need help understanding women

LegacyUser

worked with this girl for a few months or so. got on with her great, laugh and joke and what not. she started askin me some questions about myself and i kinda got the impression that she could have been interested.
thing is i think she's an absolute stunner, extremely attractive, and i aint the most confident person to say the least. taught i was only kidding myself

was out one night and one of her friends aproached me. just was talkin away when she asked me what did i think of this girl. i was kinda caught of guard so just started smiling and just said i think she's a nice girl. when the friend left, she was smiling and just said to be thinking about her.

was set to say something to this girl but didnt see her for another month. then from only seeing her at work it was kinda hard to bring up the topic.

anyways, it has been doing my nut in. she continued made some jokes about us being a couple or laughs when other staff make some remarks about "us." i just keep thinkin IF i actually had a chance. i've since left that job and have only seen her three times in the last 3 months. wish i had said something now

so basically what i want to know is was it more than likely some harmless fun or not.

signed, desperatley confused

Beruthiel

am_i_stupid

in a word
YES!!

good lord man, she just about stopped short of throwing herself at ya!

ask her out goddamnit!

koneko

What is with people? What's the worst thing that can happen when you ask someone out?

She might say "no, but i'm flattered". If you don't try, you'll never do anything or go anywhere. Take a chance.

pickarooney

koneko wrote:

What is with people? What's the worst thing that can happen when you ask someone out?

So why the hell didn't she? Gahhh!

Canis Lupus

cos there is humiliation involved koneko

Particularly asking a friend out is a killer and asking out someone who could be a friend is a bit of an arse as well.... and if she says no u just know she has told all there girl friends and they are all laughing behind yur back at ya or maybe im just a paranoid freak

I'm not helping the original poster by filling his mind with doubt and fear..

spockety

I never cease to be amazed at the sheer volume of people on boards.ie who would appear to have absolutely no problem whatsoever just asking people out. Such is their confidence, I'm amazed they have any time to spend posting here at all instead of being out all the time with the girls/boys they have won over. :rolleyes:

As to the original poster.. don't listen to anyone that says she was a sure thing, or throwing herself at you etc.. there is also a decent enough chance she was just f*cking with you.

Kell

spockety wrote:

As to the original poster.. don't listen to anyone that says she was a sure thing, or throwing herself at you etc.. there is also a decent enough chance she was just f*cking with you.

Or she wants his hot cóck in her juicy box?

Mr Confused, quit being a doormat. You like her dont you? You'd like to get hot and heavy with her, yes?

Ask her.

Simple.

If she says no, so what. Someone said theres humiliation involved. Why? Whats humiliating about a put down from someone who if they said no doesnt deserve you in the first place. And besides, IF she says no, Typedef her sister. Twice.

K-

Idbatterim

They are hardly great friends if they have only seen each other 3 times over the past 3 months. You would obviously like her as a girlfriend, so just ask her out. She may have mistaken your lack of confidence, and think that your are a non typical male - aka the non desperate type, women like that and a challenge. I think at this stage if she was going to ask you out shed have done it, so ask or youll look back in a few months/years and say "what if".... Even if she says no, its not like you have to see her everyday in work or whatever. Nothing ventured....

BEAT

there is NOTHING worse than the "what if" ...so what you get rejected, you can get over that.
what you cant get over is that feeling of not knowing , ask her out you really have nothing to lose

Bri

Joking about being a couple and so on strike me as classic flirting/hinting tactics.

I'd say ask her, you don't have to go for a full on candle-lit meal first time. If she's as great as she sounds then go for it.

I wish you luck!

MistressPandora

Kell wrote:

Typedef her sister. Twice.

And slowly, but surely, Boards starts its own language.




Where is Typedef these days anyway? Surely he'd proud to see this?

WhiteWashMan

he's too busy with his own sister these days.


and her sister...

Kell

MistressPandora wrote:

Where is Typedef these days anyway? Surely he'd proud to see this?

Hmmnn. Me preturbed. He's not answering calls or texts either. Maybe, as WWM says, he's too busy with his sisters sister. Either that, or Boards no longer appeals to the higher echelons of his brain.

K-

koneko

spockety wrote:

I never cease to be amazed at the sheer volume of people on boards.ie who would appear to have absolutely no problem whatsoever just asking people out. Such is their confidence, I'm amazed they have any time to spend posting here at all instead of being out all the time with the girls/boys they have won over. :rolleyes:

Wow, you're funny. Really. Just because you have a problem asking people out doesn't mean everyone else does. Cop on.

