Am I over reacting?

ravenhead

Hi all,

Question for you, My b/f had been hinting at this thing that he really wanted for xmas for the past month or so, I decided that I would get it for him as it is expensive & he wouldn't have had a clue that I would get it for him.
Anyway went off yesterday to get it - spent over €350 on it - & thought that I was the bee's knees etc.... Christmas made .... How wrong was I ????
Came home from work yesterday evening to a phone call from b/f during which he told me that he had gone off & bought it himself during the day!! Shat!!! I was devestated!!! Had to tell him about my gift ..... I'm really disappointed & as it's so close to xmas now i haven't got a clue what to get him ... i'm so p'd off... i mean why hint for ages in the run up to xmas about something that he wanted & then go & buy it himself only a couple of days before ..... Am I over reacting???? I can't help be feeling like xmas has been ruined for me as anything now is just going to be a rushed job ....

Why are you fella's soo thoughtless at time ...

Well that's my rant over & done .... thanks for listening,
Any idea's on a last min pressie would really be appreciated ..

koneko

Thoughtless? What? He's telling you about something he wants, because... you know... couples talk. He buys it himself, and you're upset? Yeah you are overreacting.

Guys don't drop hints. They tell you what they want. Their brains don't work the same way.

He probably didn't think you'd buy it for him, or just didn't think of it in that way at all. Really, just bring it back to the shop, get a refund, and buy him something else. It's not a big deal.

You're just upset because you didn't get to land a big expensive present on him and have him react like in a movie "oh my god, you're the best girlfriend ever!". Wouldn't worry about material goods that much, it's just a present.

fletch

What was it? What he like? Might give us an idea for a suggestion?

Beruthiel

koneko wrote:

Guys don't drop hints. They tell you what they want. Their brains don't work the same way.

got there before me babe!
ya
blokes don't do hints, he was never hinting, he was just talking, you took it as a hint as us women are great for that. He never expected you to go out and buy such an expensive prezzie. No point being mad at him, it's not his fault!

loz_the_boz

you should dump him and spend money on me !

koneko

Yeah, I'd return the gift, and spend the money on a pressie for him and something nice for yourself aswell

Dr. Loon

Yeah, we don't hint. I always tell my girlfriend what I want, and then I go and get it myself. It's just bad luck that you thought he was hinting. Do as Koneko and Beruthiel have suggested. No big deal.

Etain

Yes you are over- reacting. He didn't know what your were thinking. He saved you a pile of money, get over the anger and enjoy Christmas.

Oryx

Men just havent a clue really, which is why you could hint what you want for six months and he wont cop it. As hes not into the hinting thing, just get him something else, not as big!!! he'll be happy anyway. Or get underwear for you, hes happy , youre happy!!

Canis Lupus

If it was me in his position I'd be thrilled knowing that my gf went to the effort of buying anexpensive xmas present so don't feel like xmas is ruined altho I can sympathise with how u might feel.... Best thing now is just to ask him what else he might like for xmas instead....

Dr. Loon

KatieK wrote:

Men just havent a clue really,

Bóllox. If you think this, then Katie, you are the one without a clue.

ravenhead

koneko wrote:

Thoughtless? What? He's telling you about something he wants, because... you know... couples talk. He buys it himself, and you're upset? Yeah you are overreacting.

Guys don't drop hints. They tell you what they want. Their brains don't work the same way.

He probably didn't think you'd buy it for him, or just didn't think of it in that way at all. Really, just bring it back to the shop, get a refund, and buy him something else. It's not a big deal.

You're just upset because you didn't get to land a big expensive present on him and have him react like in a movie "oh my god, you're the best girlfriend ever!". Wouldn't worry about material goods that much, it's just a present.

