Separated in the Same House – What Are Our Options?

sabinalee

Hi everyone,
My husband and I have been married since 2008. We’ve been emotionally and physically separated since November 2024 — separate bedrooms, no relationship, just co‑parenting our teenage son 14). Our daughter (25) moved out in 2023.

We still live in the same house because neither of us can afford to move out Mortgage is 80K left fior another 8 years. We are both tired and decided to speed up things legally. We are both nearly 50.. We’re trying to stay fair — we agree on a 50/50 expenses and we want to avoid court and solicitors if we can.

By reading many posts here, getting divorce in Ireland is definitely very long, exhausting and messy process...

None of us is in a new relationship.We just want to protect ourselves and each other legally.

I’m just wondering:

Can we record our separation from Nov 2024 even though we live under the same roof?

What’s the best way to make a DIY separation agreement that holds legal weight?

What steps should we take next to make this real, on paper?

We just want to do this with dignity and clarity — any advice or experience is really welcome. Thank you so much.

Dial Hard

You can certainly start the process while still living in the same house but generally the courts will want to see proof of separation while living together - so no joint expenses, still sharing accounts, groceries etc. You should really both have instructed Revenue to assess you separately from November 2024, that tends to go a long way towards drawing a clear line in the sand as far as the courts are concerned.

Having said that, it sounds like things are very amicable between you and that you're ideal candidates for doing things by agreement, in which case if you both say that Nov 24 is the date the marriage essentially ended, that will be accepted. Would you consider mediation? As there's still a minor living in the family home, any judge you end up in front of will likely insist on there have been some form of professional/independent input into everything.

You won't be eligible to actually divorce until November of next year, but you can certainly get the ball rolling now, and should do - these things can take an eye-watering amount of time, even when everyone is on the same page. Best of luck.

sabinalee

Hi again and thank you for the kind and helpful reply so far — I really appreciate it.

So how we should start collecting proof of separation while still living under the same roof? What kind of things actually count — Revenue was mentioned, but we are still trying to figure out how to properly separate things in practice, especially financially.

Our current setup:

We have a joint mortgage and joint mortgage protection (life insurance).

We each have our own bank accounts.

He sends a fixed amount each week to my account to cover his share of bills (mortgage, electricity, phones, etc.).

We’re both named drivers on each other's cars (for insurance purposes).

Still not sure how to split bills fairly. Most are in my name (electricity, broadband, etc.). I earn more — around a 65/35 split — and I already cover more, plus I’ve been saving for our son’s future.

But now I’m asking myself: is it okay to start saving just for me too? Do I need to share that?

We’ve been emotionally and physically separated since Nov 2024, but still financially tied. We work different shifts and barely see each other, but still cook for the house, etc. Does this likely need to stop to set clearer boundaries?

Our son is the most important here.…I thought we could slowly prepare him without the drastic moves😔.

Apologies for so many questions....

CatLick

I suspect a judge will be far more concerned with asset splits and how your son is to be cared for. Focus on how that will work till he is finished college/started work. If both parties say they are living separately and no obvious coercion the Judge can't really say different.

mardirousse

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123679651#Comment_123679651

I was divorced in January of this year, we had not been living apart 2 years and had no proof of separate finances, there was no need: the judge accepted it fully as we were both agreed.

You cannot start saving for yourself until you have at least a judicial separation. Anything you save before then will be split as a marital asset. This is the reason we rushed the process : my ex is a super high earner, he stopped paying into his pension until we got it done as the pension adjustment order was going to give half to me.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123748729#Comment_123748729

You could have requested a nil adjustment order on his pension. I didn't want any of my ex's (very lucrative) army pension so agreed to an adjustment order of 1c on it.

Never actually got the cent though, now that I think of it... 😆