Script: Lucinda *some mild swearing and nudity*

BlitzKrieg

I'm a filmmaker and when i write scripts to short 15 minute pieces i'm shooting i tend to make sure the dialogue etc is on top shape.

But my humour is'nt the best so when i took this dark comedy idea and scripted it i'm unsure of how good it is. I mean its for a short 15 minute piece we are shooting in january and i'm not sure if the characters in these piece flesh out well enough. So here's my script LUCINDA:

Lucinda




INT. Main hall of a small urban house. Night


A plain grey touchtone phone sits on a small coffee table in the corner of a hall. It starts ringing. A door opens off screen and distant laughing and cheering is heard. A hand reaches in from off screen and picks the phone up.


Simon:
Hello? (Pause) no sorry there’s no Miles here. (Pause) sure, no problem, goodbye.


The hand puts the phone down and Simon walks back towards the living room. It’s a small room with 2 large French windows taking up most of the back wall. A large couch and table fill up far too much of the room leaving much of the room’s other accessories such as the television pushed into a back corner. There are 3 young men sitting around the table, each have a shot glass before them with a straw in it and numerous half empty bottles are in the centre of the table. Simon sits down at the head of the table. At the opposite end of the table is Kevin, who is noticeable short but quite stocky he has a plat of unkept hair, which trails, down the side of his head and he is constantly in grinning to some degree. To Simon’s right is Charlie, who is quite tall with well kept short hair he has a slender build but one that’s kept in good condition his height makes him lean forward while sitting down making him quite imposing. And to his left is Karl who is the shortest and youngest of the four, his hair is cut very short and his thick glasses sit on the edge of his nose he has a tendency to fidget slightly out of shyness. Simon himself is also quite tall but has a receding hairline this, coupled with his habit of folding his arms, gives him an air of age and wisdom. Kevin is drumming his hand on the table after a few seconds he sucks up his drink through the straw.


Kevin:
Who was it?

Simon:
Wrong number. What the hell do you have them playing now?


Both Charlie and Karl start drumming their hands like Kevin had.

Kevin:
Musical straws. Picked it up in Madrid over the summer. You’ve got to copy the beat of the leader. If you mess up, your drinking doubles.

Simon:
And if you don’t mess up?

Kevin:
The leader doubles. Sorry Charlie you messed up.

Charlie:
Your Beat was off.

Kevin:
My beat was off? Its two left hand, one right. That’s traditional! Everyone knows that beat.

Charlie:
(Coughs) do we have to play this?

Kevin:
Only if you want this to be a proper housewarming party. Which I feel we must toast to now (fills and raises glass) Simon if you may.

Simon:
(Takes his glass and stands) right, if I must…

Kevin:
Yeeeaaaahhh!

Simon:
Ladies.
Kevin:
Booo!

Simon:
(Puts on a more eloquent and sophisticated accent) Welcome to number 5 king street! Officially the cheapest accommodation within 2 miles of Cambridge University, so of course it’s fitting that none of us go to Cambridge…

Charlie:
[Cough]

Simon:
University. Instead we students of APU dwell here. We the future psychologists, Charlie and myself.

Charlie:
Hey.

Simon:
Karl a young scholar of our language…

Karl:
(Quieter more shy) Hi.

Simon:
…And Kevin, whom I have no ****ing idea what he does except drink.

Kevin:
I! I am an artist, the greatest the world has ever seen! (Starts laughing)

Simon:
As you can all see he’s quite good at the drinking. I welcome you all to our new home for the next few years and so on and on etc etc.


Simon knocks back his drink to the cheer of the other men. The phone starts to ring in the back. Karl gets up to answer it as the others put their straws into the glasses and Simon starts banging the table to a rhythm.



Charlie:
We’re not doing this all night are we?

Kevin:
Game ends when someone throws up.

Karl:
(Off screen) Hello?

Simon:
Playing by your rules?

Karl:
(Off screen) No sorry There’s no Miles living here.

Kevin:
Of course.

