Tired of short relationships!

Empatia

Ok, first off. I'm 19 years old, confident, a student, good-looking (modest too, believe it or not :P ) and really despite most people saying it and not really being it, a nice guy.

I am sick of 'one-night stands', and 'nothing serious' / 'bit of fun' relationships.
Having said that, I'm not exactly about to propose to anyone that takes my fancy. I'm just looking for a normal relationship.

I've never really had a long relationship. Longest was under two months!

Up until now I had myself convinced I was just getting involved with women who just didn't want anything serious as so to speak. Most women just wanted a bit of fun. The few that did show an interest in making a strong relationship, I found allways had other plans, change me, use me, ect...

For most lads my age, what women proposed to me would be a blessing, but seriously I dont want anymore "shagbuddy"/"one night stands" for a while, I want a girlfriend.

Obviously there must be some flaw to me, which imediately makes women think 'not boyfriend material'.

So what could it be? I'm not one of those guys who gets really deep and commited and into women very fast or jealous or try to change who they are.

Im a student so I dont have alot of money, so no doubt that will rule out some women, not ones I would have wanted to be with anyway :P.

So women, what are the warning signs that make you think "noway would I go out with this chap". I must have a neon version printed on my forehead :P

Wolf

No advice , but, I understand your plaight. For a very long time I have had no shortgae of female attention or company, but, unlike or many other people I never seem to be able to have a relationship. Allways seems like a used and thrown.

The real head wrecker is that sometimes I wonder if (A) Im a nice guy but ugly (B) Cute guy, but an asshole or (C) Both and sometimes girls feel sorry for me.

But, to be honest as I have gotten older it really does bother me and I wonder, like you, why it is......?

neuro-praxis

To both of you: maybe where you're looking has something to do with it.

In my experience the best way to meet good people is through good people, and have quiet nights out/in with them. This gives you a chance to banter with people over a few beers instead of screaming at each other over loud music.

Nightclubs and the college social scene are fine if you want to just pull, but if you want a relationship you just have to hang tight until the right person comes along. Although it's possible, you probably won't meet a long-term partner in a nightclub.

Also, try expressing what you want when a girl shows interest in you. Say, "Look, I'm not putting pressure on you or anything, but I'm not just after a one-night-stand or whatever...I'd like to get to know you first".

You might be surprised at how well some girls will respond to this - some of my chick friends really want a relationship but can't find a guy who'd like to be more than a casual shag, so they take what they can get.

Also, try "dating". I think the Americans have got this one right. If you like a chick, ask her out on a date, and be honourable. Have a fun night and then just kiss her goodbye. She'll realise soon enough you're no easy piece.

G'luck.

Oryx

Have very little in the line of advice to offer, but ye sound like nice guys, and if youre getting the girls in the first place, theres nothing wrong with you . Its not just a man thing that when someone comes on too strong, you run a mile, so maybe dont come across as immediately wanting a 'relationship'?

MojoMaker

Before you criticise yourself too harshly ask yourself why exactly would a 19yr old girl want a boyfriend? At that age her whole life is just opening up and there are lots of guys to befriend and experience and lots of things on which to spend hard earned money, and perhaps competition for time in the form of college, part-time work, family commitments etc..

Don't worry too much about it and realise the flip side of the coin is true for you too. At your age it's not so much girlfriends you should be concerning yourself with but companions, male or female, and true friends as opposed to the usual gang of losers we cling to from school.

You're trying to grow up too fast dude. Time will take care of that nicely for you, meanwhile enjoy these (relatively) carefree years.

Mr.Nice Guy

Empatia wrote:

Im a student so I dont have alot of money, so no doubt that will rule out some women, not ones I would have wanted to be with anyway :P.

You don't have alot of money yet you want a girlfriend?Dude,if you get yourself a girlfriend you won't have ANY money.
You don't have alot of money yet you have had plenty of 'one night stands' and 'nothing serious'/'bit of fun' relationships?
Man,quit your whining and tell the rest of us your secret.

mayordenis

Mr.Nice Guy wrote:

You don't have alot of money yet you want a girlfriend?Dude,if you get yourself a girlfriend you won't have ANY money.
You don't have alot of money yet you have had plenty of 'one night stands' and 'nothing serious'/'bit of fun' relationships?
Man,quit your whining and tell the rest of us your secret.

yeah take what you got for now, a relationship is very hard to manage during college especially in relation to money and if it gets serious you'll want to get yer own place which will make you really short on cash probably.

Empatia

well i suppose its a bit of a grass is allways greener thing.

most people not in my situation seem to think its great, and those friends i have that have girlfriend looks better to me.

I suppose in the long run, maybe if I keep going the way I am, atleast i might not have a mid-life crisis

Empatia

By the way just to clear up two things.

Im not one of those guys who comes on really strong at the begining, I tought that was a well known fact that it scares off people.

And Im not trying to make anyone believe I am some sort of casanova, I get an average ammount of women, its just they never want anything more than a little bit of fun, or casual sex with me.



Just finished texting a girl I really liked, ending with a typical, "lets just be friends" so Im gonna drop that, keep up the friendship though.

Anyway, another small question, theres this girl in college that I have fancied since first year, she is really good looking and I figured why not, ill give it a try. Was thinking though, rather than waiting to see her on a night out, would it be wierd to just go up to her in college and ask her out (jeez dating haha) for a drink or lunch or something? Or is that reserved for the after college years? Id like to make a good impression, that Im generally intereseted in the girl rather than go up to her and pull some drunken fit, aka the male mating call. I think going up to her plain sober and in a public place would show confidence and that im not just interested in getting my bit as such.

What do you think? I kinda have what I would say prepared.

neuro-praxis

Ask Her Out

For The Love Of Allah

Mr.Nice Guy

Empatia wrote:

Anyway, another small question, theres this girl in college that I have fancied since first year, she is really good looking and I figured why not, ill give it a try. Was thinking though, rather than waiting to see her on a night out, would it be wierd to just go up to her in college and ask her out (jeez dating haha) for a drink or lunch or something? Or is that reserved for the after college years? Id like to make a good impression, that Im generally intereseted in the girl rather than go up to her and pull some drunken fit, aka the male mating call. I think going up to her plain sober and in a public place would show confidence and that im not just interested in getting my bit as such.

What do you think? I kinda have what I would say prepared.

Well it would be weird in the sense that most Irish guys don't have the guts to do that.Just have a bit of small talk and ask her out.If she says no,so what?What you could do is say to her:

"Hey,I'm going to get something to eat,would you like to join me?"

If she says yes,great.If she says no,well so what?You were going to get something to eat with or without her anyway so you don't end up looking like a sap.
Good luck to you Empatia.I have alot of respect for people who have the courage to ask girls out in an environment other than a bar when they're usually pissed.....

tinkerbell

Is she in your class? Go sit beside her in one of your lectures or something, that way you'll get talking to her. Then once you're past that, you'll have more courage then to ask her to lunch or something, "You hungry? I'm starving!" That way, at least you'll get to be her friend first, and the relationship will / should last longer that way

is_that_so

Just a few small comments

Firstly what's the panic. You are 19 ( Been there done that ). College life can be pretty weird, lots of people cutting loose after all that parental control. Not always the case that you need to be involved.

And sometimes you can get more out of a real friendship with a woman.

Good luick with it all.