Im seriously ****ed up!!

mind_problems

Hello I am a 22 year old student in my final year off college and I have got some serious problems inside my head. Im using the Gay section of boards.ie to write about it as it does fit into this category and also after viewing some of the other threads I have noticed that some intellectual people actually tend to write in this.

When I was younger there was a lot of physical abuse in my family mainly aimed towards me from my parent(s), beating etc. I have since dealt with that and let it go because I know there is no point in going through life with a chip on your shoulder and a bad attitude to everything.

However when it comes to women this is when the real problems start. I unfortunately am one of those people cursed with a small penis say 5 inches. Im not trying to sound big headed please don’t say I am because im just trying to explain my dilemma but im a good looking fella (you just know) have no problem pulling good looking women BUT am terrified to bring them home with me for fear of making an idiot of myself with this cursed tiny dick of mine.

I know people say that any girl who would break up with a fella over something like this is really shallow etc so I convinced myself of that a few months ago and brought this girl back to my digs. We started shagging or whatever but then these thoughts started coming into my head that I was not really giving her much pleasure and almost immediately I felt myself starting to go soft (not a good thing when size is already a problem lol).

Last night then at a Christmas bash I went back to my digs to find a girl waiting almost naked in my bed for me. Every mans dream but I know her from college and i had to make up some stupid excuse about drinking too much and that I will make it up to her and managed to get away without her finding out anything (Phew!!!) Unfortunately she has taken my promise to heart and god only knows how I am going to avoid her for the next few days

Otherwise the only girls I have slept with are complete strangers who have no way of knowing me so no stories can get back. I still meet girls in the pub and love doing it but im trying to avoid sex for the moment.

Since this has been a problem for me I have started to have gay sexual fantasies when I masturbate, always me in a submissive role with maybe some light abuse thrown in. The thought of playing a submissive role to a dominant woman also really appeals to me.

I have thought about having gay sex and I think I want to but then I think I don’t. However when I think of this it is ALWAYS me in the submissive role, the thought of shagging or receiving oral from a man does not turn me on in the slightest nor would the thought of kissing or hugging a man. Basically the thought of being the one receiving the abuse is what I want.

Further complications arise then because to be honest I would not like to be gay. I love women, i I love kissing, cuddling, doing stuff with a girl. Also girls tend to get very attached to me very easily and very quickly and then I break their heart by dumping them very early in the relationship (before we sleep together).

I have got nothing against gays, in fact I know a couple of them and they are sound guys. Im in touch with my feminine side myself and always take a lot of care to look good especially if im with a girl. As a result of being a 'new man' and able to talk about things usually my girlfriend and I become best friends as well as lovers and I would make a fine boyfriend if it wasn’t for this thing hanging over me the whole time. A couple of girls that I have stayed with have never mentioned anything about my size and seem more than happy to have sex and do all the other boyfriend/girlfriend thing but then I get paranoid and split.

I have being doing some research onto the net into kinky sex behaviour and nature and several sites have pointed out that people who usually enter a BDSM lifestyle do so because they can not have sex properly or some similar problem, so my plan is to finish the last few months of college, get a job and get me one of those Penis Enlargement operations. This might sound ridiculous to some people out there but this is seriously a big issue for me. There is not a day goes by that I don’t think of it. Even if a girl didn’t mind my size I still would because id like to be able to make my woman happy because that in turn would make me happy. Im not selfish or anything and even though a lot of people might think im just a guy who uses women Im not. Id be very loyal in a relationship completely honest about everything and would never cheat.

What im wondering off the members of boards is, Am I actually gay? Am I gay but am in denial? I want a wife and kids someday but will this ever happen for me? Will this operation put everything right or am I just putting high hopes on the whole thing? If anyone could offer me some good advice id love to hear it.

My mind is constantly in turmoil over this although I would never show it or anything but it is all the same. I apologise profusely if this has in any way offended any gays but it was definitely not my intention to do so. I hope I haven’t bored you all to death with this long and please God I might get some answers.