Fade.
INT. Living room. Night.
The phone is ringing. The clock shows its 4am. Kevin and Simon are both on the couch playing a racing game on the X-box. Karl is asleep by the table. Charlie sits at the table clearly in need of sleep he slouches desperately trying to follow the game. Numerous empty bottles cover the distance between Kevin and Simon and the table. Kevin seems to be still in some way active. Simon is less active but noticeable more active then both Charlie and Karl.

Kevin:
And we are coming around the fifth corner of this final lap both Simon. The challenger. (Simon gives a mock growl) And the reigning champion. Kevin. Are still/

Charlie:
(In a confused tone) Is that the phone?

Kevin:
Yeah. Oh and Simon hits the curb!/

Charlie:
You gonna get it?

Kevin:
Busy.

Charlie gets up and leaves to answer the phone he is clearly annoyed. Simon and Kevin stay focused on their game. The phone stops ringing. Kevin wins the race; Simon finishes his drink and lies back in the chair while Kevin performs a miniature victory dance using his elbows. Charlie comes back into the room and slouches back into his chair.

Simon:
So? Who was it?

Kevin:
Some woman looking for a guy named Miles.

Charlie folds his arms and puts his head into them. Simon starts drinking from his refilled glass while Kevin quickly finishes his half full one.

Kevin:
I’ve got to get lessons from this Miles.

Simon:
On what?


Kevin:
Women. What a legend of a guy to have them looking for him at 4am?

Karl gives a muffled snort from the corner as he turns in his sleep.

Simon
The ‘poor basterd’ kind. A woman who rang earlier sounded like the living dead.

Charlie:
This one didn’t sound too healthy either.

Kevin:
How?

Charlie
(With his head still in his lap Charlie starts faking a yawn while talking in a very dry drone) Is Miles there? I really need to talk to him.

Simon:
(Sits up a bit more) ****. (Gives a laugh) the one I was talking to sounded just like that. She must have been calling all night/

Charlie:
(Raises his head out of his arms) Didn’t you tell her there’s no Miles here?

Simon:
Yeah. Did you?

Charlie:
Of course.


Kevin:
Psycho woman! I love this house.

Kevin starts up another game while both Simon and Charlie stare with a mix sense of confusion and dread at the phone in the hall.

Fade.

BlitzKrieg

Int. numerous bedrooms. Morning.

The phone is ringing. All of the housemates are asleep. On the first floor Kevin is lying on his bed half undressed, he still has a straw in his mouth. His room is noticeable untidy. Karl is across the hall, he is tucked into bed, he was clearly brought up by the others as he is still dressed and has had a Hitler moustache drawn on him. On the second floor Simon is comfortable sleeping with his head under his pillow. Charlie moves uneasily in his bed. His alarm clock says its 8:30. Finally he comes down the stairs and picks up the phone.

Charlie:
(Tiredly) Hello?

Lucinda:
(Very drone) Hello. Is Miles there?

Charlie:
(Cringes) I’m sorry but Miles isn’t here, he doesn’t live here anymore.

Lucinda:
I really need to talk to him.

Charlie:
Are you even listening to me?

Lucinda:
I’m having problems again/

Charlie:
Problems?

Lucinda:
My psychiatrist tells me I should talk to someone I trust to help me/

Charlie:
(Sitting down) What sort of problems?

Fade

Int. Sitting room. Later in the morning.

Charlie is sitting at the table eating some toast with beans; slowly the other housemates come down. They each take a seat and prepare their breakfasts. Kevin is last and has only a coke for breakfast. Karl is flicking through a novel while eating some coco pops. Simon has a cup of coffee with a bowel of bran flakes. None of them are awake enough to start a conversation.
Simon:
(To Karl) What are you reading?

Karl:
Misery by Stephen King.

Simon:
Good?
Karl briefly nods; Simon gives up on asking him any more questions.

Simon:
Get enough sleep Charlie?

Charlie:
No. The phone was ringing all morning.

Simon:
Was it?

Kevin:
Thought I dreamt that.

Karl:
I didn’t hear a thing?

Simon:
Not surprising in your state.

Charlie:
Yeah it was ringing and it was Lucinda too.

