its funny coz its true....oh god is it true

WhiteWashMan

yeah, weve all seen em about a hundred times before, but the more i wort in IT the more true they become, perticularly nos 15 and 16.


> Tips For Getting The Most From Your IT Department
>
> 1. When you call us to have your computer moved, be sure to leave it
> buried under half a ton of postcards, baby pictures, stuffed animals,
> dried flowers, bowling trophies and children's art. We don't have a life,
> and we find it deeply moving to catch a fleeting glimpse of yours.
>
> 2. Don't write anything down. Ever. We can play back the error messages
> from here.
>
> 3. When an IT person says he's coming right over, go for coffee. That way
> you won't be there when we need your password. It's nothing for us to
> remember 300 screen saver passwords.
>
> 4. When you call the help desk, state what you want, not what's keeping
> you from getting it. We don't need to know that you can't get into your
> mail
> because your computer won't power on at all.
>
> 5. When IT support sends you an email with high importance, delete it at
> once.
> We're just testing.
>
> 6. When an IT person is eating lunch at his desk, walk right in and spill
> your
> guts right out. We exist only to serve.
>
> 7. Send urgent email all in uppercase. The mail server picks it up and
> flags it as a rush delivery.
>
> 8. When the photocopier doesn't work, call computer support. There's
> electronics in it.
>
> 9. When you're getting a NO DIAL TONE message at home, call computer
> support.
> We can fix your telephone line from here.
>
> 10. When you have a dozen old computer screens to get rid of, call
> computer support. We're collectors.
>
> 11. When something's wrong with your home PC, dump it on an IT person's
> chair
> with no name, no phone number and no description of the problem. We love
> a puzzle.
>
> 12. When an IT person tells you that computer screens don't have
> cartridges in them, argue. We love a good argument.
>
> 13. When an IT person tells you that he'll be there shortly, reply in a
> scathing tone of voice: "And just how many weeks do you mean by shortly?"
> That motivates us.
>
> 14.When the printer won't print, re-send the job at least 20 times.
> Print jobs frequently get sucked into black holes.
>
> 15. When the printer still won't print after 20 tries, send the job to all
> 68
> printers in the company. One of them is bound to work.
>
> 16. Don't learn the proper name for anything technical. We know exactly
> what
> you mean by "my thingy blew up".
>
> 17. Don't use on-line help. On-line help is for wimps.
>
> 18. If the mouse cable keeps knocking down the framed picture of your dog,
> lift the computer and stuff the cable under it. Mouse cables were designed
> to have 20 kg of computer sitting on top of them.
>
> 19. If the space bar on your keyboard doesn't work, blame it on the mail
> upgrade. Keyboards are actually very happy with half a pound of muffin
> crumbs and nail clippings in them.
>
> 20. When you get a message saying "Are you sure?" click on that Yes button
> as fast as you can. Hell, if you weren't sure, you wouldn't be doing it,
> would you?
>
> 21. When you find an IT person on the phone with his bank, sit uninvited
> on
> the corner of his desk and stare at him until he hangs up. We don't have
> any
> money to speak of anyway.
>
> 22. Feel perfectly free to say things like "I don't know nothing about
> that
> computer crap". We don't mind at all hearing our area of professional
> expertise referred to as crap.
>
> 23. When you need to change the toner cartridge in a printer, call IT
> support.
> Changing a toner cartridge is an extremely complex task, and
> Hewlett-Packard
> recommends that it be performed only by a professional engineer with
> a master's degree in nuclear physics.
>
> 24. When you can't find someone in the government directory, call IT
> support.
>
> 25. When you have a lock to pick on an old file cabinet, call IT support.
> We love to hack.
>
> 26. When something's the matter with your computer, ask your secretary
> to call the help desk. We enjoy the challenge of having to deal with a
> third party
> who doesn't know anything about the problem.
>
> 27. When you receive a 30 MB (huge) movie file, send it to everyone
> as a mail attachment. We've got lots of disk space on that mail server.
>
> 28. Don't even think of breaking large print jobs down into smaller
> chunks.
> Somebody else might get a chance to squeeze a memo into the queue.
>
> 29. When an IT person gets on the elevator pushing $100,000 worth of
> computer
> equipment on a cart, ask in a very loud voice: "Good grief, you take the
> elevator to go DOWN one floor?!?" That's another one that cracks us up no
> end.
>
> 30. When you lose your car keys, send an email to the entire company.
> People out in Pofadder like to keep abreast of what's going on.
>
> 31. When you bump into an IT person at the grocery store on a Saturday,
> ask a
> computer question. We do weekends.
>
> 32. Don't bother to tell us when you move computers around on your
> own.Computer names are just a cosmetic feature.
>
> 33. When you bring your own personal home PC for repair at the
> office, leave the documentation at home. We'll find all the settings and
> drivers
> somewhere.
>
> 34. We don't really believe that you're a bunch of ungrateful twits.
> It hurts our feelings that you could even think such a thing. We wish to
> express our deepest gratitude to the hundreds of clueless losers portrayed
> herein, without whom none of this would have been remotely possible.

Jak

But still ... Tech support where i am sux.

Me: So there's a single setting in the registry i need to delete to stop booting from the network.

Tech: Yes.

Me: Ok, i've run regedit, where is this line i have to take out.

Tech: Sir, please close regedit. We're not authorised to have people playing with the settings on the machines. We'll be out as soon as we can.

*3 Weeks later the **** comes out and deletes 1 fkin line in the registry (which i couldnt find) and problem was solved.

Shiminay

It's not fair!!!

Being a Tech is living hell. Especially when people have lied on their job application form and have said they have computer skills.

It took me 10 minutes one day to explain how to open Explorer and what it was for.

I did enjoy those few chuckles though - thanks Eamo!

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

SantaHoe

Oh god it's a living hell, but funny at times.

BTW, has anyone heard those Tech-Support MP3's?

Shiminay

No, where can you get 'em 'Santa???

---

All the best,

Dav
@B^)
My page of stuff

Stephen

I heard a few dodgy Apple tech support ones a while back... can't remember where by now though

SantaHoe

Yeh that's the ones Munch, think I found them on some dod*** ftp site a while back, I've still got 'em.
I could mail them to ya' if ya loike.

Hobbes

Just to expand on step 23, one time someone in work sent a mail to the whole company screaming that she wanted IS immediatly because her printer was saying "out of paper" and she need to print a letter urgently.

She then posted more annoyed letters twice more. Nothing better then making yourself look more stupid.