Sound!

pwd

that's not all that small. I've heard girls make fun of dudes with small dicks but only when they were a good bit smaller than yourself. Girth is more important I think.
Don't go off with strangers. They are more likely to be loose in more way than one! Girls are different sizes down there too. You can fit your hole hand into some of them, two fingers is too much for others. (I've heard that Asian women are particularly small down there)
Most importantly though is the fact you have hands and a tongue, and they have clits. Suck, lick, finger. It sounds like you may have trouble becoming aroused because you are so self-conscious about this. It is more likely to be your lack of confidence that causes any negative response than your physical endowment. Looking at a girl while eating her pussy is incredibly erotic, and would be suitable for the submissive role you see yourself in. having the girl on top during sex is also good. There is nothing weird about wanting to take a submissive role. It only becomes weird if your own preconceptions about this make you think it implies something it doesn't, or if it is taken to extremes.
I would really advise you not to get surgery! Maybe if you were 2-3 inches ok (and i have heard about people who are, and who did have gfs)
I don;t really understand how you think having a small dick makes you gay or kinky. From what I've heard a large penis is more important to gay men than to women, and that gay men actually have slightly larger penises on average (something to do with fluctuating hormone levels.))
The abuse you suffered as a child would be what makes you a bit confused about sex. A lot of people your age are confused inside because of **** that happens them when they're little. Most of them either grow out of it or come to terms with it. The night stands won't help either. Finding a woman you can trust will. An completely honest loving relationship will sort out your head, one way or the other.

edit: I don't want to feel the need to say this, but unfortunately I do: I am straight and have a larger than average sized penis. Sorry :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

pwd has given you some very good pointers imo

first off, 5 inches is not particularly small at all and I don't believe you have to go off to get it enlarged! are you aware that a very high percentage of woman do not even come through penetration but through other ways. I suggest to you that you start working on your oral skills, I think I speak for most women here when I say the more foreplay the better.
Might I also suggest that when you are next having sex just make the girl come through oral pleasure and get her to give you a hand job! Do that for quite some months, build up your confidence in bed and then when you find an understanding girlfriend who will take things slow with you, give it a go again, but do not put pressure on yourself
I cannot answer you with regards to being gay, perhaps you are just over thinking things and putting extra pressure on yourself? I don’t have the experience to give an opinionated view
I do know one thing for sure though, you have built this molehill into a mountain, there is nothing wrong with you
Seriously, relax, work on your oral skills and enjoy yourself!

Stark

5 inches is not particularly small. Just because you have occasional fantasies about an occasional "gay" act, in your case receiving anal sex, does not mean you are gay. Being gay/bisexual involves actually fancying guys every now and again. You are probably very much straight just incredibly self-concious. Don't worry about the penis thing, get some counselling or something if you can't put it out of your mind. Girls will appreciate so much more about you that the size of your penis (which like has been said here is not particularly small). Believe me, the last quality I look for in a guy is the size of his tackle.

DublinWriter

Ok dude.

First off relax. An ex of mine told me that an ex of her's had a penis that was only one inch in length *when fully erect*. I kid you not. The trouble was that he didn't realise that it was small and would proudly display it in front of her in private.

The average erection size is 6 inches according to Masters and Johnson's legendary research, so you have nothing to be ashamed of on that front.

You are what you are. As long as it's consensual and no-one get's unwillingly hurt then go for it. Explore what you are. You might be gay, you might be bi, it's your journey and only you can decide what you are.

I'm sorry to act the amateur-shrink here, but I think your problems might stem from your parents abusing you mentally rather than physically when young, i.e. making you feel inadequate, stupid, etc.

You might be seeking the same 'norms' in adult life to remind you of basic securities you had when you were a child.

But I will warn you that it's easy to play the blame game as far as parental influence is concerned.

swiss

From what I've heard I very much doubt that you could categorise yourself as 'gay'. I suspect that the problems you have been experiencing with women has led you to branch out your sexual fantasies to include other guys, perhaps because you have the idea that it is more normal for a guy to be submissive in a gay relationship.

I find the idea of abuse in any relationship unsettling. The fact that you have been thinking about it, coupled with your childhood experiences leads me to believe that there is a causal relationship between the trauma in your youth and your desire for trauma in a sexual context. This may not be the case of course, but I think it's more than a coincidence that you want to avoid any BDSM experience that has you in a dominating position.

Nearly everyone else has said it, but I'm going to repeat it. 5 inches is not small, and size doesn't matter. This isn't just lip service (forgive the pun), like Stark, a guys penis size is well down on my list of priorities. However, you've made such a big deal out of it in your own mind that it mentally becomes akin to a crippling disability. In other words, it is a big deal only because you believe it to be a big deal.