Karl:
Who?
Simon:
You mean the girl who was ringing last/
Kevin:
Psycho woman!
Charlie
(Gives Kevin a nasty look) yeah, her.

Simon:
Did you talk to her?

Charlie:
Yeah I told her that there was no Miles here and/

Kevin:
And that she was to piss off and stop ringing us right?

Charlie:
(Nastily) That’s difficult to say Kevin when she’s in psychiatric care.
Simon:
****, you’re kidding?

Karl:
What kind of care?

Charlie:
I’m not kidding, she sees some dental psychiatrist.

The others stare at Charlie for a brief second before they start laughing hysterically neither Kevin or Karl can sit straight and Karl’s book falls of the table.

Kevin:
(Grabs Karl’s lower jaw and holds his mouth open and in a mocking voice) Yes, I see. So a prolonged relationship with a coco pop has made you catatonic, thank you Mr. molar I belief I can help you. For I am! (Jumps up)

Simon:
(Waving his hands) A dental psychologist!

Karl:
(Rubbing his lower jaw) So what does a dental psychologist do?

Charlie:
I don’t know exactly, but I assume it’s a profession dealing with mental conditions derived from problems involving paranoia or obsession with ones mouth.

Kevin:
Well that took the fun out of it.

Simon:
More like stating the obvious. So what sort of problems?

Charlie:
She was obsessed with keeping her teeth white for her acting career.

Karl:
An actress?

Charlie:
Sorry, future acting career. She would buy 2 toothbrushes everyday to keep her teeth as clean as possible. Of course it was actually destroying her teeth so her friend, Miles advised her to seek psychiatric help.

Simon:
So she has an obsessive-compulsive disorder?

Charlie:
Looks like it.

Kevin:
Well you two psych doctors can deal with it, I’m going back to bed.

Kevin stands up from the table still half laughing from the dental psychology jokes. The phone starts ringing. Kevin picks it up as he heads upstairs.

Kevin:
Hello? Oh hi Lucinda. How are your incisors doing?

Charlie grabs the phone of Kevin pushing him up the stairs. Kevin goes obediently. Still laughing from the phone call. The others turn away from the drama leaving Charlie alone to deal with Lucinda.

Lucinda:
Has Miles come back yet?

Charlie:
(Gently) I’m sorry Lucinda but I already told you Miles doesn’t live here anymore.

Lucinda:
Who is this?

Charlie:
Its Charlie, we talked earlier this morning.



Lucinda:
Could you tell Miles I need his advice on toothpaste, I think the brand I am using is making my teeth shrink?

Charlie:
I’m sorry but I don’t know how to find Miles. But (Sits down) would you like to talk to me about it.

Fade.


Int. Hallway. Day.

The phone is ringing, Kevin comes out, and he pauses briefly before grinning madly and picking up the phone.

Kevin:
(Very drone accent mimicking Lucinda) Is Miles there, no he’s not here I’m asking you. Please tell him I need to talk to him. No you tell him, he’s not here. He’s not here either. (In a chirpy English accent) Spot of tea love.

He slams the phone down. After a few seconds it rings again.

BlitzKrieg

Int. Karl’s room. Night.

The phone is ringing. Karl is lying in bed. He is looking up at the ceiling. He gives a brief sigh and turns on the bedside light. He takes out a book from the shelf and starts reading. He winces at the sound of the phone so he buries himself under the blankets of the bed. Footsteps are heard outside his room as Charlie goes downstairs. The ringing stops. Karl lies back into bed. He turns off the light and lies there again staring at the ceiling. The distant murmuring of Charlie can be heard. Karl sighs again and turns on his sidelight again.

Fade.



Int. numerous rooms. Afternoon.

The phone is ringing. There are three housemates in the house. Simon is in the kitchen, he is desperately trying to make sense of the instructions on the side of a tin of Spam. He closes the door when he hears the phone and raises the volume on the nearby stereo he returns to the tin of Spam and begins to cut the tin open with a can opener. Kevin is in the sitting room playing a new game on his X-box, numerous dishes lie before him most of them still containing half eaten pizzas and chewed beef jerky. Hearing the phone he slips on his headphones and continues playing his computer game slowly nodding his head, he briefly glances up when he hears a door shut and lock above him. Upstairs Karl is trying to read a book. He has his door shut and has his pillow over his head. Yet he is still clearly wincing at the sound of the telephone. He gets out of the bed and pulls open the window; he pulls himself out as far as he can without falling and tries to continue reading his book. Charlie passes underneath him. Rolling his eyes at him Karl goes back inside his room. Charlie enters the front door and puts his shoulder bag down by the table. He picks up the phone.

