how can I help my little girl

gubby

Any cure for a broken heart?
my daughter has just been dumped by a guy who had told her that she was the best thing that ever happend to him.. and he had never felt this way about a anyone before... bla bla bla...
then.. on st. stephens night. said, sorry I dont love you.. its over!!
fair enough.. but the poor girl is heartbroken. any advice out there for me to help her? maybe you were dumped? how would you like your mother to help you over it, if at all.. she is living at home, she is 24yrs old with a lovely 3yrs old little girl.
I just love her so much and hate to see her so hurt. she goes to sleep crying and wakes up crying.
any advice?

galwaydude18

is this guy the father of your daughters girl? if he is he needs his ass kicked and his head seen to leave both his daughter and her mother!

b3t4

She needs lots of the following
1. Someone to listen
2. A shoulder to cry on
3. Ben and Jerrys Ice-Cream
4. Chocolate
5. Someone to tell her how awful he is and what a big mistake he made
6. some wine (she may break down into a sobbing mess but it's part of the healing)
7. remind her how wonderful she is and that she is a wonderful mother herself

There is no point in telling her that everything will be alright with some time, it will be but it's not going to feel like that to her right now or for a good while from now.

A good start is to just tell her that you're there for her and she will talk to you when she is ready. Let her do the talking.

A.

The Sweeper

Eh, I'd veto the ice cream and chocolate - she already feels sh1te, don't need to make her feel fat and frumpy too if she binge eats her way out of it.

Suggest a day out. Often a change of image makes you feel better - if you have some money spare to get her a small gift, take her shopping for clothes or shoes and buy something special. If you have a little more spare money, suggest a dramatic change of hairstyle - colour, shape etc.

If you make her feel wanted, and you can facilitate something where she can change her image a bit and feel better, more attractive, and generally more special, it may help her a little.

The only other thing I can think of is that she'll need time. Is there a friend or relative she could visit for a few days, away from where she is now?

The only other thing I can think of is that you hiss at yer man like a banshee if he tries phoning her and threaten to lop his boll0cks off - the last thing she needs now is some sort of "Oim havink seccund-tawts" crap from him.

D!ve^Bomb!

A can of woop ass never hurt anyone,,, no wait, that's not true..

Bring her out on the pull?

MistressPandora

Get her to burn all of his things and then have a bottle of wine afterwards. Nothing makes you feel better than watching all of your ex's things burn while sipping a nice wine.
It works for me anyways.
She obviously doesn't need this guy, and removing the physical things from her life is a good thing.
Usually a good cry helps too, and maybe a day away from the city? Turn off the mobile phone and just leave the city for the weekend. Galway or somewhere nice like that. If you've got the cash then Edinburgh is also a good choice.

cajun_tiger

................

b3t4

Minesajackdaniels wrote:

Eh, I'd veto the ice cream and chocolate - she already feels sh1te, don't need to make her feel fat and frumpy too if she binge eats her way out of it.

Good point. On the other hand, she gets the oppurtunity to associate all those negative feelings with him and his actions making her more unlikely to get back with him. Also, when she does come round and looses those extra few pounds she put on, she might feel even better. Well it works for me

MistressPandora wrote:

Get her to burn all of his things and then have a bottle of wine afterwards. Nothing makes you feel better than watching all of your ex's things burn while sipping a nice wine

I'll second this also. (and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who does this ).

A.

simu

She's not a "little girl" if she's 24 years old - she's a grown woman. She's proabably stronger than you give her credit for. As for her pain, it will diminish with time. Life isn't an endless garden of joy and sometimes there are no quick solutions.

LegacyUser

Time. She is 24. I am 20 and if it happened to me, i would just keep it to myself and deal with it my own way i guess but good luck either way.

WhiteWashMan

hey cajun, why dont you put up a seperate thread on this one?
or tack it onto the last one you wrote?
i think the ink is still dry on that one...

barbie girl

JUst give her space If she wants advice or help she will ask She is best left alone for a few days

Musashi

Can I ask if she is your Daughter? Biologically or Really is fine!
Just support her and mind her,you know yourself.
She will probably go off with her mother or a few girl friends,or all, and bitch it out together,this is a good thing!
(By Bitch It Out I mean they will shred this guy and feel better,not be bitches!)

When she is ready give her a hug and let her know ye all love her no matter, she has a stable place to work out from!

I do not have a daughter but if I did,I'd try this just before strangling the idiot with his own bollox!

Nevyn

ok So she is 24, but she will for ever in your heart be your little girl and when you see her hurting so bad as her mother you want to help and stop the pain,
A very natural reaction.

It is easy for people so say she should be upset and angry but chances are she is not angry with her ex partner but with herself.

In light of what he said she could be feeling betrayed but betrayed by herself,
Along the lines of how thick and stupid was she to have loved him and have had a child with him when he didn’t lover her at all (or so he claims now), how could she have NOT known. SO she is now a single mother of 1 living back home and has ruined not only her life but the life of her kid and yours by moving home as a total failure. Something I am sure neither your or her wanted for her when you toughts about her future, and with the way single mothers are often vilified and put down and judged who can blame her for being upset.

So she is feeling that she has no control over her life and when she did she messed it up.

I know it is not logical but emotions rarely are. Women tend to blame themselves more then men when things go wrong.

Wallowing in abject misery at this stage is all she can cope with but
She has a child and needs to think about her too that may very well be the key to getting her come arround.

Dont take on her child rearing resposnibiltes for too long, she has to remake her life yes and you can be there for her but that also means she needs to cry but still take on her responsibitles while crying.

Theres a few suggestions on the parenting boards and I'd have a look at them and get your daughter to have a look too .

As a wise man once told me when my own life fell apart no matter how bad things are now 'This too will pass.'

I hope things work out for all of you .