Am I over reacting.....

Velvet Vocals

Ok, so tell me if I'm over reacting to this right... .but my dad's two step-daughters have recently changed their sur-name to his..... the background to this is that he lives in England and remarried about 6 years ago. The two girls are in their twenties one of them is nearly 30 and she has just gotten married but just before she did get married she changed her name.
They are doing this I think because they hate their own dad and it's to get back at him or something.... but that isn't going to solve that problem for them.
I'm pissed off because they are not part of my family really and why should they have the same surname as me.... and in a childish stamp my feet kind of way I'm pissed off coz HE'S MY DAD!!!Know what I mean??
So anyway way, I wasn't even consulted about it, it was just done and the younger one, the one that didn't get married lives with him most of the time... which is another thing that pisses me off.....
so anyway, I'm thinking about telling her to change her name back or looking in to the legalities of it....
should I just leave it??? am I being selfish???

WhiteWashMan

i think you have answered your own questions to be honest.

it has nothing to do with you. there are no legalities about it. it is not your decision, you do not need to be consulted, you just need to accept the fact, that for whatever reason they do change their names, it has nothing what-so-ever to do with you.

uberwolf

I'm familiar with situations very vaguely similar to yours and so am concious that very minor things take on significant symbolism. My answer typically has been that these things are not done as an affront to you. The girls behaviour doesn't directly impact on you , it just undermines vunerabilities that you have already regarding your fathers estrangement. I say yes you're overreacting, you'll proabably cause greater problems by doing anything about it. The girls are behaving funnily though.

Skellington

like it or not they are part of yer family now... if they hate their birth father why not just let them be happy and have a nice father figure to look up to in their life... yer dads not gonna forget you exist, he'll always love ya more even if he dont always show it... let them have the name, what harm will it bring?

Morf3h

Aye that sucks man but as the other 2 said, there's nothing you can do. Be proud of your own name and forget about them. It'll only bring unwanted friction tbh.

Beruthiel

honestly, this is the highest form of flattery for you Da,
personally I would choose to keep the name I was given, but then my Da was good to me – perhaps they wish to forget their past?
Anyway, yes he is your Da, and that hasn’t changed one bit, so you have to ask yourself, why are you so upset?
Do you feel you missed out on his company or attention in someway since he remarried?
Did that bother you in some way?
Are you jealous because he got on with his life and found another woman to love?
I don’t believe whatever you are feeling has got much to do with this name change, I believe it goes much deeper than that, perhaps you have to take a long look at yourself and see what it is that bothers you so much in this.

Zulu

"am I over reacting?" - yes.
"am I being selfish???" - yes.

Velvet Vocals

Thanks guys, ok I wont say anything... but I'm never going to actually call them by that name... I just can't.
I know there are other issues that are adding to my pissed offness.... but this was like the iceing on the cake...
anyway, thanks for all the advice!

koneko

So anyway way, I wasn't even consulted about it,

Why should you have been consulted on it...?? If you ask me, yes, you are overreacting and you're being very selfish. Way to welcome them into your family!

Mercury_Tilt

This post has been deleted.

cajun_tiger

its legal and not much you can do just because they got the same name as you means nothing not even worth the paper its wrote on. they are being childish. yes it gets to you but dont at all, forget it and move on..

how many smiths are in the world and how many are actualy related

the_syco

Saint Something wrote:

the background to this is that he lives in England and remarried about 6 years ago

I notice you say "he" and not "we".

I think the fact that he lives in England, and that they (the girls) seem to becoming "his" family frightens you. Don't be. Be happy for him.

You've left out other things, and as you've said this was "iceing on the cake...", so I sense there are other issue's.

My advice; go over to him some weekend, and talk to him. He'll show you that you have nothing to worry about.

On a final note; are you an only child? If so, you may see this as an attempt for them to "steal" your fathers love. Don't worry. This happens to alot of people, but I'm happy to see that your handling this maturely.

Velvet Vocals

koneko wrote:

Why should you have been consulted on it...?? If you ask me, yes, you are overreacting and you're being very selfish. Way to welcome them into your family!

I should have been consulted because if it is going to be a big happy family then we should all talk about things that are a big deal, and to me this is a big deal!!
I am not being selfish, I'm the one that's sharing my dad and saying nothing.... I may be saying things here but I'm not saying them to anyone else. For a person that has been an only child to have to share a parent is a big deal!!!

Velvet Vocals

the_syco wrote:

On a final note; are you an only child? If so, you may see this as an attempt for them to "steal" your fathers love. Don't worry. This happens to alot of people, but I'm happy to see that your handling this maturely.

Thanks syco, I am an only child...how did you guess
I know that they are never going to take over or steal his love but it's still a pain in the arse! I have recently had a big talk with him about it (that's kinda what has it in my mind so much at the moment) and he was totally cool about it and said I'm his number one and all that kinda stuff and he's been sending me lots of really sweet text messages over the last few days and stuff... so I'll get over it. I guess it's only a name and suppose it is the fact that he's so cool that they are happy taking his name and that's great... but... ah you know what I mean! I don't think I'll ever be happy with it and I do find it strange.
I mean I have a step-Dad too and I would never think about changing my name to his... I love him and everything. He's totally the best as far as step-dad's go..but I'm not his daughter... I'm his stepdaughter.... know what I mean??
Anyway, thanks everyone for the advice!

tinkerbell

Saint Something wrote:

Ok, so tell me if I'm over reacting to this right... .but my dad's two step-daughters have recently changed their sur-name to his..... the background to this is that he lives in England and remarried about 6 years ago. The two girls are in their twenties one of them is nearly 30 and she has just gotten married but just before she did get married she changed her name.

Now I think that is just really really odd. It'd be one thing if they were really young and that's why they changed the name but at that stage of their lives, what's the point? And it's even more odd about the one who just got married, what was the point of her changing her name before she got hitched? Would she not be changing her name after she got married as well?

No wonder you are pissed off, you are allowed to be, ya know! He is YOUR dad after all, not theirs. Then again, maybe you should look at it on the bright side, as someone else previously posted. At least he gets along with his step-children.

Velvet Vocals

Tinkerbell... YOU ROCK!!
I thought I was the only one that saw things this way....
But yea, I do have to move on and not let it bother me... but it IS strange! But it's just them being strange... let them at it! :rolleyes:

Thanks a mill for that!

meditraitor

I think you should be miffed, at there age, something odd.

Just a thought, but if I was you I would change my name to their original surname -- see how they like it :rolleyes: :cool:

davie_b

meditraitor wrote:

I think you should be miffed, at there age, something odd.

Just a thought, but if I was you I would change my name to their original surname -- see how they like it :rolleyes: :cool:

yeah it is a bit odd my mother and father are seperated i have 2 sisters and my brother is fathered by my mother co-habitant i'm 21 my older sis is 24 and my younger sis is 14 we would never consider changing our name it would be like a slap in the face for my father....who we all including my mother have a good enough relationship with!

Nasty_Girl

Saint something, I do think your step sisters (if you don't mind me calling them that) are a tad weird but sharing parents is a part of life. There's a lot worse things to have to contend with out there. You should be proud of your dad for being such a good step dad and thankful that you have a good step dad yourself.

pickarooney

How does your Dad feel about this? It sounds like they're doing it as a display of affection for him rather than for themselves and as such it has nothing to do with you.
Has either of them got the same first name as you, because that might be a bit weird(er)?
Anyway, you've more or less admitted that the name-change isn't your real problem, so what is, exactly? (I can imagine there are lots, and valid ones).