You take the good with the bad. You might get rejected, but if you never ask anyone out you'll be sitting at home on your own forever. It might seem hard, but just make yourself do it. You'll feel better for it.

Bri

It might be sarcastic but the underlying point strikes me as valid. All too easy for strangers to take the high moral ground or the most mature/strong decision when it doesn't affect them. I'd say plenty of us are guilty of that.

koneko

And sometimes people here need to learn to take advice as advice, and not start preaching about it. I wasn't taking a moral highground, or making light of the situation, but speaking from experience. If you don't ask, you don't get, it's that simple. Even if you aren't very confident, it's one of those things like you have to force yourself to do otherwise you'll always be stuck wondering what if.

Like when you put off a phonecall you dont' want to make. Just do it. Don't think about it. The more you think about it, the less likely you are to do it.

spockety

koneko wrote:

Wow, you're funny. Really. Just because you have a problem asking people out doesn't mean everyone else does. Cop on.

And just because you apparently have no problem asking people out, doesn't mean everybody else doesn't. I'd be so bold as to suggest that in fact, most people find it quite difficult. It's easy to sit here and say "just go for it", it's another thing entirely to act on the suggestion. But as someone who has no problem with it, you probably don't understand, and fair play to you, you're one of the lucky ones.

spockety

BTW, the only reason I picked up on it is because of the tone of your original reply, "What is it with people?", reads to me like, "What is wrong with you?".

koneko

spockety wrote:

I'd be so bold as to suggest that in fact, most people find it quite difficult.

And he's posting on personal isues asking for advice... what would you say to him? Sit in the corner and wait until she asks you to marry her? No.

Sleepy

Pick up phone. Dial Her Number. Ask her on a date. Turn up to date. Take it from there.

Good luck!

Victor

Beruthiel wrote:

good lord man, she just about stopped short of throwing herself at ya!

You forget one of the basic precepts of humanity - women are evil!*

Yes, it's difficult for a lot of guys to ask a girl out and girls never make the effort to ask guys out, but it isn't usually that big of a deal in the actual asking. It's the probing, prodding, indecision of "does she like me?", "is she seeing someone already?" is the big problem.

You need to stop thinking of her as some china doll that will shatter if she says no.

* Mary: "You like Laura, don't you?"
Victor "Eh, yeah, shes lovely".
/Mary scuttles off
Mary: "Laura, Victor likes you."
Laura: The *******? How dare he? I have a boyfriend!"

mayordenis

whip out your langer . . . .
the rest writes itself.

CathyMoran

Ask her out somehow - what did she need to do, write a sign saying that she fancied you...you will regret it more in the future if you do nothing now. I find it harder if I like a guy, would never ask the guy out but at the very least I would do what the girl did (at least as far as asking questions). Let us know how you get on

Victor

Behave!

Victor

CathyMoran wrote:

would never ask the guy out

Why? I demand you answer in the name of all women.

aidan_walsh

mayordenis wrote:

whip out your langer . . . .
the rest writes itself.

Actually, I believe the Judge writes those

Seriously though, whats stopping you asking her out? Just go for it if you're sure she likes you, and if you aren't, take our word for it...

BEAT

Victor wrote:

Why? I demand you answer in the name of all women.

pfffft she speaks for herself, I agree with Koneko... if you like them let them know!
I certainly do, life is too short and you only live once!


afterall, whats worse than the feeling of "what if"?

CathyMoran

BEAT wrote:

pfffft she speaks for herself, I agree with Koneko... if you like them let them know!
I certainly do, life is too short and you only live once!


afterall, whats worse than the feeling of "what if"?

Hmph - maybe I am a bit too meak...

koneko

You gotta grab life by the balls.

stagolee

pickarooney wrote:

So why the hell didn't she? Gahhh!

bloody good point that

BEAT

koneko wrote:

You gotta grab life by the balls.

my kinda gal

CathyMoran

Slightly off topic - how do you distinguish between a friendship talk between a guy and a girl and a curious talk? Most of my friends are male but I just realised that I must give out mixed signals at time... also how do you figure if they are dating without making a total idiot of yourself...there has to be an easier way...also, a curious talk might turn into a friendship talk and sometimes you can't tell until you physically touch the person in some way...i'm 30 now and I still do not have a clue :eek:

BEAT

Cathy Moran, sounds like a topic for a whole new thread...I bet if you post that question up you will get a ton of answers...personally I am upfront and make it a point to ask the 'right' questions.
Generally the other person appreciates the blunt honesty so they can get whatever is on thier mind out in the open..they can either tell you , ya I like this other girl...or , hey you and I should continue this conversation somewhere else

The Corinthian

To the original poster: Does she need landing lights on her legs before you get the hint? Seriously. Ask her out.