Charlie:
Hello? (Pause) Sure I’ll get him for you. (Charlie lowers the phone) Karl! Phone! (There is no sound from upstairs) Hold on a second. (Charlie puts the phone down and heads upstairs, moments later Karl comes down the stairs)

Karl:
Hey John? No I didn’t find it that hard, I mean its not like we had to read all of the books, only the first one. You what? Oh that’s going to mess with your work, no I cant, we don’t have a connection here yet, but Kevin, one of my housemates he’s talking to the landlord about getting one, I’m not sure. Yeah. No not Kevin trust me, there’s only two things he’s going to use it for, music and porn. But tell me does it live up to the hype? I mean the original was a classic. You got it in front of you? Could you? Ring me back when it’s loaded up. (Karl puts the phone down, he turns to Simon who is halfway through the kitchen door) John’s picked up Half Life two the lucky sod

The phone starts to ring again. Karl reaches down and picks up the receiver.

Karl:
So how does it/?

Lucinda:
Is Miles there?

The colour seems to die in Karl’s face he throws the receiver down hard onto the phone

Simon:
Karl what’s/

Karl:
Why won’t she leave us alone, why?

Karl stamps aggressively up the stairs; he barges through Charlie who is coming down the stairs. Simon sighs lightly and goes back into the kitchen. The phone starts to ring again.

Fade.

Int. Hallway. Night.

We hear Lucinda talking over the phone. Kevin and Karl are sitting in the sitting room, they are both playing at the X-box, the mess of dishes before Kevin still hasn’t moved and he is now chewing on one of the old pieces of beef jerky. Karl is talking to him about something but is inaudible under Lucinda. Simon is at the sitting room table; he has numerous books out before him. He is trying to read a big piece of text in one of the books; he gives a brief glimpse into the hallway. Charlie is sitting by the phone; he is listening intently to Lucinda after a few moments he makes a note on his notepad, which is sitting in his lap.

Lucinda:
I understand that keeping my teeth clean is only part of the process to becoming a truly beautiful star (pause), I keep my body pure too, this can be done by avoiding the incarnations of filth, filth such as fat. I keep to the eating of vegetable and fruits and only those that gloss, fruit can be dirty too. Cabbage is very dirty as are potatoes I would never eat those kinds of vegetables. I must also keep my body safe from the outside world too. That is why I keep my time away from my room limited. I see the doctor, because a doctor’s place is always clean. Except my last doctor he wasn’t very clean so I changed to a different doctor one who kept his office in order. That other doctor he shouldn’t be allowed to work. I never travel by foot, the streets are far too dangerous, too much filth and people who are not clean. Public transport is also very dirty, buses and trains carry so much disease, people being cramped together. I keep to private transport, my own car or a friend’s. I have been relying on my family and friends at the moment as the court have taken my licence away, (Charlie makes his note in the notepad) they don’t understand that one should not need to drive near a garbage truck…

Fade.

Int. Kevin’s room. Night.

The phone is ringing. Kevin is lying in bed with his Walkman on. The music is quite soothing soft rock but the volume is up very high. He doesn’t seem too concern about the phone. He lifts up a bottle of whiskey and takes a deep drink of it. He puts it down again. He gives a brief smile. He takes another drink and finishes the bottle. He puts the empty bottle down beside his own bed with the other empty bottles. He pulls out a fresh bottle of whiskey; he calmly reads the label aloud before opening it. He gives one final brief smile before drinking the bottle.


Int. Hallway. Day.

The phone is ringing, Kevin comes out, and he pauses briefly before grinning madly and picking up the phone.



