Timeframe

gabbo is coming

Hi

Recently been told by my wife that she wants to separate. Not major incidents, just growing apart and I am a bit.emotionally stunted. It's not what I want, but no counseling is being accepted by her (for us), so it's not for changing. Still mad about her.

That being said I'm going too do a small but of counselling myself, for my own benefit, see what all the fuss is about…

So being a very practical person, everything is amicable, but Id like to get through this as soon as possible. From the date of separation, all things being reasonably amicable, is it possible to get divorced exactly on the two years? We have the money to buy a.second small propety nearby for me, but Im not rushing in to anything, am staying the family home for foreseeable, possibly till the decree.

Separately, one looming flashpoint is her stated desire to put the youngest through a secondary school over the other side of the county, 1 hr away. Starting in four years. Im trying not to let that sword of damocleus start a big row yet and ignore for now....

CatLick

It's possible but depends on the court. Some are busier than others. Your solicitor will advise. Best of luck staying in a house with someone your divorcing. There is nothing to stop ye from sorting out the financial arrangements/new house now. A judge will only get involved if you can't agree or it's manifestly unfair. The secondary school is possibly a bargaining chip on your wife's side. As in she'll drop the school if you agree to XYZ. Just remember It's a marathon not a sprint.

gabbo is coming

I thought you couldn't buy any assets until a separation agreement was agreed? Otherwise there would be a claim on any new assets. That'll take us a year I'd say. Then another year to find a place i can afford.

Im staying in the house for the kids, no other reason. But yes, it'll be a tough 2+ years

I wouldn't naturally be a combative / hard shaw with this stuff, but I'll have to man up. She's created a very weird narrative.....what a time to be alive

CatLick

Not necessarily. A judge will prefer a mutually agreed outcome post mediation. You mentioned taking 2 years to get a property. It LL be 3+ years if you are waiting 2 years for divorce and another year for her to buy you out. That 3 years reduces your borrowing potential and God knows what the property market will be like then. And don't be under any illusions about the following. If you found out recently than she has been thinking about this for 6+ months before. She will do ANYTHING to get you out of the house. It is absolutely in her interest to agree nothing until 1/2 an hour before a court hearing. By which stage you ll agree to anything. I d drop the counselor and think about a divorce coach.

gabbo is coming

Anyone PM me a recommendation for a good divorce coach pls?

gabbo is coming

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124236006#Comment_124236006

I don't know what the alternative is....can't afford to set up a second shop. And doesn't everyone on this forum say "don't move out too soon from the family home" or words to that effect

CatLick

It is pretty easy for her to get u out of the house. You come back after a few pints watching a match. She ll start an argument and call the gardai saying you ve been drinking and she feels threatened. Her next step is to Court and you'll receive a Protection Order within a few days if not a Barring Order.

Ultimately it is very likely she and the kids will stay in the house but that doesn't mean she won't be obliged to buy you out to some extent. Also bear in mind you need to disclose all your financial records including for past couple of years. Don't bother with PMs for solicitors etc. meet a few yourself as you ll be working with them.

Dumb Juan

Hi,

You need to be living apart (but that can still be under one roof) for two years before applying for a divorce. If terms agreed (eg using a legal mediation or by yourselves if possible), it could take a year. if you don't agree it can take three years.

Remember the moment you move out, you reduce your access to your kids. If you have separate bedrooms you should stay as long as it is safe for you to do so.

Best of luck.

gabbo is coming

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/124240674#Comment_124240674

Thanks Juan

So you can only apply on two years of separation. And then, that application can take a year. Am I getting that right?

Dumb Juan

Yes you must be living apart for two years, then you can apply for a divorce, the application process will take about a year but who knows with the Courts system! BUT that only applies if you both agree terms.

wildwillow

Don't trust anything not agreed in writing. Spouses can be very manipulative until they have got what they always wanted. I'm speaking from observation of several separated and divorced couples of my acquaintance. What seems an amicable split at the start turns into a battle of wills and does no one any favours.

The process seems to become adversarial and extremely expensive quickly. Also, Courts are working with a large backlog, and your case can take ages to be heard. Sometimes it can be rescheduled on the day if other cases in Family law are complex and will take the day. Then expect a couple of months wait for another hearing.

Stay in the house and document everything. I have no advice about going to a distant school but you need to get advice on your rights to seeing the child.

dubal

Use the free mediation service from the legal aid board, to agree all the details in advance. Usually takes a few months to get an appointment, which is fine as you need to have calmed down before you start and you have to wait the two yesrs anyhow.

Then hopefully you get an agreement that can form the basis of the divorce.

It can be reasonably quick once its uncontested and agreed up front.

feelings

Agree with everything CatLick has said.

"buy a.second small propety nearby for me" Why are you the one entertaining moving out?

gabbo is coming

Thanks, I've changed opinion on that, not going anywhere till sep agreement or divorce

feelings

Have you thought about what you want from the divorce/separation? e.g. division of assets, custody/access etc