Hard to talk to

LegacyUser

I seem to be a person with whom people find hard to talk to. I am a shy person (although not a lot of people would notice that) but I'm always the one making conversation. I have 2 male mates and around the same amount female. 2 of my friends would be able to talk to each other about one thing for ages but not me. It feels like they have no choice but to talk to me and they aren't really interested.

I have the same things in common as them all but I'm kind of the outsider. They both have girlfriends who I would have counted as my female friends. They also both smoke so I'm usually left alone quite often while they're out for a cigarette.

I'll probably add a bit to the thread as I had a lot more to say but can't remember. Just wondering does anyone have any tips or whatever.

Beruthiel

male_19 wrote:

I seem to be a person with whom people find hard to talk to. I am a shy person (although not a lot of people would notice that)

if not a lot of people notice that you are shy, why are you saying you are?

is it down to low self esteem? I was also quite shy at 19 - not many people in here will find that easy to believe!
As you get older in life you realise that everyone else is just like yourself, your confidence builds through life experiences and by the time you get to be an auld wan like myself you are just bursting with confidence.
Educate yourself with things that interest you, that way you get to know lots of different stuff and can contribute to any converation.
Read books, see movies, or whatever floats your boat.
And remember, everyone else feels like you, realise that, it makes things easier.

ShiverinEskimo

Jesus, your good Beruthiel,
Knowledge is power male_19, with knowledge the ability to talk about anything and everything becomes easy.
My friends I respect the most are my friends that know their stuff. If you find yourself bored with a conversation don't be afraid to move it along to something else. Don't just talk about anything though, weather and tv is boring.. (unless its comparing simpsons knowledge, then its fun). The more abstract your conversation is, the more interesting you become. When people are learning something, they tend to listen harder.

Spalk0

male_19 wrote:

I seem to be a person with whom people find hard to talk to. I am a shy person (although not a lot of people would notice that) but I'm always the one making conversation. I have 2 male mates and around the same amount female. 2 of my friends would be able to talk to each other about one thing for ages but not me. It feels like they have no choice but to talk to me and they aren't really interested.

I have the same things in common as them all but I'm kind of the outsider. They both have girlfriends who I would have counted as my female friends. They also both smoke so I'm usually left alone quite often while they're out for a cigarette.

I'll probably add a bit to the thread as I had a lot more to say but can't remember. Just wondering does anyone have any tips or whatever.

Mate, i was pretty much exactly in your shoes!And the operative word being WAS!
I was very shy and still i am a little bit aswell!thing is a while ago i used to notice my mates have a great laugh when they are talking to eachother but some seemed a bit disinterested in talking to me!Trouble was i think, is that i was very quiet aswell!Now, i wouldnt say thats the case, as im sure Cajun could probably vouch a little for that! but at the end of the day as my circle of friends got bigger, I inevitably became less shy and much more talkative!
Im 21, and it was less than 2 years ago when i was like that!so i think as you get a little older things will start to turn out a bit better!Shyness is something you eventually grow out of a little!

Sleepy

A few tips:

Go out with your mates when they're going for a smoke: that way you're still with the group.

Try avoid giving "yeah", "no", "ok", "whatever" as answers to questions. Even adding a small amount of opinion or just a little bit extra to your answer makes you easier to talk to and get on with. For example there's a massive difference between "yeah, that's a good idea" and "yeah" as answers. The first is positive, encouraging, complimentary (and hey, who doesn't like a compliment occasionaly) while the second is merely affirmation that you'll go along with what's suggested.

WhiteWashMan

have you heard of a man who was the son of god?

jesus can help you find light along the path.

jesus was shy once, but by bringin people back from the dead, doing party tricks and giving everyone food and free wine, he soon became popular and the hit at every party.
but, jesus did tqalk to more than 4 other people in his life, and based on that, i think jesus would probably tell you to get out more and meet other people.

oh, and jesus says these 4 people are not your friends, merely acquaintances.
the son of god does not know how you could call 4 people you cant communicate with friends.

see you in church on sunday.

Sangre

You remind me of a 19 year old I know, you can talk to him okay but its seems like such a chore, theres no genuine interest on my part talking to him, just yeah, yeah, yeah.
The reason I think this is because he only talks about what he thinks others want to talk about and only voices opinions that he thinks others will agree on i.e. boring. So from now on always be truthful to your own opinions and beliefs, there is nothing like a bit of friendly confrontation to spark up a conversation.

Also go out with them when they're smoking most of the time for some fresh air. Most people I know dont smoke but I'll still go out the odd time with the smokers to get outside for a bit.

LegacyUser

Some of the young lads I have met seem to think that they have to have a knowledgeable opinion about everything and it is so obvious that they are just repeating what they have heard someone else say. That is really boring and people eyes tend to wander off into the middle distance if they have to listen to regurgitated ideas for any length of time. OP, do not be afraid to voice your own opniions and do not be afraid to admit that you're clueless about some things. We are were at some stage! You learn a lot more if you do this, thus becoming more interesting and a better conversationalist!

Bri

If your involved in 3rd level you should goto a few debates. They should be free and can range from comedy to ultra-serious. You don't have to say a word and people don't necessarily go in groups. I found that was something that opened my eyes a great deal.

Think about your genuine personal interests, and follow them up. It'll boost your confidence and make you more 'interesting'.

Good luck with it and give it some time.