Kevin:
(Chinese accent) Hung well Chinese take-away. Yes ma’am. So that’s two orders of chicken size balls and a side of beefy testicles. Collect in twenty minutes.

He slams the phone down. After a few seconds it rings again.



Ext. outside the house. Morning.

Charlie is standing in the middle of the road, Simon is just leaving the house closing the door behind him, he lazily scratches the back of his neck before joining Charlie who has begun to walk down the road.

Simon:
Freud analysis and criticism first?

Charlie:
Yeah.

Simon:
And we needed to have what for the seminar?

Charlie:
It’s not the seminar, just the lecture.

Simon:
So we don’t need anything?

Charlie:
Yes.

Simon:
We start psychological care next semester right?

Charlie:
Yeah, Dr. Roseberg is taking it.

Simon:
Looking forward to it?

Charlie:
It’s the most important module for those hoping to be a top psychologist. So yes I am looking forward to it.

Charlie begins looking over his notes from the night before.


Simon:
I see… So…have you figured out how to get rid of her yet?

Charlie:
Rid of who?

Simon:
Psycho woman…As Kevin puts it.

Charlie:
No and please don’t call her that, her name is Lucinda.

Simon:
Oh we’re on first name basis now?

Charlie:
Only because I don’t know her second.

Simon:
So what have you been talking to her about for the last week?

They both turn into university and head towards the Mumford theatre.

Charlie:
I’ve mainly listened. Making notes and gently offering advice (makes a smooth movement with his hand.)

Simon:
(Mimics the hand movement) Does this advice include leaving us the hell alone?


Charlie:
Too fragile to do that.

Simon stops short of the door to the lecture hall, Charlie continues in.

Simon:
Fragile?

Charlie takes his seat near the back of the hall and starts lining his books out before him, Simon comes up and sits beside him.

Simon:
(Whispers) Let me tell you about fragile. Karl is almost having a nervous breakdown; Kevin won’t remove his headphones or move away from the T.V/

Charlie:
(Whispers) I doubt Lucinda has anything to do with that. And as for Karl he looked like he was having a breakdown since the day we arrived.

Simon:
(More aggressively) Hell yes it does. That woman has not ceased to ring us day and night. The only times we have peace is when your talking to her. When have you had a full night sleep?

Charlie:
I always get a full night sleep.

Simon:
Four hours is not a full night sleep!

Charlie:
It’s enough for me.

Simon:
Why are you doing this?

Charlie:
I want to help her/

Simon:
Bull****.

Charlie:
She suffers from emotional problems, she needs this Miles to comfort her or else she might take matters into her own hands. Matters like her life.

Simon:
But Miles doesn’t live there. We do.

Charlie:
I know but as the only/

Simon:
Standing up) Miles! Miles! If you’re here tell me, your psychotic girlfriend wont leave us alone.

The other students turn to look at Simon, Charlie is desperately trying to pull him down.

Simon:
She rings us day after day, night after night. She needs you. If you don’t contact her soon she might, (hesitates) we might…(Shouting violently) DOES ANYONE KNOW A ****ING MILES HERE! (Slams his fist on the table scattering Charlie’s books. And quietly whispers) please, make her go away.

Simon sits back down, there is a small flutter of laughter from the other students, most are shocked but before anyone can react the lecturer enters the room and gives a small cough. Charlie leans over to Simon.

Charlie:
(Coldly) I’m going to help her Simon. Then she’ll stop.

Fade.

BlitzKrieg

Ext. Outside the house. Afternoon.

We hear again Lucinda’s voice over the phone. Charlie and Simon are walking home from the lecture, they are still angry at each other. They stop at the door both waiting for the other to get out their keys to open the door. Finally Charlie gives in and starts fumbling for his keys. After a few seconds he retrieves them and opens the door.