To those posters who think it’s perfectly alright to not ask someone out for fear of rejection: I agree (at least in your case) and you guys keep on doing that. This is how natural selection works after all.

koneko wrote:

You gotta grab life by the balls.

Indeed. Fancy a drink tonight?

OY

To the original poster: Does she need landing lights on her legs before you get the hint? Seriously. Ask her out.

Lay off people! The guy knows he did wrong, that is why he is here...for some comfort and to be told that he does not suck blue monkey balls!

I agree that life is too short and that he should have grabbed the bull by the horns and all of that stuff but i think he knows that already. Hence the depression!

Original Poster: It is not the fact that you did not ask her that is the problem here, it is the fact that you are beating yourself up for it. Listen to some of these people and if you get another chance...bite the bullet but if not try and move on and accept that there are a lot more blah in the blah! It will happen though...

CathyMoran

To Corinthian - while I normally agree with your posts, the asking someone out is not that straight-forward. I never fancy someone on looks alone (or even at all), so by the time I do like them by getting to know them, I am often too good friends with them to risk loosing them by asking them out, which is probably why I have so many male friends...

Rejection is not that bad, loosing a really close friend is...

Canis Lupus

CathyMoran wrote:

To Corinthian - while I normally agree with your posts, the asking someone out is not that straight-forward. I never fancy someone on looks alone (or even at all), so by the time I do like them by getting to know them, I am often too good friends with them to risk loosing them by asking them out, which is probably why I have so many male friends...

Rejection is not that bad, loosing a really close friend is...

Exactly

Lump

Beruthiel wrote:

am_i_stupid

in a word
YES!!

good lord man, she just about stopped short of throwing herself at ya!

ask her out goddamnit!

FFS, it's not that easy trust me. I was basically in the same situation as the original poster. I told this girl one night I liked her and could I take her out.... I got kicked in the nuts. She said that nothing would ever happen between us and I knew it.... How I knew it I don't think I'll ever know. Woman are complicated. Someone told me that she was insecure and craved attention, hence the leading me along. I don't know. So much stuff happened between us that no one knows about. Texts, conversations, etc etc... It's a tough one. I suggest telling her... or you'll never know, and it'll do your head in for months. If no is the answer move on, plenty more where she came from.

John

dublin_apache

am_i_stupid wrote:

so basically what i want to know is was it more than likely some harmless fun or not.

Ring up your old job NOW and ask her out, don't think about it do it...

The worst thing she could say is no and that's her loss isn't it...

Go for it !

LegacyUser

Ok am I the only person who never asks anyone out? I have a social circle of friends of 19/20 who don't ask people out and afaik this is the norm of my age, well for anyone I've ever met it is. I only ask girls out on dates as such when we're already going out. To me asking a girl out isnt really an option that comes across my head. Do people naturally start going on dates as they get older?

BEAT

CathyMoran wrote:

To Corinthian - while I normally agree with your posts, the asking someone out is not that straight-forward. I never fancy someone on looks alone (or even at all), so by the time I do like them by getting to know them, I am often too good friends with them to risk loosing them by asking them out, which is probably why I have so many male friends...

Rejection is not that bad, loosing a really close friend is...

and here we have the ingredients to living a sinlge life forever.
Seriously now...you are still letting your fears guide you out of being with someone you really like, I have found that if they are really your friend and you make the offer/attempt at asking them out they will decline nicely and you can laugh about it later...or they will be relieved you made the first step!

It doesnt mean you cant still be friends, hell I have a ton of male friends and half of them have either asked me out at one point or I have asked them out.
It is really not that big of a deal...I think you just need to change your frame of mind

It's a part of life people, you cant "not live" because of fear of rejection , take a chance ...if it doesnt work keep moving! It isnt going to kill you and if you have the right frame of mind You will be able to joke about it with that friend the same day, which will only make your friendship stronger

Perhaps I should write a book

Canis Lupus

Yeah but this asking out stuff IS hard... Any girl I've been with or had as a girlfriend happened "organically" in so far as there was no asking out on dates rather it just progressed from stranger to friends to doing stuff together as friends and then so on....

CathyMoran

BEAT wrote:

and here we have the ingredients to living a sinlge life forever.
Seriously now...you are still letting your fears guide you out of being with someone you really like, I have found that if they are really your friend and you make the offer/attempt at asking them out they will decline nicely and you can laugh about it later...or they will be relieved you made the first step!