The obvious solution is to stop making such a big deal of it. Yes, I know this can very hard to do in practice. One of my favorite Shakespearian quotes is "for there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so". Nail, head. Find a woman you trust, and I 'm certain she would tell you the same thing.

kleefarr

However when it comes to women this is when the real problems start. I unfortunately am one of those people cursed with a small penis say 5 inches.[/qoute]

To echo what other people have said....

You could be a lot worse off than having a five inch penis! How do you know it's five inches? Been playing with the ruler again?

Look, don't believe what you see in mags and pics or what people tell you. There are plenty of people about with dicks smaller than that. In fact, having a big penis doesn't make you any more of man. It's a shame that a lot of blokes think that having a large plonker makes them the mutts nuts. The fact of the matter is...... you could have no penis at all and still be the man. It's all about attidude. Have the right attitude and no one will care, especially you.

Stop worrying what other people think (without causing harm), think about yourself. I'm sure there are many people that love you... that's really all that matters.

Have you ever thought to yourself.... There are women out there that think they are inadaquate because they have small breasts?

Think to yourself.. there are guys out there that only have a four inch or a three inch. THERE ARE.

I suppose what I'm really trying to say is........


DON'T WORRY ABOUT. It's not the end of the world. You'll find loads of girls that will be very happy with you and LOVE you FOR WHO YOU ARE.


Sorry for the rant.


(And you better not be pulling our legs!)


EDIT: Just noticed your tag! Are you playing?
Never mind. I've had a few jars, so will probably forget about it tomorrow. :rolleyes:

elivsvonchiaing

Just let me guess here...

In gym class my owld lad used to shrivel up in showers and there were some folks hung like donkeys or looked like that (no comment ) I got slagged by some and it took me years to overcome it.

Regress, think back why you have a problem here... It's mainly in your head mate! Though there are some bitches out there who would use your own hang-up against you!

Don't believe anyone is straight or gay. Just believe we have a psycho-sexual cortex in our brains that leads us in a specific or both directions. The rest is experience. Imho!

I don't think your "gay" from what you've said. If you have failed to disclose anything because you're too horrified - wake up - (sigh) maybe get outta town if its a particularly small one - this is Ireland 2000 - I really think things have improved tbh! (Hope I'm not being to ignorant of the facts here!)

My opinion is that it is school - bastards in showers - related. Think about it!

Get your head around women's heads and not have hang-up is best solution. Read Cosmo etc. in Doctors/Dentists. Even buy it if you have no health/dental problems tbh. Also, Interpret what you read there... This won't get you into local women's thinking - but its a pointer...

darkened_corner

I don't think there's much - if anything - I can contribute that hasn't already been said. But here goes.

Firstly, to reinforce - five inches ISN'T small. It's more than enough to play with - so to speak

Secondly, also to reinforce - the size of your tackle is far from important enough to illicit this much stress and worry. Myself, it's also far down the list of priorities.

I think it was Stark who mentioned counselling - I would seriously recommend that or some kind of therapy, if itis worrying you this much. Anyways, everyone should go to counselling at least once during their adult lifetime, even if just to make certain there's nothing wrong with them

Anyone even remotely worth going out with will like you for you - not your willy. Don't let this stress you out so badly, because IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

K?

Victor

While being able to put you thoughts down here and express them is good, you might like to talk to a GP or counsellor. You have thoughts that you aren't happy with and talking them out might help.

I imagine everyone has fantasies that sometimes stray from their own version of "normal", even to the point of being "intrusive thoughts" (where the fantasy strays so far, that you are repulsed by them and reject them).

mind_problems wrote:

I unfortunately am one of those people cursed with a small penis say 5 inches.

Mine is only 5.75 inches, it doesn't bother me. In any case the vagina in a relaxed state is much smaller than that.

Girth is more important I think.

Indeed, I've found "loose" women aren't as good for friction.

damien

Ok Mr mind_problems.

Firstly, well done for addressing your issues. You've made a good start and you're nearly there with sorting all of this out. You seem to have figured out the main areas that are bothering you and possibly where they stem from. A lot of people never get this far and become very lost. Be glad with where you are and know you are progressing.

Most people have tackled the penis size issue and I don't think I can add more to this, except that if you think the enlargement procedure is going to make you happier and more confident, then do it. People go to the gym to change and alter their physical appearance and that makes them more confident, and while the procedure you want to get is a step further than that it still has the same goal in the end. But just know that it might not make you happier and you need to deal with it.