Lucinda:
…Make myself as presentable as stars such as Julia Roberts and Cameron Diaz I perform necessary cleansing acts every morning. Firstly I brush my teeth, while I no longer use a new toothbrush each morning, I ensure that each toothbrush is well cleaned by leaving them to soak in anti-bacteria the night before, and I ensure the toothpaste is fresh each morning, using the same tube results in filthier toothpaste each passing day. I have fresh Colgate whitener and as Miles recommended Colgate Aqua, he says it brings out a more refreshing breath. After that I thoroughly cleanse myself in the bath I use a new soap each morning as well as scrap off the dead skin all over my body from the night before, finally after being cleansed I perform an all body massage to keep my appearance youthful and attractive. I start with the scalp, tugging each individual hair to make sure they are healthy; any that come out are unhealthy and require me to rub a herbal juice into my scalp to replenish the damaged roots…

Lucinda’s voice fades as Simon and Charlie enters the door, Charlie sees the phone is off the hook, lying on the table; Lucinda is talking to thin air. Kevin can be seen sitting in front of the television; he is once again playing his X-box. Charlie storms across the hall and slaps Kevin hard across the back of his head. Kevin jumps up only to discover how tall Charlie is compared to him and declines to challenge him. Simon ignores the situation and goes into the kitchen.

Charlie:
What the hell are you doing?

Kevin:
Playing Halo 2? (Achieving a small victory he gives a smile)

Charlie:
(Walking over to the phone) The phone is off the hook, have you left Lucinda talking to no one. Do you know how dangerous that is to Her?

Kevin:
(Following Charlie over, he picks up the phone and listens to Lucinda) Sounds like she’s having a good time.

Lucinda:
After my neck, I stand before the mirror and slowly massage my breasts; I encourage them until my nipples are erect and then measure/

Kevin:
(Laughing uncontrollably) Holy ****. Now I see why you listen to this. It’s a sex line and a comedy line mixed into one. (Shouts to Simon in the kitchen) Simon! You must hear this; it’s like a zombie sex line. (Charlie grabs the phone of Kevin and puts his hand over the speaker end of the receiver)

Charlie:
Kevin this is not a joke, if you pull a stunt like that again she could kill herself. It’s a psychological condition, she’s dependent on this communication with the outside world, if we shun her then she might/

Kevin:
She might what? Kill herself? Fine let her. For a piece of quiet I’ll encourage her.

Kevin grabs the phone of Charlie and pushes him back; Simon peaks out from the kitchen

Kevin:
Lucinda? Hello. This is Kevin; Miles has just come in let me get him for you.

Lucinda:
Oh good could you/

Kevin:
(Puts on a deep voice) Hello Lucinda, this is Miles. I’m sorry but you’re a scary bitch and I want you to leave me alone.

Lucinda:
Miles, I need you to talk to my psychiatrist for me.

Kevin:
(Still with a deep voice) Don’t worry Lucinda he’s here with me, in fact we are in a homosexual relationship, all thanks to you. (Kevin throws the phone up in the air, while at the same time pushing Charlie back who is trying to get the phone off him)

Lucinda:
Thank you find out what kind of/

Kevin:
(Now in a ‘camp’ voice) Lucinda darling, how horrible to hear from you, listen the only cure for your problems is four pints of any alcoholic substance you can find and a night with as many men, and if that doesn’t work a swift thrust of a kitchen knife through your/

Charlie punches Kevin across the face; Simon runs out of the kitchen and grabs Charlie pulling him back from Kevin. The phone falls to the ground and Lucinda is cut off.

Charlie:
Are you crazy! /

Simon:
Charlie relax! /

Kevin:
No I’m not crazy! She is! And so are you for encouraging her.

Charlie:
I’m trying to help her!

Kevin:
Why you? Why not some professional like her Psychiatrist or her dental psychiatrist, you’re only helping yourself!


Charlie:
Take that back!

Kevin:
Or what you’ll hit me again? You already chased Karl out of the house.

Charlie suddenly deflates Simon slowly lets go of him.

Charlie:
What?

Kevin:
Karl’s left, he’s moving in with his friend John. Said the house was driving him nuts, he unhooked the phone just before leaving jut over an hour ago.

Simon:
Charlie, please stop talking to her, she chased Karl away. If we all agree the landlord will let us change the number.

Simon puts the phone back up on the table.

Charlie:
And risk her life? Risk a human life? I cant Simon. You got to understand, if I let her go how will I be able to do this again and again for the rest of my life? Karl could have left for hundreds of other reasons.