That's not it at all, I personally don't put much value on material goods. it's the thought - A lot of time & effort went into tracking it down, making sure that I had the right thing - it's sports related, so i really didn't have a notion to begin with & sp spent ages researching it to make sure that I had what he was looking for, I always put thought into my gifts whether it be this or just a book, that's not the point.... & he is the type of guy that does give hints as to what he really wants, it's just how he is... but look at it from this point, say you had been out shopping with your g/f or had been having a converstation whatever it may be & she went on & on about how much she really wanted something & you then decided to surprise her with it & she came along & before you could give it to her bought it anyway ... would you not be a little p'd off by it?

Dr. Loon

It might be a mild hassle, but Jaysus. Get over it. Fair play to ye for tryin and all that.

Beruthiel

KatieK wrote:

Men just havent a clue really

it's not that they don't have a clue :rolleyes:
it's just they are made differently!
they don't get hints
we do
once we start understanding that, me thinks relationships might actually last a bit longer!

Dr. Loon

Beruthiel wrote:

they don't get hints

Actually I get hints. Then again I am a genius.

Beruthiel

ravenhead wrote:

That's not it at all, I personally don't put much value on material goods. it's the thought - A lot of time & effort went into tracking it down, making sure that I had the right thing - it's sports related, so i really didn't have a notion to begin with & sp spent ages researching it to make sure that I had what he was looking for, I always put thought into my gifts whether it be this or just a book, that's not the point.... & he is the type of guy that does give hints as to what he really wants, it's just how he is... but look at it from this point, say you had been out shopping with your g/f or had been having a converstation whatever it may be & she went on & on about how much she really wanted something & you then decided to surprise her with it & she came along & before you could give it to her bought it anyway ... would you not be a little p'd off by it?

so ya you might be pissed
but you still cannot take it out on that person for something they had no idea about!!!!

/edit
Dr. Loon
you're 'special'

BaZmO*

Beruthiel wrote:

blokes don't do hints....

But if they did the would probably be the best hints in the world.......

ravenhead

Canis Lupus wrote:

If it was me in his position I'd be thrilled knowing that my gf went to the effort of buying anexpensive xmas present so don't feel like xmas is ruined altho I can sympathise with how u might feel.... Best thing now is just to ask him what else he might like for xmas instead....

I wish I could ask him but even after what happened yesterday he wouldn't tell me what he'd like, he said that he had been hoping that I would get it for him but as I didn't ask him for any help to pick it out, he thought that i wasn't going to get it ... & as he thinks that knowing for sure what you're getting as a gift spoils things he won't give me any hints .... I'm completely at a loss .... I know that it's not his fault, I'm just disappointed

tinkerbell

Best bet is to just take it back to the shop. Explain that you bought it as a surprise for your bf, but he ended up getting the exact same thing a few days ago. Then you'll just have to ask him what he'd like instead.

Sorry that it didn't work out for ya

Trojan

look at it from this point, say you had been out shopping with your g/f or had been having a converstation whatever it may be & she went on & on about how much she really wanted something & you then decided to surprise her with it & she came along & before you could give it to her bought it anyway ... would you not be a little p'd off by it?

Not at all. What you have proposed is a ridiculous hypothetical situation - there's no way in hell I'd notice the hints in the 1st place.

(In general,)
Guys don't do hints.

We don't notice them, and we don't give them.

Now you said that you think he *did* give a hint. What does that imply? That he suggested you spend 350 quid on him, thought it highly likely that you would do so, and then decided to spite you by getting it? I seriously doubt it If that is the case, well the present is the least of your worries.

Velvet Vocals

I do think that this is a bit of an over reaction but I'm sure it must be so frustrating! I hope that your able to return the pressie and get something else. Best of luck!!!

ixoy

Be angry but not at him. Shout at someone else - maybe into the mirror if you must or bounce up and down angrily (not that I bounce...).

Personally, I can find hints irritating. It's not always that blokes don't get hints - it's more a case of "well why not come out and say what you want!" I can sense a hint a mile off generally and I don't think it's coy or clever generally (then I must be just a suspicious character).