Moving on. Are you gay ? Nah, wouldn't think so. Just because you have a fantasy about being fcked by a guy or like being fcked by a guy doesn't make you gay. Same way that if you don't like being fcked by a guy doesn't mean you are staight. Being sexually attracted to a guy makes you gay, and generally the physical expression of this attraction is kissing/cuddling/sex but sexuality itself is in the brain.

I'd recommend talking to a professional about this. Counselling is good and a large portion of the population has benefited from it. There is a social need for counselling but many people still seem to class it as taboo. It's not. I've had friends who have hugely benefited from counselling and I think you could too. Talk to you GP and ask him/her to give you a list of people. The GP doesn't need to know your reasons for wanting to see one and won't ask for specifics generally.

Finallly, to re-iterate, you are doing well, be positive and worry less.

Zillah

Pretty much all of it has been said in a dozen supportive ways, so I'll be brief.



You say you've come to terms with what happened to you as a child? Are you sure? Now it's just my pop psychology opinion, but I'd say that your fantasies about being with men are your mind's attempts to deal with those unresolved issues.

Men are as a whole more dominant than women (of course there are many exceptions) and imagining yourself being submissive (the subject of abuse, you implied) to a man could be a reinactment of the sensations of being owned/inferior that you felt when younger.

The fact that it gets you off during masturbation is inconsequential. A person's sexuality is incredibly central to their psychology whether they realise it or not. Human sexuality is a medium through which we judge ourselves, our worth and our position in life. The arousal this fantasy brings might be nothing more than an affirmation of what your subconcious thinks is correct.

To rap up, I'd strongly reccomend counselling or therapy long before surgery. As said before, therapy can be great for any person, regardless of how well balanced they might be. For someone in your case, it could be invaluable. If not, then at least keep thinking about why you feel certain things, always watch your owns thoughts and don't leap to conclusions.

Ha! And I said I'd be brief...

best of luck

Hmm_Messiah

yes you are mostly gay !



I don't mean that to be true (how would any one here know?) but I wondered about you're initial response to som one confiring the "fear"

you seem to have over tought some things, and i know thinking is meant to be good, but some mechanisms of human life are just to delicate and too complex for that level of analysis, the humanity of the situation is removed.

So I wondered about your initial response to some one else thinking you're gay, was there some sense of relief, of confirmaton, or a sense of concern, or reactin agains the idea etc

other wise i agree with most of what others have said. You were brave to detail a worry, brave to seek some help.

you're concern about size confuses me, i am surprised some one with the given measurements would feel so inadequate

i wondered if this was even not an entirely honest post except for the effort put in

therapy seems aq good idea, but if thats a scary thought , really all u need is to have this as a conversation. written replies are limited as there is not the opportunity to clarify or broaden, or follow thoughts further

you're feelings seem to be mostly fear of something that might never happen, of mockery , rathr than actually feeling in adequate
i wonder did ur family's treatment of u also include a great deal of mockery etc

other than that , some of ur expressed desires are unlikelt to be real core sexual feelings, but a role ur head ecognises as comforable or familiar from ur past.


fantasies about being submissive sound like extensions of how u feel in real expereiences, - lesser, not in control, ready to submit to feeling less.

one final point, regarding some idea u'd not wish to be gay, as in loving women, love kissing them etc, in that one regard i can empathise most with you, i had very full very real very complete and very sexual and loving rships with women. BUt behind, beneath or beyond that were other thoughts and feelings. whcih i have managed to fulfill oo now with men. NOt to say i am bisexual (whole other argument) i preesently would not even consider an intimate sexual hetero rship, but i had them, and they were great, so its poossible to we ...to be many things. and i felt the regret, wanting to be a father and husband etc.
all i can say those wishes, andh opes are some times fulfilled in a different guise .

your concerns are really and significant. but don't allow tem to affect your health in any sense, or your place in this world....as whatever u are or become u are a vauable person, one worthy of love and affection, and though it might be difficult to believe it, all that is attainable

there is no need to lengthen ur dick, maybe work instead on broading how u value urself,

all these people who don't know u have taken time to help you
imagine then what others can do, professionally, or friends

qwertyphobia

as for are you gay/bi or not. it's not easy but try and not to over analysis things to much you are what you are don't make any big decision anytime soon on that matter just do what you want to do and over time with out putting yourself under any pressure you will find out for yourself.

on the other matter about penis size, The whole kinsey report that has been metioned along with most surveys involved guys either measuing themselves or marking themselves on a postcard to measure what size they where. Obviously they was always going to be an error in that sample (more of a mesurement of ego then penis size)

But recently condom manufacturing companies, who have good reason to acuratly know the size have been doing real supervised measurements which have shown extactly how much guys had been lying.