Kevin:
Like what?

Charlie ignores Kevin and starts’ going up the stairs when he is about halfway the phone starts ringing. He turns around and comes back down. He picks up the phone under the stares of both Kevin and Simon.

Charlie: Hello? Hi Lucinda. No. Sorry Miles isn’t here. (Looks directly at Kevin) That was a bad joke by a friend. It’s Charlie Lucinda. Is there something you want to talk about?

Both Simon and Kevin sit down in the sitting room. Kevin is rubbing his lower jaw.

Kevin: Told you it was about him.






Int. Simon’s bedroom. Late night.


The phone is ringing; Simon can hear it distantly from his room. He turns on his side and buries his head into his pillow. After a few seconds we hear Charlie come down the stairs and answer the phone, Simon looks over at his alarm clock, the bright digital numbers say that its five am. He sighs and turns back to get some sleep.



Int. hallway. Early morning.

Charlie is on the phone; he is making notes in his notepad. Simon comes down the stairs he is pulling a trunk behind.

Charlie:
I think I’m making progress, she didn’t ask for Mi/

Simon:
Good for you. (He drops numerous sheets of paper in front of Charlie.) These are the accommodation contracts take good care of them.

Charlie:
Wait but! (There is a distant scream from the telephone) Lucinda what’s wrong?

Simon shows a moment of frustration before continuing out the door.

Charlie:
Simon wait. (Again there is distant sobbing from the telephone) Lucinda it only happens when you leave the tap running too long. Simon wait! (Charlie tries to go after Simon while trying to wrestle with Lucinda’s panic attack) Its not filth. It won’t affect you. Trust me. Simon please wait!

Its too late, the door slams hard as Simon leaves. Kevin is in the kitchen cleaning a pint glass he watches as Simon walks down the street

Kevin:
That leaves two of us.



Int. Hallway. Day.


The phone is ringing, Kevin comes out, and he pauses briefly before grinning madly and picking up the phone. Kevin pulls out a tie from his pocket.

Kevin:
(Wrapping the tie around his neck) Help. Aghk! We’re being murdered, ahh. They’ve gutted Miles and Charlie. Stop it! You’re choking me! Help us! Ring 911 please, aghh! (Kevin slips to the ground making gurgling noises. He remains quiet waiting for a response.)

Lucinda:
I just need to talk to Miles please.

Kevin sits up.

Kevin:
(Wearily) I need you to **** off.

He slams the phone down hard. And sits there momentarily. Finally another grin appears across his face.


Int. Hallway. Evening.

Charlie enters the front door. He drops his bag by the table and looks at the phone. Its not ringing, Kevin is in the sitting room watching television. Charlie enters and sits at the table. He pulls out a sheet of paper advertising two spaces in a house. He throws it over to Kevin. Kevin briefly glances over it.

Charlie:
What do you think? Will we get two new housemates?


Kevin:
(Shrugs) Maybe.

Kevin is still angry over Charlie punching him; he puts the sheet down and continues to watch television. Charlie looks back at the phone. He has a confused look over his face.

BlitzKrieg

Int. Sitting room. Night.

Its later the same night, both Kevin and Charlie are in the sitting room eating dinner; Charlie is constantly glancing over to the phone. Kevin is calmly eating his Chinese take away in front of the television. Charlie is at the table prodding at his home cooked lasagne. Finally he gives up and puts his fork down.

Charlie:
Kevin.

Kevin:
Yeah?

Charlie:
She hasn’t rung?

Kevin:
(Quite smug) Not at all.

Charlie:
Do you think? That maybe I finally coaxed her into being more independent.

Kevin:
Maybe she killed herself.

Charlie:
I don’t think so. Should I give Simon and Karl a ring and see if they want to come back?

Kevin:
(Looking rather nervous) No it’s ok. I’ll ring them; I have Karl’s mobile number anyway.

Charlie:
Cheers. And Kevin?

Kevin:
Yeah?

Charlie:
I’m sorry I hit you.

Kevin:
No problem. Just don’t be so stupid ever again.

