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bed of roses

  • 06-01-2005 3:23pm
    #1
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭


    In life there are those who are desperate to be.
    Like the star that lights the whole sky,
    the bird that glides highest over all of mankind,
    The king which rules over all empires.
    Yet most often they are.
    The fickle star that will never stay lit,
    the bird which stumbles at a pleasant breeze,
    The king who's land is all six feet under.
    What ever we hunger to be,
    will not make us be.
    Life is just a one part play,
    Waiting to be preformed.

    Ok, first any grammer/spelling issues. And if its good/bad say why and how i can correct. Thanks :)


Comments

  • #2
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭goin'_to_the_PS


    anyone, please, thanks


  • #3
    Gordon
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 35,524 ✭✭✭✭Gordon


    Preformed: performed or prefabricated?


  • #4
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭goin'_to_the_PS


    preformed


  • #5
    MojoMaker
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 4,942 ✭✭✭MojoMaker


    How do you preform a play, troll?


  • #6
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭goin'_to_the_PS


    BEAT wrote:
    no name calling.

    damn my spelling i meant "perform"


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  • #7
    goin'_to_the_PS
    Closed Accounts Posts: 869 ✭✭✭goin'_to_the_PS


    i still haven't heard any opinions on it.


  • #8
    BEAT
    Hosted Moderators Posts: 5,945 ✭✭✭BEAT


    besides the already pointed out spelling error your puntuation is all wrong...
    try this,
    if when writing a piece such as this if you are not sure where to place a comma or period...dont use one at all.

    Space your lines together, when done with what you are saying about one thing put a space between what you say next.

    The piece wasnt bad but it seemed all jumbled together and didnt read smoothley.

    Work with it and bring it back again. ;)


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