So the realy avergae lenght is 54% of subjects measured between 5.5 inches and 6.3 inches in erect length. So if you are 5 inches you are haft an inch below that. Get a ruler out thats about the width of a finger.

During sex with all the moving about and what not that is going to be inpossible to tell the difference. Good sex doesn't come from a 1/2 inch it comes from being an intentive and imagitive lover.

You don't need some surgey that could leave you with no feeling down there



cut and paste of some of the reserch below


In an attempt to obtain far more accurate and 'unbiased' measurement data, Lifestyles Condoms recently conducted their own survey during Spring 2001 in Cancun, Mexico using a far more strict measurement methodology.
A total of 301 subjects, over the age of 18 were measured, one at a time, by qualified medical staff. Most of the sample consisted of U.S. College students although participation was not limited to this group. To ensure accuracy, measurements of erect size were taken by two out of a team of four nurses supervised at all times by a doctor. As with the above studies, erect penile length was measured along the top of the penis from the pubic area to the tip of the glans whilst erect circumference measurements were taken from around the middle of the penile shaft.

The results of the Lifestyles study indicated that average penis size was less than previously assumed and determined that erect length averaged 5.877 inches with a standard deviation of 0.825 inches whilst erect girth averaged 4.972 inches with a standard deviation of 0.508 inches. Furthermore, according to the survey, 54% of subjects measured between 5.5 inches and 6.3 inches in erect length with 53.33% measuring between 4.725 inches and 5.118 inches in circumference.

It would appear that subjects do indeed exaggerate measurements when permitted to measure themselves and this therefore, throws into doubt the results of any survey based on self-measurement data. Other studies into penile size that used strict measurement methods have also suggested that average erect penis length is less than the 6.2 - 6.4 inches often concluded by studies relying on self-measurement procedures.

Similar results to those achieved by the Lifestyles study were recently reported by a Brazilian urologist who accurately measured 150 subjects and determined average erect length to be 5.7 inches and average circumference to be 4.7 inches.

In conclusion, considering all the above data, it would seem fair to suggest that the 'average' erect penis measures between 5.5 and 6.5 inches in length and between 4.5 and 5.5 inches in circumference. It would appear that well over 50% of men in any given population fall within these figures.

fozzle

First off, as everyone here has said, 5inches is not as small as you think - it's plenty big enough. "It's not the size that counts, it's what you do with it", ever heard that one? It's quite true, as long as you have plenty of foreplay you're never going to have a problem pleasing a woman. And as Ber said, quite a high proportion of women don't climax from penetrative sex anyway, so any problem there is unlikely to be caused by you.

Stay away from casual sex - it's really bad for your self esteem, and your increasing the chances of catching something nasty.

I think Bers suggestion is a great one - next time you're in a relationship with a girl don't feel you have to have sex - experiment with your hands and tongue, there's a whole lot of enjoyment to be got from them, without ever needing to have sex. And once you're confident you can try it, and there'll be no need to worry about what she thinks of your penis, since she'll already know what you've got. Tbh, I'd be seriously shocked if any girl complained, you're plenty big enough, and as long as you spend a bit of time on each other instead of going straight in for the big prize you'll be grand.

Reflector

Hey,
yeah everyone here has given good advice. personally size is important but not as important as a list of other things. Sense of humour, honesty, confidence....need I go on. When I was younger I thought penis size was very important but with a bit of experience I discovered that it really doesn't matter at the end of the day. I would much rather sleep with someone who I loved than a giant cock.
I don't think your gay but our sexuality develops as we mature and maybe your experience of abuse at the hands of people who you love may have led you to want to be dominated by a man. Explore it if you want and don't feel guilty about it.

mind_problems

Hi i just thought id finish up this thread and let you all know what happened since i first posted.

Well basically i met up with a man last night after debating on it for some time. I nearly didnt show up but i convinced myself that it would answer some questions and it certainly did. We started off with some light kind of stuff and after about 30 seconds i realised this was seriously not for me so i made my excuses and got the hell out of there.

My mind is totally relieved today and i have to say im over the moon to find out that im not actually gay (no offense) but im really glad im not. I feel like a weights gone off me and im not having those thoughts anymore.

Anyway just thought id let the people who tried to help me out know what happened. Cheers!

Beruthiel

best of luck
a