Help she's obsessed

LegacyUser

Hello,
There is a girl in college I used to be friends with for a few years. When I started getting attention from a lad or two she suddenly turned against me and several of my friends said she became very jealous. Apparently the only thing she ever talked about was me, and she by all accounts she just had it in for me. There is a lot of mental illness (severe bipolar disorder) in her family and we had our suspicions that she was also slightly mentally ill, as she was always so bitter and twisted towards so many people. She also seemed to think that the world owed her something, and immediately hated any girl that had anything she didn't. She was unable to look at magazines because she was so jealous of the people in them. My friend (a close friend of this girl's) said the reason she hated me was because she was extremely jealous of me as I had everything she didn't-happy family life, lack of weight issues, good outlook on life, attention from men etc. Eventually I ended the friendship because this girl was just getting too much and ruining every time we all got together, as she was constantly jumping down my throat.

Anyway, that was quite some time ago and the girl is still at it. She has made friends with several of my new friends and I have overheard her bitching about me with them. When I started going out with my boyfriend she kept staring over and looking away when I looked in her direction. She makes no secret of the fact that she hates me and seems to be dead set on trying to turn everyone against me. What should I do? I'm terrified she's going to ruin everything on me. I have put her well and truly behind me but she's still obsessive about the whole thing. I know I probably sounded like a vain twat, but the situation I have described is exactly how it is.

The best advice, I can give you there, I think is to ignore it.
Your friends aren't necessarally going to turn against you based on what she alone says.
People usually see through things like that.

The other thing I'd say is don't be bothered with what you overheard.I can guarantee if you always heard everything someone said about you, probably 50% of it might upset you, its the same for everyone.
People are more frank talking about other people when they are not listening.
It's not meant to be heard and therefore not meant to hurt you intentionally.
Of course there are those that do intend to hurt intentionally via talk behind your back.
But as I said already remember that people mostly see through the likes of that especially if it's all made up or slanted.

So my advice to you would be CHIN UP carry on as normal, ignore the trouble maker and be clever enough not to raise her bitching with your friends too much as it may be just playing on your mind a little too much rather than actually being the big thing that you think it is

(oh and read my sig-the if it doesn't matter in five years time bit... )

LegacyUser

update: She has since made friends with my now-ex, and plays up to it whenever I see them around

padser

So basically the story is

Girl was friends another Girl
Bitchíing started
Girl no longer friends with Girl
Bitchíng continues

Hmmm, sounds like thats a situation that unique to you 'victim'.

If your actually looking for advice, get over it.

Sorry if I appear unsympathetic. Its probably because I am.

py2006

Ahhh, another "get over it" post in personal issues! So very helpful!

Anyway, OP, I wouldn't worry to much about this ex-friend of yours. By now most people around would be aware of her mental issues. Your friends know you and who you are. They will not change their opinion of you based on your ex-friends rantings.

Have you tried discussing it with your friends and boyfriend?

jcoote

its sticking out a mile that there could well be something wrong with this girl and i'm sure people/your friends will relate to that and if they are real friends they will not fall out wit u...
u should talk to some of the people being bitched at and ask them if they have noticed similar issues with that girl

Jean Luc

padser wrote:

So basically the story is

Girl was friends another Girl
Bitchíing started
Girl no longer friends with Girl
Bitchíng continues

Hmmm, sounds like thats a situation that unique to you 'victim'.

If your actually looking for advice, get over it.

Sorry if I appear unsympathetic. Its probably because I am.

there's always one knob...anyway Op.ignore the girl..the more she thinks she's unsettling you the worse she will get..

LegacyUser

I'm just so scared. I was bullied really badly in school and while I was friends with this girl and others I went into a deep depression for about 6 months and started cutting myself. I eventually told them and they seemed to find it funny, they were so unsympathetic that I just couldn't be friends with them anymore. It's still a very raw nerve for me, my college friends know I'm not friends with people from home any more but they don't know why and don't ask, all they know is that those ex-friends are assholes. I hate opening up to people now, it took so much for me to tell these ex-friends how depressed I was (I'm a very private person like that) and when they didn't take it seriously I was so hurt that I've kept people at arm's length since. I'm just scared that all my new friends will find out about what I used to be like, I've already lost a lot of friends and I don't want to lose any more. I'd love to talk to one of my new friends about it but I hate opening up to people, I hate the vulnerability. And it's very hard to say "this girl is obsessed with me, they're all talking about me" without sounding vain and paranoid. If they knew the girl in question it wouldn't surprise them. It's just this girl wrecked friendships on me years ago and I don't want her to do the same again now. I went into college to make a new life for myself and I did, but now it's all coming back to haunt me.

LegacyUser

does anyone have any more advice on this thanks for the replies so far

panda100

heya,my heart goes out to you in this awful predicament but you cant let this girl bully you,cos that is what she's doing. You HAVE to confront her,otherwise she'll keep on trying to ruin your life. Maybe text her and ask her to meet up so you can sort this out once and for all.Tell her what you have said to us,it pays to be honest.

LegacyUser

I confronted her over lots of things when I was friends with her and she just laughed in my face. If I was to say to her what I've said in this thread she'd probably just say, why do you think I'd be bothered about you. She is one of these people that refuses to admit she has any problems, she thinks everyone else has all the problems, and if anyone tried to talk to her she'd blame all her actions on the fact that her mother and brother were mentally ill, she refused to take any responsibility for her actions.

Aziraphale

Maybe she's in love with you. Either way, try being really, really nice to her. She sounds like she has more problems than you do, and would benefit from a proper friend.