Stuck in a rut.

LegacyUser

Basically I seem to have fallen into an awful rut in the last year since my return from my travels of 6 months. I returned to Ireland with intentions of trying new things and basically making the most out of life. I joined a rugby club even though I'd never played before or didnt know anyone at the club. I also joined the local Junior Chamber of Commerce. I left both with a month.
I currently go to the gym 3 times a week and play indoor soccer twice a week. My weekends are spent in my house (where I live on my own) or at my parents house. At 27 years of age I feel like life is slipping me by. I am outgoing ( although need encouragement at times), am fit, good looking willing to try new things and am financially well off. There is so many things out there I'd like to try. Since my return from my travels my friends have carved out new lives( life does go on afterall) for themselves and exclude me as I'm the only single person in our group. On the outside it seems as if everything is fine however last week I broke down in front of my mother. My parents are loving, encouraging and thoughtful and for them to see their 27 yr old son like this is heartbreaking. I would be described as being a bit shy however once I get to know someone I relax and the shyness just evaporates. I just want to make the most out of life and not have any regrets. Any advice?

LegacyUser

Welcome to the 21st century!

Seriously, these days there is so much choice etc in a person's life its hard to know what to do. Ok reading over what I said there doesnt make sense to me either.

I guess what I am trying to say is that everyone is looking to make sense of things i.e life and what to do with it - be it travel, work, gf, bf, whatever.

Some people mosey on and do what ever, some people will sit and think about it.

Some people seem to have an easy ride than others. but fear not, its because youre not seeing their bigger picture and not living in their shoes. Its easy to compare your life to someone when you are not in their shoes and all can seem rosey and nice for them but its not.

You seem to feel like an "outsider" to everything. Again this is social (21st Century), not you as a person.

Take it easy on yourself. We all have times we wish we could be/do something different. Dont put so much pressure on yourself.

I always think of this saying when things get tough "the only pressure on me is the pressue I put on myself"

BolBill

Trying hanging out with the Indoor football crowd. If youre single, get some single mates, not easy I know, but try.
Your parents sound great so talk everything out with them, thats what theyre there for

Nasty_Girl

I think you seem to expect too much because all of your friends are at a certain point of life and you feel you are wrong because you haven't done what they have.
You need to discover what it is that you want from life (It doesn't have to be what everyone else is doing!) and work on that.
Take it one day at a time.

WhiteWashMan

Helpwanted wrote:

Basically I seem to have fallen into an awful rut in the last year since my return from my travels of 6 months. I returned to Ireland with intentions of trying new things and basically making the most out of life. I joined a rugby club even though I'd never played before or didnt know anyone at the club. I also joined the local Junior Chamber of Commerce. I left both with a month.
I currently go to the gym 3 times a week and play indoor soccer twice a week. My weekends are spent in my house (where I live on my own) or at my parents house. At 27 years of age I feel like life is slipping me by. I am outgoing ( although need encouragement at times), am fit, good looking willing to try new things and am financially well off. There is so many things out there I'd like to try. Since my return from my travels my friends have carved out new lives( life does go on afterall) for themselves and exclude me as I'm the only single person in our group. On the outside it seems as if everything is fine however last week I broke down in front of my mother. My parents are loving, encouraging and thoughtful and for them to see their 27 yr old son like this is heartbreaking. I would be described as being a bit shy however once I get to know someone I relax and the shyness just evaporates. I just want to make the most out of life and not have any regrets. Any advice?

do you know what you want?

Beruthiel

Helpwanted wrote:

I just want to make the most out of life and not have any regrets. Any advice?

do you know what it is you want to do in order to get this?

I know for example that anytime I come back from a 2/3 weeks foreign holiday I am really depressed for the first week back at work. Having such a good time on holiday, seeing new things and other ways of life leaves you with a taste of wanting more, it can be difficult to settle back into the hum drum that is normal life..
I can’t imagine how depressing it must be to come back after 6 months of total fun, you want to keep that buzz going and now that you are back home you don’t know how to continue it. In fact, I’m not sure you can tbh.

Maybe you either have to try and settle back into things (though that doesn't seem to be working so far)
or do something drastic like move to another country and start a life there.
Do you think you've got the travel bug?

garthv

you need a woman(or man,whatever the case maybe)

Trojan

hah, I'm talking to a mirror. All my friends are dropping like flies. Find something that engages your mind as well as your body (Masters?), you sound like you need something like that.

LegacyUser

WhiteWashMan wrote:

do you know what you want?

Unfortunately not and i think thats part of the problem. I know I dont want to settle with any girl just yet. The worst thing is being stuck on my own on weekends....sad as it may seem I find weekends depressing. While I had good times on my travels I'm not dissappointed about being back in Ireland. It seems that most of the people I know on a social level are a good deal older than me or very much settled. Thanks for all of your opinions....they all help.

Beruthiel

time to join us in the Boards Events section me thinks

we meet up now and again for a pissup - they are always great fun!

pickarooney

I know I dont want to settle with any girl just yet. The worst thing is being stuck on my own on weekends

At least you know that much and are not stuck in a relationship just for the sake of it. What about bringing home a different hot chick every weekend?

SpabSFW

I'd be inclined to think that you might be in a transitional stage and working out moving to a new phase.

It sounds like you have so much you could be content with... financial security, wonderful family, friends, and a life filled with interesting activity. But it's my opinion that while those things certainly help, they are no guarantee of happiness. Often people find themselves happier when they are giving to others, or bonded to others in a meaningful way. I believe happiness is inseparable from our relationships with others, primarily.

You might try volunteering for a crisis line or something in that line, instead of another sporting activity. Sometimes the best way to make yourself happy is to give to others which seems ironic, but actually builds a feeling of pride, accomplishment, usefulness and so forth in yourself.

As to personal relationships, all I can say is that you get out of them what you are willing to invest emotionally into them. You can't expect to have a woman invest back in you by saving her time for you when you know you have nothing to offer in the long run. You might find someone of like mind who wants to casually date with no strings, but I doubt that would really help anymore than your sporting activity attempts with your current state of mind.

It sounds like you miss the special bond with one person that adds immeasurably to joy in life. Perhaps you are more on the verge of wanting to settle down than you think.