Terrible Conversationalist and story teller

unknownguest

I'm seriously terrible at having conversations and telling stories. Even if I have a really great story to tell I will make it sound really boring and will tell it in a way that will not amuse those listening. If it's funny they wont laugh. I also always find myself stuck for things to say. I seem to only deal with facts with people. What I'm doing, what I do, where I do it etc. I can't seem to say anything interesting about it. I can't tell stories of what happens to me in these situations and find myself having to change subject way too often because i dismiss one subject way too fast once the facts are stated.

Invader Zim

It's probably your way of thinking.

Try putting more emotion into what you are saying (it helps if you can feel the emotion too).
Remember, it's not so much what you say but how you say it.

Thinking a story through before telling it will free up more resources for lateral thought and emphasis while telling it.

keu

go down and gob the blarney stone.

Evilution

unknownguest wrote:

I seem to only deal with facts with people

You're not jeremy paxman are you? Yeeeeeesssss....
Erm, my advice.....
You sound like you're more concerned with impressing people that making a story sound good. My philosophy - people are over-rated. F**k trying to impress them, just tell the story how it is. Small details are good too.

BaZmO*

unknownguest wrote:

I'm seriously terrible at having conversations and telling stories. Even if I have a really great story to tell I will make it sound really boring and will tell it in a way that will not amuse those listening. If it's funny they wont laugh. I also always find myself stuck for things to say. I seem to only deal with facts with people. What I'm doing, what I do, where I do it etc. I can't seem to say anything interesting about it. I can't tell stories of what happens to me in these situations and find myself having to change subject way too often because i dismiss one subject way too fast once the facts are stated.

Sorry, I can't understand what you just said?!?!

WhiteWashMan

unknownguest wrote:

I'm seriously terrible at having conversations and telling stories. Even if I have a really great story to tell I will make it sound really boring and will tell it in a way that will not amuse those listening. If it's funny they wont laugh. I also always find myself stuck for things to say. I seem to only deal with facts with people. What I'm doing, what I do, where I do it etc. I can't seem to say anything interesting about it. I can't tell stories of what happens to me in these situations and find myself having to change subject way too often because i dismiss one subject way too fast once the facts are stated.

well, im exactly the same. i dont do story telling.

but is that a bad thing?

why do you feel that you need to be able to tell stories? i mean, unless you are going into a career as a writer of some sort, surely it wont effect your life that much.
if its the 'interesting' thing you are going for, try and learn how to have an opinion. now thats far more interesting. and you cant debate a story

/queue panto debate

'her hair was black as white, and her skin as white as the moon'

'oh no it wasnt...'

goin'_to_the_PS

we did how to build a conversation in english.
He kept saying something about answer there bit and include your own
e.g random person:The weather is nice

you: yes it is but it was better yesterday
(....there bit.) (.....your bit..........)

RicardoSmith

If it bothers you do a class in it. Watch how other people do it and copy them.

neuro-praxis

Maybe I'm totally off the mark, but perhaps this is a completely confidence based thing?

I find that I am the "best me" when around the few people I am most comfortable with, and elsewhere I'm a bit of a shadow of my full self.

I won't take it for granted that you have somebody that you feel totally comfortable with - not everybody does. What I would propose though is that you try to find some ways of building up your self-confidence. What are you good at? What do you enjoy? Do those things. Also - get cultured. Obviously I'm not proposing doing things you don't enjoy, only do what looks like fun to you - but read lots, try new foods, go out and listen to new bands, watch new movies, go to new pubs, go to museums you've never been to, etc. This will give you plenty to talk about and you are bound to find "common ground" with people in conversation if you can discuss what you're reading and where you've been. Those things are all facts (which we know you can handle) and then, like WWM said, throw in an opinion here and there.

Then again, maybe you just hate talking. I absolutely hate small talk. I'm not shy, but fifteen minutes of small talk has me clawing the walls.

Why do you believe you are uninteresting? You may not be a gifted orator but every person has something interesting to offer.

I empathise with that crawly feeling of "Oh God there's absolutely nothing to talk about" but remember - it is not your duty in life to keep every conversation going. So what if you have to sit quietly with people? They'll get over it. Hell, some chicks will think you're the silent mysterious type which is regarded as pretty sexy.

Good luck.

Edited to say: By the way, take a look at who you are friends with. If I tell a story to my friends that I think is funny but I don't quite hit the mark, I get sympathy laughs or friendly slaggings - not blank faces. People who give you blank faces are being purposely rude. Pick friendly people to chat with where possible!

LegacyUser

Oh tell me about it!
I was out for a few last night and ended up sitting beside a friend of a friend of mine.
Two totally totally different people!
She had a totally different sense of humour to me...found other things funny where as I'd be going "What!".

I feel I tend to try and make the other person, if Im in a situation like this, more comfortable than me i.e I make a huge effort to talk, sometimes a bit OTT and ask them things about themselves (you know most random people LOVE talking about themselves-but most dont return the questions if you know what I mean i.e conversation stops when you stop asking them about their life).

