No Poem Today (comments welcome - please be kind!)

Baby

I sit down to write a poem
but my hand is too slow
for the tumble and flicker
of the thoughts in my head

They run down my arm laughing,
but seize and clot in the pen
making lumps and clods
of sticky, awkward sentences.

So, no poem today:
Its spark did not survive the change
from the lightning speed of thought
to the slow twisted scribble of human writing.

HusseinSarhan

You should call it "Digging 2" I liked the clot part but the poem as a whole was quite forgettable. Sorry!

LoLth

hmm, the last verse doesnt really seem to fit in with the rest. The lines of the first two are quick and roll along easily. The lines fo the last verse seem to slow down and feel unnecessarily complicated. I like the first two verses though.

HusseinSarhan

Think about it for a minute, maybe its intentional.

Tusky

Baby wrote:

I sit down to write a poem
but my hand is too slow
for the tumble and flicker
of the thoughts in my head

They run down my arm laughing,
but seize and clot in the pen
making lumps and clods
of sticky, awkward sentences.

So, no poem today:
Its spark did not survive the change
from the lightning speed of thought
to the slow twisted scribble of human writing.

hmmm ... theres a creatice writing forum you know ?

LoLth

HusseinSarhan wrote:

Think about it for a minute, maybe its intentional.

hmm, I know it's more than likely intentional and just because I dont like it doesnt mean I dont "get" it....

HusseinSarhan

LoLth wrote:

hmm, I know it's more than likely intentional and just because I dont like it doesnt mean I dont "get" it....

Well, I just thought from your initial post that you may not have noticed this possible intention of the writer. Its not like you said "I like the idea of what you're trying to do but I personally dont like the way you've gone about it". I really did not mean to be dismissive or pretentious, I thaought that it might change your mind if you were aware of a possible extra meaning in the poem. Its obvious now that you knew about this possibility but still didn't like it. I didnt realise this when I posted.

LoLth

no worries. wasnt offneded in any way, just making sure that my original point wasnt misconstrued.