Girlfriend Rape

LegacyUser

About 3 years ago my girlfriend got raped,i wasnt with her at the was friends with her,She told me last year and i cant stop thinkin about it,She just said she was walkin home one night and it happened she went home told no one.It wrecking my head.?

Beruthiel

In what regards? (apart from the obvious of course)

are you thinking she should be going to the cops? does she want to?

MistressPandora

It's something that's gonna affect her greatly, you'll have to be very supportive. Maybe suggest counselling? It's a long hard road, but it could help a lot...

BaZmO*

What about ringing the Rape Crisis Centre and asking them for some advice about what to do or to just talk to them about how you're feeling? In cases like this there are quite often mor than just one victim.

B.

vannygirl

You didnt mention whether or not you expressed this to your gf - have you talked to her about how you feel?

ven0m

Mate - I know exactly how you feel (been there). You need to talk to her & tell her how you feel, otherwise it's gonna **** you up. Is she seeing a counsellor or anyone about it? If she isn't, she should be - as this is something she has to deal with (but in HER own time!). Not talking about it is not going to do either of you any good.

Bazmo* wrote:

What about ringing the Rape Crisis Centre and asking them for some advice about what to do or to just talk to them about how you're feeling? In cases like this there are quite often mor than just one victim.

Good solid advice - give them a buzz...


::: ven0mous :::

Victor

This is coming out wrong, but are you over-reacting to this. Is it possible that she's happy that it's in her past and it's staying there?

Yes, traumatic events do stay with us for a long time and the healing process can be hard, but eventually we do move on.

Are you obsessing that your manliness is tarnished by events before you even knew her?

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

This is coming out wrong, but are you over-reacting to this. Is it possible that she's happy that it's in her past and it's staying there?

Yes, traumatic events do stay with us for a long time and the healing process can be hard, but eventually we do move on.

Are you obsessing that your manliness is tarnished by events before you even knew her?

That is what I am thinking.

Nuttzz

Victor wrote:

This is coming out wrong, but are you over-reacting to this. Is it possible that she's happy that it's in her past and it's staying there?

Back in '93 I thought the same about it when my former gf told me what happened to her, she told me she was over it and didnt need counselling etc, she would get depressed from time to time but who doesnt. Everyone thought she coped well with the ordeal, she's dead 10 years now...

Sleepy

Woah, that's harsh man... sorry to hear that nuttzz

pretty-in-pink

Just be there for her, don't make her get councelling etc, its a scary step. ITs a hrd place to be, she might be ok, she might not, if she has only told you and no-one else then expect lots of tears, anger, fear etc as she is just starting to deal wit hit all.

Best of luck, and sorry to hear about all the other cases. Its a horrible world and still they walk free. Eh.................it willl all balance in the great big debit book in the sky eventually.

LegacyUser

Ok going private for this but i am a regular poster.

All you can do is be there for her. Although it is hard, being angry with the rapist is giving him more power over you both. You cannot undo the past no matter how much you wish you could click your fingers. No matter how hard it is on you, you can multiply it by 100 and it would be nowhere near how your partner feels.

I was physically and sexually attacked a few months ago. At first i blocked it out. Then i started getting angry. Wanted to go to police but i had left it too long for any evidence to be there regarding internal exams and the cuts and bruising. I was also afraid of his word against mine. I was afraid of devastating my family. We all deal with it in different ways. I sought councelling by myself because i had previously been for another issue and i reached a point where i was planning different ways to end my life. Something i had tried also when i was 15. I knew then he had too much control over me without him even knowing. I went to many different councellors until i found someone i could really open up to. My next step was the doctor and to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases which was very traumatic as i didn't want any strangers "down dere". the bottom line is your partner will have her own way of dealing with this. I felt ashamed and dirty and blamed myself. If i had told someone in my family or a partner about it and felt them getting angry i would have took it personally, still would. I still don't have it in my to open up to those close to me for fear of them being hurt or treating me differently.

You need to get over it. I'm sorry if that sounds harsh and it is not meant to come out in a harsh way. Your girlfriend im sure doesn't want you hurt and angry. That's of no benefit what-so-ever to her. That will not help the situation. If she wants to talk, listen, give her a hug, tell her it will be ok that you're there for her. But don't be negative about any aspect of it. Her and her feelings are what counts. Your anger (if that's whats wrecking your head) towards this "man" is not going to help either of you.