I totally know its not me/the real me.....Im thinking to myself, if Ive to stay like this for another 5 minutes Ill crack up but I dont want to offend anyone etc. I then think, the only other options is to sit in silence with these people, which is way way way too uncomfortable.

Sangre

neuro-praxis wrote:

I find that I am the "best me" when around the few people I am most comfortable with, and elsewhere I'm a bit of a shadow of my full self.

I'm not shy, but fifteen minutes of small talk has me clawing the walls.

Bit of self denial there nuero? Wanna talk about it?

With regards to the original poster, well theres not much you can do I think, you're either interesting/funny or you're not, try and focus on other qualities. If you cant tell stories then dont tell stories

seamus

I don't think it's a matter of confidence neuro. Plenty of people just don't have a flair for telling stories. There's a fine line between "Guy who tells the funniest stories" and "boring ****er who does nothing but talk crap".

There are a few things that make a good storyteller -
1. Knowing what to leave out, what to leave in, and what to exaggerate. Most people **** up storytelling by including too much information, not really necessary to the story.
2. Expressing the story. This is a fine line. Too much expression bugs me, and can annoy people, but no expression dulls the story. Getting the right amount of enthusiasm is key.
3. Continuity. You shouldn't be jumping backwards and forwards through the story. The story should flow, each bit relating directly to the previous bit. Particularly when very drunk, I tend to go back and try to include stuff I forgot to say, which screws the whole thing up.

Whether it's something within people, or a skill that's mastered through experience, I don't know. I know plenty of people though that can make even the most mundane of experiences a complete hoot, and other people who have me yawning, despite a potentially great story.

simu

I don't do storytelling much - not my style.

But in your case, you could try telling the story so badly that it becomes funny.

pickarooney

Tangents. They make me want to slap people. Just insert a URL there and I'll ask you about it if I want to know. And repeating the same thing over and over. Other than that there's no real bad way to tell a story.

neuro-praxis

Bit of self denial there nuero? Wanna talk about it?

Yes please Sangre. /me sniffles

Sangre I actually think you're wrong about the "you're either interesting/funny or you're not" thing...I mean it's true that some people are pretty dull, but some people are simply too nervous to say all the jokes that are in their heads.

I don't think it's a matter of confidence neuro.

Yeah, I haven't a clue. Like I said, maybe I'm way off the mark. Maybe the original poster could give us some feedback?

The reason that I thought it might be a lack of confidence is because I have at least two friends who cannot hold a good/entertaning conversation with anyone they don't know extremely well...but are very entertaining in a small group of close friends.

bug

to the original poster..
yeah I know what you mean, there are some people who can take the smallest of events and turn it into a really entertaining story.

To be honest it think its a skill, as much as keeping conversation going between a few people with little in common is a skill.

The first time I noticed it was in college, where you have a group of people sitting around and each is trying to entertain the group. - I was never any good at it either to be honest but it never bothered me. IM not the most social of people anyways and find it takes alot of effort to do smalltalk. As I got older and had to entertain visitors and clients in work at social occaisons I found I got better at "story telling" and to be honest its something that takes practice for ppl like me & you It became part of my job and I had to do it.

If you are really interested in it I'm sure there are courses you can take. Like conversational courses. I'll have a look and see if I can find any on the web and post it up.

LegacyUser

UG, what you need is subtext.

This is the hidden meaning behind what people say:

SHY PIMPLY BOY: Ya follow Rangers or wha?
(subtext: "I'd like to shag you till the pile came off the carpet.")
ANNOYING GIRL: I'm ectually not much into hurling.
(subtext: "Go away, person, you don't earn enough.")

Spend a couple of weeks just listening carefully to what people say, and working out what they actually (ectually) mean, and a lot will become clearer to you.

Subtext is also a standard in film dialogue. If you watch the TV for a while, you'll find that any decently-written script includes subtext. For instance:

Some Like It Hot:

JACK LEMMON (watching Marilyn Monroe): "How do they *do* that? It's like Jello on springs. I'm telling you, it's a whole different sex!"
(subtext: (a) "God, she's gorgeous." (b) "Wish I was a girl too.")

Die Hard 2:

WHATSISNAME (flicking his wedding ring after being asked out on a date by an airport clerk with whom he's been flirting to get her to send and receive a fax for him): "Just the fax, ma'am."
(subtext: "I'm a strait-laced policeman, and as a married man, I wouldn't dream of going further.")

Subtext is hard to spot at first. Learning how it works is like whistling with your little fingers stuck in your mouth. Then you get it, and it's as if you never didn't know what it was about. Then you can walk into the local pub and have a conversation like this:

YOU: Howya?
FRIEND: Roy.
YOU: Pint?
FRIEND: Roy.
YOU: (to barman) (V sign indicating two pints, indicated by a lift of the right eyebrow) (to friend) "Any odds?
FRIEND: Not a stim.
YOU: Brutal.
FRIEND: Roy.

