Need to instill a strict parent regeime????????

Blinda

There is increasing concern among Child Health experts about the media shift in emphases, away from good practice 'Attachment Parenting' towards the domination & control :mad: quick fix approach, protrayed by 'SUPER NANNIES' :eek: as produced for TV programmes.
These type of quick fix's are linked with poor outcomes, such as eating disorders, self harming and aggression.
In situations where babies resist this type of regeime, the result is it can impact badly on parents suffering PND (postnatel depression.

Nevyn

kids need routine the also need to feel secure that mammy and daddy love them no matter what. you can not like want the child has done you can be angry, hurt and disapointed with thier actions and choices but never with them personally.

They are kids and it is all one huge learning process.
yes give out and but always explain why yes when they are old enough set in place a system of good behaviour = rewards which will reenforce postive behaviour but you have to ready to deal with the day the six year decides
not to do his home work or eat his dinner or tidy his toys away.

These are his choices and the start of a child againing independace which is what we want right? We want to rear them so that they can live thier own lives and it is best they they starting learning about the consequences of thier action at home in a safe way.

dont do your home work = no TV time
dont eat your dinner = no desert or after dinner treat or snack
dont put the toys away = no computer time

if the six year old makes those choices then he has to deal with what happens and you have to be firm about reinforcing it.
But he may then later change his mind and you get the whole " Mam maybe that wasnt a good idea " speach from him and he has learned a few things
one of those is that you mean what you say.

There are parents out there that are afraid to say No and mean it,
to be strict and frim with thier children at all thinking that doing so ruins their relationship with the child and makes them a bad parent.
you have to be strict and loving and firm in both of those with your children.

" I still love you but i dont like that you ......" good statement and you can sort out a punishment or a chore and give them a hug.
the old chore of writing lines has made a come back in this household.
they need the practice and it is a good teaching tool as long as what you want them to do is not long, is positive message and once it is done you congratulate them.

We teach them thier first steps so that some day they will walk away and makes lives of thier own and every lesson and skill we teach them is to prepare for when that happens.

RicardoSmith

At this stage I have to be a bit dubious about "experts". They tend to change their mind on a regular basis. Experts also tend to scare monger wildly in order to justify their theories or to suit their own agenda's.

From what I've seen and read most control techniques tend to alleviate extreme behaviour, not exerbate it. Thats what they are designed to do.

The Supper Nannies TV shows tend to be in extreme situations where radical and quick changes are "better TV". So you have to bear that in mind. The techniques seem to be very traditional and simply common sense. They just seem more extreme when taken in isolation on the TV.

C Fodder

My 2 cents

Quick fixes only work when involving superglue and whatever the little darlings have broken this time.

Parents need to be strict like a sargent major, a complete pushover, a shoulder to cry on, an ogre, have the patience of a saint and take instant control oh; and let them get on with whatever they are doing all at the one time. Values have to be instilled also love, tenderness, fair play, independence etc..
If i realised all this in time, I would still be single and working at the ends of the earth where there would be zero chance of becoming a parent

Aargh, three in house complaining with teethaches / teething ............

gubby

My granddaughter, who is only 3 and a half and had to cope with her parents brake up (even at this young age I am sure it effect them) She and her mom live with us and I cant remember how I hadled bad behavour with mine. of course I didnt have to cos they were all pure angels..
So what do ye think.
say for example.. the other evening.. my son walked into the room and asked her did she like his new shirt.. she just looked at it and said "its yukkie" this is only an example mind you.. she can be really mean and unkind to some members of the family.
should she be chastised (when we do she just gets worse)
or ignore it.. her mom does not really want her to think she can get away with being mean and unkind to people for no reason.
any ideas... disipline ?? or not?

ferdi

my parents favoured the "spare the rod and spoil the child" approach and i turned out preety ok....

RicardoSmith

ferdi wrote:

my parents favoured the "spare the rod and spoil the child" approach and i turned out preety ok....

How does spoiling a child work then?

gubby - dunno. I guess you keep telling her why its not nice? Then again maybe it wasn't a nice shirt and maybe you should dicuss why she thinks it not nice.

Nevyn

If your grand daughter is living with you then she has to abide by rules.

It can be hard with several generations in the one house, your daughter is back
in the house where you were the one in charge and it can be hard for her to be an adult and the mammy in charge of her daughter and her behaviour.
I've been there when We had to move in with my own mother when we were buying our house.
it must even harder on you daughter with her tryin to cope with the breakup and having to move back home.

If you want help / guidance on againing new parenting skills for you and your daughter ( for you have to be singing off the same hymn sheet when dealing with your granddaughter) I suggest getting intouch with your local health/child/baby nurse. They have a lot of contacts and information about
playgroups , support groups and parenting coruses that are in your area.

and as for your concerns about how your grand daughter is coping the baby nurse would also have information on family couselling in your area. It may be worth th epeace of mind to have your grandchild assesed even if they say that she is adjusting and her behaviour is with normal.
Your GP may also help with this and in most cases can get you a referal to make an appointment.

Sometimes kids just want someone to talk to, so that they can talk to about thier dad/ mammy's partner who is gone and hat has happened and they often feel they cant talk to mammy or family cos the subject is upsetting or taboo.

Kids usually cope well with change ( eventually) but a new home enviroment does mean new rules but if our kids were totally perfect I doubt we would love then as much.