It doesnt mean you cant still be friends, hell I have a ton of male friends and half of them have either asked me out at one point or I have asked them out.
It is really not that big of a deal...I think you just need to change your frame of mind

It's a part of life people, you cant "not live" because of fear of rejection , take a chance ...if it doesnt work keep moving! It isnt going to kill you and if you have the right frame of mind You will be able to joke about it with that friend the same day, which will only make your friendship stronger

Perhaps I should write a book

I think that the problem arises when you date a close friend...as I have said before, it is not the rejection, it is the loosing of a close friend. Have dated a close friend as the chemistry was too strong for either of us to ignore but afterwards the friendship was never the same...it took me 7 years to get back the friendship. I have also asked a friend out who I was friends with for years before I asked him out (only time I was ever rejected) and the friendship is still in tact, I still hug him etc...

Don't have the single fear - I have been proposed to twice this year after all

To the original poster - we want updates - have you asked her out yet

Sarn

unreggy wrote:

Do people naturally start going on dates as they get older?

It's either casually ask them out, get yourself hammered (and them optionally) and ask them out, or suffer the dreaded "what if...." Or you watch as they go off with someone else which is also gutting.

It's definitely easier to get over rejection (if it happens) then wondering all the time. Of course depending on the relationship you have with the person you ask you may get different responses. I've asked close friends out, fortunately in my case things returned to normal after a week or two of strained behaviour.

The tough thing is bringing yourself to do it. As mentioned above the more you think about it the tougher it gets. I've considered it similar to walking to a cliff edge and just stepping off (with a bungie cord). The feeling of freedom afterwards is pleasant.

azezil

LegacyUser

well thanks for all the responses, good to get different perspectives on the situation.

bumped into the girl a few days ago by chance, exchanged phone numbers. she said she'd text me and did the day later. nothin romatically inclined or whatever just a bit of chat. she sent me a msg sayin she was hittin the hay, so i sent one back to say good night. also said that if she leaves the job, which i think she might be in a while, to let me know so to head out for a drink.

i'm a terrible procrastinator at the best of times which doesnt help. IF i get her out for this drink i'll bring up the conversation i had with her friend those months ago. reckon i'll just say it played on my mind just a bit, take it from there.

my predicement is somewhat similar to another situation i found myself in.
knew this other girl before, got on really well. she asked me for a kiss one night and i taught she was messing, kissed my fingers and placed them on her lips. kissed some other girl that night which completely pissed off the girl i knew. next day she said she fancied me and that i threw it in her face. she was really pissed off.

day after she said it wasnt a big deal, she could see that i taught that she was messing. but it was just awkward around her, wasnt the same again. i didnt lead her on in any way which she agreed with.

suppose it just made me realise how complicated it can get when men and women actually get on well. do people think they are sending or recieving signals? bloody hell. all i know is that i dont want to be left with the dreaded "what if" question . . . for too much longer

CathyMoran

am_i_stupid wrote:

well thanks for all the responses, good to get different perspectives on the situation.

bumped into the girl a few days ago by chance, exchanged phone numbers. she said she'd text me and did the day later. nothin romatically inclined or whatever just a bit of chat. she sent me a msg sayin she was hittin the hay, so i sent one back to say good night. also said that if she leaves the job, which i think she might be in a while, to let me know so to head out for a drink.

i'm a terrible procrastinator at the best of times which doesnt help. IF i get her out for this drink i'll bring up the conversation i had with her friend those months ago. reckon i'll just say it played on my mind just a bit, take it from there.

my predicement is somewhat similar to another situation i found myself in.
knew this other girl before, got on really well. she asked me for a kiss one night and i taught she was messing, kissed my fingers and placed them on her lips. kissed some other girl that night which completely pissed off the girl i knew. next day she said she fancied me and that i threw it in her face. she was really pissed off.

day after she said it wasnt a big deal, she could see that i taught that she was messing. but it was just awkward around her, wasnt the same again. i didnt lead her on in any way which she agreed with.

suppose it just made me realise how complicated it can get when men and women actually get on well. do people think they are sending or recieving signals? bloody hell. all i know is that i dont want to be left with the dreaded "what if" question . . . for too much longer

Without bluntly asking her out the drink when she leaves sounds good. But when she has her leaving do there might be people from old work there - might that not be akward? You could ask her out to a film/coffee again - it would keep the momentum going? From what I can see the ball is in your court. I would not bring up the conversation with the friend. Yes - with men and women it is a wonder that we ever get together, but sieze the day. Best wishes.