Charlie gets up and starts clearing away his dishes, he puts them in the kitchen and stops to look at the phone on his way out. He traces the phone with his eyes. Following its cord all the way down to the phone line by the wall. Its been pulled from its socket. Kevin, seeing that Charlie has spotted his ploy stands up to defend himself.


Charlie:
Kevin! The phone is unplugged. What the hell were you thinking?

Kevin:
Trying to get some peace and quiet! That’s what I was thinking.

Charlie reaches down to plug the phone back in

Charlie:
I can’t believe you would/

Kevin:
Would what? Try to shut her up? That’s easy. (Charlie goes to plug the phone back in) Don’t! (He stops) you plug that phone back in and you’ll be looking for three housemates and I doubt anyone will come here. Most people have heard from Karl and Simon about Lucinda. Just please Charlie leave it unplugged.

Charlie is kneeling on the floor holding the phone line. Kevin is standing a few feet away his fists clenched. Charlie stares at Kevin, Kevin stares back.
Fade.
Int. Hallway. Night.
The hall is empty; we hear laughter and cheering from the sitting room. The phone starts to ring. The sitting room door opens and a young black woman walks out. She picks up the phone.


Woman:
Hello? (Pause) No sorry there’s no Charlie here. (Pause) sure, no problem. Goodbye.



end *phew*

Raphael

Woah, that is really really good

Nasty_Girl

I really really liked that!

BlitzKrieg

well its being shot on digital so hopefully i can put the finished film up somewhere when i have completed it.

Fysh

Strikes me as a bit long if 15 minutes is what you're aiming for, but apart from that it's pretty good. The main thing will be finding someone who can put the right sort of misguided good intentions into their performance of Charlie. I'd definitely be interested in seeing the end result tho.

BEAT

I too felt it is going to run longer than 15 minutes...unless you rework it as you are filming.
It is definitley a good short film...sounds like something I would see at the sundance film festival if it were longer than 15 minutes, which it will be if you leave at its current state.
It has that annoying ingredient, the one where you are annoyed with the story because of the phone/caller but it makes you keep reading/watching because you want to find out the ending...
so it makes you want more even though you wish it would end.
All in all a good storyline for the type of film you are making.


well done, like to see some more when you can.

Sarky

That was... Interesting. I'd certainly like to see the finished film.

BlitzKrieg

BEAT wrote:

I too felt it is going to run longer than 15 minutes...unless you rework it as you are filming.
It is definitley a good short film...sounds like something I would see at the sundance film festival if it were longer than 15 minutes, which it will be if you leave at its current state.
It has that annoying ingredient, the one where you are annoyed with the story because of the phone/caller but it makes you keep reading/watching because you want to find out the ending...
so it makes you want more even though you wish it would end.
All in all a good storyline for the type of film you are making.


well done, like to see some more when you can.

you know thats my 2nd favourite compliment i've had about my work (the other was my work being compared to martin scorsese's work which put me over the moon, but it wasnt the piece above it was a 16mm film i did.)


anyway back to the 15minute time frame. Certain scenes will move faster in the finished piece then they do in the script, for example the opening scene will most likely blur into a montage at the part of the speech. Also the part where kevin and charlie fight will move alot quicker and i will encourage my actors to ablib a bit (Kevin is meant to be holding charlie off while taking the piss out of lucinda) as they will actually talk over each other at parts.

I'll be storyboarding it over christmas, so i'll have a more accurate timeframe then...

Fysh, i have an actor in mind whomight pull of charlie, he has the voice and posture but his appearance is wrong and he wont cut his beard or dye his hair which is very unprofessional but understandable.

i forgot to add that the events in this film are inspired by true events.

i'm hoping to write a feature leangth script in may so look out for that.

Miguel_Sanchez

One thing I'd say is that it's very wordy. I realise that this is the sort of script that it's intended to be but it can be quite difficult to get it right - the actors will need to be very good.

It would work better I think as a short play given that the majority of it is in one setting.

It does seem interesting though. The speech at the start seems a bit stilted to be honest. A bit obvious for character exposition I think. You may think about trying to show what they do another way.