poem - please comment

edibility

It's just a word




It's a word
No sentence can ever fully contain
It respects no boundarys
nor rules nor laws
nor commonsense.

It's a word
that breeds respect
and understanding and management
and thought for the future,
tomorrow.

It's a word
that's soft and sweet
and warm, a duvet on a cold night,
a hand, an arm, an embrace,
a smile.

It's a word
meaning unique to all and each experience,
young couples immersed in it,
old men bitter from it,
parents fulfilled by it.

But it's just a word,
four short letters
inexplicable, maybe,
undescribable, certainly-
but just a word.

Silent Grape

argh! what the hell is the word??!

edibility

Take a mad guess....




It is obvious, right?

bus77

very good

bus77

I think I love you catwoman

Silent Grape

ahhhhhhhh.........i get it now.....i hope...

edibility

Thanks Bus77...I think....l

Tis love silent grape, I thought it was pretty obvious but I generally think that about my stuff and then no one understands it

Lilliput Girl

I think that's an amazingly delicate and beautiful poem! I am actually in awe.

Sarky

That was interesting. It actually made me forget the bitter hatred I have of poetry from the Leaving Cert, for a little while. Good work, that girl.

elivsvonchiaing

Aw kinda want to meet you now - are you single? (Smilie for your benefit - feel free to PM me!)

the smiley one

That's really beautiful. Something very touching about it, i think its the simplicity. Nice one!

ven0m

very very cool piece of work - well impressed....


::: ven0mous :::

edibility

Thank you all so much

elivsvonchiaing: inspired mildly by my boyfriend

orangerooster

Very good-kind of nervous putting up the new stuff I've been working at for the last while now!

tman

sweet jesus.
what a load of sentimental *snip*

i'm assuming that Silent Grape was taking the piss... how the **** couldn't you get it?

/edit tman, I am surprised at you...criticism does not require insults /edit

BEAT

I dont care for it myself, seems a bit to "cliche" if you will.
Obviously others seem to care for it though

Skip

BEAT wrote:

I dont care for it myself, seems a bit to "cliche" if you will.
Obviously others seem to care for it though

aye, agreed

simplicity is its charm?

galactus

Is the word....food?

Am I right? Do i get a prize?


(actually, the poem is quite good)

Skip

you said the f-word! ooooh

edibility

Tis ok Beat, I'll take the others opinions

MojoMaker

Unfortunately given the subject chose it's often hard to write anything about it without descending into abject clichedom - btw, that was an example

I'd steer away from romantic poetry to begin with, let your style develop a little before tackling an area at whose all-important first fence many have fallen. Unless of course you want to go down the Sue Townsend route, then all bets are off

name_less

why did you decide to belittle it in the last stanza?

Skip

MojoMaker wrote:

Unfortunately given the subject chose it's often hard to write anything about it without descending into abject clichedom - btw, that was an example

I'd steer away from romantic poetry to begin with, let your style develop a little before tackling an area at whose all-important first fence many have fallen. Unless of course you want to go down the Sue Townsend route, then all bets are off

Id say its not the subject you have to avoid, but go specific, like talk about little specific and interesting things that are unique to you, but things that could easily become metaphors the readers can relate to or can understand at least, thats the way to go imo.

Okay, just an example that actually became a poem later, when I was into this guy but the thing started to go wrong, I wrote a letter to him cause he wouldnt speak to me and I wanted to discuss some things. And then I went into his office (cause we worked in the same place and he shared an office with others), I saw the letter wide open on his messy table, so anyone who entered the office could see and even read it. That was too bad on me, and this event got into the poem later. I mean it's something that doesnt say explicitly "youre a prick, even if you dont love me you still could show a bit of respect", but it implies it.

Why am I telling all of this?

edibility

Cliche people: my relationship is a cliche, as is everyone elses. If I want to write about my cliche from my point of view, it's still my cliche.
MojoMaker: why should I steer away from it? If I want to write about something there should be nothimg stopping me, even if my style does need to develop

name_less wrote:

why did you decide to belittle it in the last stanza?

It wasn't so much belittling as bringing it down to earth tbh, or a least that's the way I see it....everyone harps on about love and so on, but it's not something you can describe, and in that way the cliche's were almost intentional-they contradict eachother so much that as a word it's not really defininable, yet so many people would describe it using those kind of examples.

(I would have explained that had anyone asked before, btw)

tibilt

it's interesting. an anti-love poem. might want to trademark that.

MojoMaker

You did ask for comments ed. Nothing wrong with writing cliched poetry, nothing at all, it'll just never be taken seriously that's all, and I had a feeling that was the reason you let us see it, no?

There are easier subjects to tackle. All I am saying is that it is difficult to write well about love.

edibility

It's difficult to write well at all Mojo

and I had a feeling that was the reason you let us see it, no? > hmmm?
read the rest of my poetry, I don't think most of it is cliched.

MojoMaker

Jesus, do you take everyone up wrong? :eek:

Did you not let us see your poetry in order for it to be taken seriously? At least that was my impression.

Piste

I liked it

edibility

Sorry Mojo, I did take that up wrong. I thought you meant I only posted it because it wouldn't be taken seriously, apologies!