Sangre

neuro-praxis wrote:

Yes please Sangre. /me sniffles

Sangre I actually think you're wrong about the "you're either interesting/funny or you're not" thing...I mean it's true that some people are pretty dull, but some people are simply too nervous to say all the jokes that are in their heads.

Yeah I'd agree completely but he said it wasn't a confidence issue so I ignored it.
The odd time I hold back a joke or two if its a new group because Im not sure if they'll 'get' it or it might seem odd if they don't know me and by the time I tell myself not to worry its too late because ive lost the proper timing which is,by the by, ESSENTIAL in a joke/story.

Anyway, Id consider myself funny and wouldnt be bother about holding a groups attention but I dont like telling stories. Reasons are because there are better people at it and there is always loads of pressure on you if there is a punchline at the end. I also hate when you miss a bit and you have to go back, basically I stay away from them unless they're guaranteed hits.

Also staring at you with no reactions and blank faces is just pig ignorant.

The Clown Man

Facial expressions are the most important thing i reackon. A guy that looks like he is in the stroy is always funny.

But if you can't do the story telling thing then concentrate on laughing at other peoples stories. The guy that actually likes hearing stories is just as important as the guy that tells them. And sometimes more interesting to be around.

unknownguest

I'm not confident in my talking. I would never raise my hand in class because all the attention would be on me. I would never voice my oppinion, I even hated reading a paragraph of text in class and I would feel myself going red and blushing. This wasn't helped by my class mates immitating my voice. The minute a teacher asked me a question out of the blue I would go red.

However I am pretty confident in my appearance and looks, it's not like I'm a pimply boy or anything, I'd consider myself high above average in looks. I am not boasting, simply giving more insight on the subject regarding confidense.

Unfortunately I fear the talking part with women and such because of my disability to converse well and the fear I may come out really boring.

I say women after I talk of looks, but I also mean men too, anyone. Old, young etc.


I also find myself stumbling with words. Maybe I think about it too much, if there is a conversation taking place (this usually happens with a few people involved) I will think of something to add to it, but when I say it, if I was about to say "the shutter should be closed" it would sometimes come out like "the should shou" then I would get all paranoid and stumble more, get red and lose my confidence.

The only time I ever seem good at talking is when I'm in an argument. I am fine then. I always feel I talk normal around people I know and never have problems stumbling in my words and if I do it doesn't bother me like it would in front of strangers.

I've been told many times "don't sing" if I'd start singing because my voice.

However, I've been told I can sing by a friend did singing and lessons and all, she said I'm able to keep in the right tone and pitch and that's what matters

thanks for the replies

WhiteWashMan

you say you are confident in your looks etc, and thats great, but you are just afraid of being ridiculed, found boring and uninteresting, and generally unhappy with the way you talk.

you appear to lack confidence in your own ability to speak. and the more you dont talk, the bigger a problem it will be. i bet you dont have problems talking to your parents, or in a small social circle of friends.
i bet the problem is when youa re in front of other people. you are afraid of being stupid, of stuttering, of sounding like you dont know what you are tlaking about.

i think your problem lies more around your own self esteem, rather than your speech. i think thats just a symptom. hey, if you dont talk, how can you make a fool of yourself?


what do you think?

what age ar eyou by the way? i take it youa re still in school from the 'hand in class' reference?

unknownguest

Everything you said is right, but I have self esteem in everything but my talking skills.

I'm nearly 21, I was just referring back to when I was in school.

WhiteWashMan

why do you think its your speech?

everything you have said points towards not really wanting to be noticed, becuase if you are noticed, someone may find fault with you.

The Clown Man

Light recreational drugs.

Would make you much more relaxed about yourself in general. (Not just when you're stoned.) You'll be grand talking to whoever you like then.

Seriously.

But remember, make sure you have a doctors medical prescription for your hashish first cause drugs are illegal...

But if you are totally anti-drugs then take up something bloody crazy. Like skydiving or something. (!) But something that makes you feel just a little mad. Just whatever you do make sure it's something you would not usually do. Would do wonders for getting a second good look at yourself and finding out that everyone has their own way of being amusing and interesting cause everyone is amused by things and everyone is interested in things. You just waffling about things that amuse and interest you is both funny and interesting because you already see it. And your showing others.

Once you give yourself a half a chance you will be able to be amusing and interesting whenever you like. In your own little way. Stand-up is probably a little too far down the line to concentrate on yet.

impr0v

Evilution wrote:

You're not jeremy paxman are you? Yeeeeeesssss....

roffle

Nala

unknownguest wrote:

I'm seriously terrible at having conversations and telling stories. Even if I have a really great story to tell I will make it sound really boring and will tell it in a way that will not amuse those listening. If it's funny they wont laugh. I also always find myself stuck for things to say. I seem to only deal with facts with people. What I'm doing, what I do, where I do it etc. I can't seem to say anything interesting about it. I can't tell stories of what happens to me in these situations and find myself having to change subject way too often because i dismiss one subject way too fast once the facts are stated.

Don't worry, I'm crap at telling stories too!
But I'm good at other things and I'm sure you are too.