As to your bloke... did he say anything in reaction to you going to the trouble you did? If he was appreciative of all, then you're really going to lose your sympathy with me. If nothing else, you know next time to ask him straight out. Lesson learnt hopefully, for the pair of ya.

puntosporting

Dropping hints is a load of bollox!
If your in a relationship with someone you should be comfortable enought to ask tell your partner what you would like for christmas it saves a whole lot of hassle,agro and frustration in finding a gift!

Trojan

(Update cos that post is now out of date)

It's unfortunate the way that worked out, and I see why you're disappointed. Try asking on one of the relevant boards here for suggestions if you're looking for something else.

Canaboid

ravenhead wrote:

he wouldn't have had a clue that I would get it for him.

ravenhead wrote:

he wouldn't have had a clue that I would get it for him.

ravenhead wrote:

he wouldn't have had a clue that I would get it for him.

ravenhead wrote:

he wouldn't have had a clue that I would get it for him.

You said it yourself, not his fault. Stop over-reacting.

WhiteWashMan

my missus is always telling me that im the hardest person to buy for becuase if i want something, i just go out and buy it.

its true, guys dont really do the hint thing.

just return the item, you should be able to get a full refund on it, and spend the money on something else nice. and dont worry that your bubble has been kinda burst. i know its great to surprise someone with a nice pressie and all that, but you can just tell him about it, and he will be impressed anyway

Oryx

Dr. Loon wrote:

Bóllox. If you think this, then Katie, you are the one without a clue.

Guess Im only working from my own experience so! Cool the pent up agression, eh?

pickarooney

ravenhead wrote:

but look at it from this point, say you had been out shopping with your g/f or had been having a converstation whatever it may be & she went on & on about how much she really wanted something & you then decided to surprise her with it & she came along & before you could give it to her bought it anyway ... would you not be a little p'd off by it?

So you keep banging on about something because you want it as a present and then you expect him to "surprise" you with it?

This does not compute. Can anyone shed a light on it?

Trojan

Picka: It's "female logic" (quotes required)

(tongue in cheek, before I get flamed)

scojones

Raven if i were you i'd be pretty annoyed, considering the cost of the present. I hope you can return it to the shop, or sell it on buyandsell or something.
Consider it a leasson learnt, never listen to your bf when it comes to christmas presents again (:

Oryx

Women like surprises. Men (in MY experience) dont care either way. Men are from Mars women are from Venus, its what keeps us all interested :rolleyes:

koneko

Yeah, the hints thing rarely works out well. When you're with someone ages, you just stop bothering with all that lark. Now we just make it simple. I want x, you want y.

/me potters off to tell bf what to buy her.

tinkerbell

I know with me & my bf, anything he had even mentioned he was thinking about getting, he said he wasn't gonna purchase til after Christmas, in case I had already gotten them for him as an xmas gift.

Lafortezza

Get him a €350 book token.

ionapaul

lafortezza wrote:

Get him a €350 book token.

That would be a great present...I want all the books in the world for Christmas!

ravenhead

Well up date on situation - spent my lunch break in at the shop where I was refused a refund & had to demand to speak to the manager cause the guy that i was dealing with was so rude & not a bit helpfull. Anyway by the end of it I got my money back but it took a lot of talking -- I mean if you don't do refunds - please put up a notice so people know this!! It's not too much to ask....this has just added to my frustration - but you're all right, It wasnt' his fault, I know that but like any other human being knowing something does stop me feeling annoyed. anyway thanks guys for listening & if you have any suggestions for a pressie for a guy that has just abotu everything please pass them on

Trojan

What was the 350e present? Or more details on the sports.... Can't give you [strike]hints[/strike]suggestions otherwise

pickarooney

KatieK wrote:

Women like surprises. Men (in MY experience) dont care either way. Men are from Mars women are from Venus, its what keeps us all interested :rolleyes:

SURPRISE! He bought it himself after she spent ages looking for it. She doesn't seem too thrilled with this one.

What you mean is women take pride in the fact that by not telling someone something straight out men still sometimes manage to understand what they want(or fluke it) And if they don't catch it, it's not because the hint was too vague, oh no...

Oryx

Suggestions? Hot air ballooning (E400 for two people) action weekend where you do abseiling rafting etc? Mondello driving school, MP3 player, concert ticket, diving course.

ravenhead

Trojan wrote:

What was the 350e present? Or more details on the sports.... Can't give you [strike]hints[/strike]suggestions otherwise

It was one of those motor caddie bags for golf .... he is after really taking it up seriously over the past couple of months, he's also big into rugby, but It was his birthday last weekend so I've alreay given him the new munster jersey & I've bought the waterproof fleece jacket thing for him already as one of his xmas presents along with a couple of cd's ... i'm really stumped...

Trojan

Get flights and hotel for Rome 4th-6th Feb, let him sort out a ticket for himself (or the 2 of you) if you're into rugby). Otherwise you can heading shopping in Rome during the game.

Italy v Ireland
Sun, 6 Feb - 14:30 Stadio Flamino
Rome, Italy

Oryx

pickarooney wrote:

SURPRISE! He bought it himself after she spent ages looking for it. She doesn't seem too thrilled with this one.

What you mean is women take pride in the fact that by not telling someone something straight out men still sometimes manage to understand what they want(or fluke it) And if they don't catch it, it's not because the hint was too vague, oh no...

I once got a hoover for Christmas :eek: Not all surprises are good. My hints no so subtle anymore...

pickarooney

KatieK wrote:

I once got a hoover for Christmas :eek: Not all surprises are good. My hints no so subtle anymore...

Jazis, commiserations on that!

Tickets to a international rugby match are notoriously hard to get (for Lansdowne at least), so he'd probably be well impressed with that if you somehow managed to get some for the 6 nations. A weekend away including a match is also a top-notch idea.

ravenhead

Trojan wrote:

Get flights and hotel for Rome 4th-6th Feb, let him sort out a ticket for himself (or the 2 of you) if you're into rugby). Otherwise you can heading shopping in Rome during the game.

Italy v Ireland
Sun, 6 Feb - 14:30 Stadio Flamino
Rome, Italy

Sorted - just booked his trip for the Harliquinns game in jan!! Thank god!! Don't know why I didn't think of it before - there's a group of them going together, so I rang the guy that's arranging it & told him that I was going to pay for my b/f as his xmas pressie .... Thanks a million Trojan!!

RuggieBear

ravenhead wrote:

Sorted - just booked his trip for the Harliquinns game in jan!! Thank god!! Don't know why I didn't think of it before - there's a group of them going together, so I rang the guy that's arranging it & told him that I was going to pay for my b/f as his xmas pressie .... Thanks a million Trojan!!

Nice one.....now that's a good present!!!

BaZmO*

ravenhead wrote:

any suggestions for a pressie for a guy that has just abotu everything

Penicillin??

Trojan

... my work here is done

Oryx

I love it when a story has a happy ending...

Kell

ravenhead wrote:

Any idea's on a last min pressie would really be appreciated ..

Lash out the same amount of money on the sexiest and tasteful underwear you can. Then "present" yourself to him on Christmas evening.

That would make my Christmas. Cant think of any males that wouldnt unless they're gay.

K-

vibrant

When I was reading the post, I thought it was going to be "..and then he broke up with me!", but no... sorry Ravenhead, but you seem to be over-reacting to the nth degree, as far as I can tell. He ruined your Christmas because he bought something he really wanted for himself?!

As for what to get him... whatever sport his gift was related to, why not buy him tickets to go and see a match or two? Or buy him a mini-ipod (similiar price range; and let's face it - now that he knows you've happily spent €350 on him, he might be feeling pressure to spend an equal amount on you!)

bizmark

Kell wrote:

Lash out the same amount of money on the sexiest and tasteful underwear you can. Then "present" yourself to him on Christmas evening.

That would make my Christmas. Cant think of any males that wouldnt unless they're gay.

K-

Something he can get any other day of the year not that special is it? In fact i would feel quite cheated if i got such a "present" after i put some though into a present for her tbh

And im not gay + im speaking in general not to the poster