Getting solicitors involved - don’t know where to start

kylith

Please let me know if there’s a forum better suited to this.

I think I need to get solicitors/the courts involved with my co-parent and I have no idea where to start. We have previously been in mediation should I get in contact with them?

To give some idea of why: most recently they left our 4 and 6 year old kids unsupervised in the green in their estate a couple of hundred meters from home. Am older kid started picking on my youngest, shoved him down, and he walked back to my ex’s house, across the main road through the estate alone and upset. My 6yo is blaming themselves for being too afraid to step in.

Dial Hard

Is this a one-off incident or the straw that's broken the camel's back? If it's the former, going legal seems to be a bit nuclear. And even if it's the latter, what exact outcome do you want to achieve here? A solicitor can't force your ex to be a better parent.

If you want to change access arrangements because you're concerned for your children's safety, then that needs to be court ordered, but you don't need a solicitor for that.

It sounds to me like what you really need is someone to talk a bit of sense into your ex about the level of supervision a 4 and 6 year old require. If things between you aren't amicable enough for you to be the person to do that, can you recruit a friend or family member of his to help?

I may be wrong but I don't think mediators will get involved again once everything was agreed during that process.

Big Bag of Chips

I agree with Dial Hard. What do you hope a solicitor can do? Are you looking to take access away from your ex?

A 4 year old should not be allowed off the road unsupervised. And a 6 year old isn't responsible enough to supervise alone.

Depending on how far away the green is, your ex might think it's completely reasonable to let them both over to play. Especially if there are lots of other children out playing. Children will fight and bigger children will pick on little children. It could happen in front of you in a playground! Sometimes we have to leave them to figure it out themselves.

Saying that, your 4 year old should not have been out of sight of the house. Nor should your 6 year old in fairness. They are not old enough to have road sense at that age. I think you need to find a way to discuss this with your ex without going straight for the attack. Nothing bad happened your child (an older child picked on them, that's going to happen when there are groups of children gathered. It will happen throughout their life) but they are not old enough to be expected to manage crossing roads and traffic alone.

kylith

oh, it’s definitely the straw that’s broken the camels back. Previous issues have included leaving the 6yo unsupervised with a kitchen knife (they claimed they were going in and out to check on her), and falling asleep while the kids are in their charge: this allowed the 6yo to climb out a window and get stuck outside. The kids said they didn’t wake my ex for help because “X doesn’t like being woken up”. The kids told me that if they wake my ex they got yelled at.

I suppose I’m looking for advice on who to contact to discuss making a judgement on my exes’ custody. I have no desire to stop them seeing the kids, but I’m concerned that the kids are at risk in their care. I don’t want to over-react, and I know that kids can get hurt right beside you, but under-reacting could put my kids in danger.

Big Bag of Chips

Is access court ordered? Where do the children live? I don't know if a solicitor would make a judgement call on your ex's custody, but they will advise you on attending court to apply for formalised access, or to change an access agreement if one is already in place. They will also charge handsomely for the privilege.

You can represent yourself. It might be worth first making a call to your local family court clerk and ask what you need to do.

kylith

Access was agreed between us in mediation and the children’s primary residence is with me.

JVince

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123610846#Comment_123610846

It looks like you are overreacting.

What REAL dangers are your children in and do you have absolute proof and not just some hearsay? Courts do not base decisions on what you think might have happened. Neither do they make decision based on exaggeration or sensationalising an issue.

Running to create a legal quarrel will never see any winners.

Simply go back to mediation to have some guidelines set out.

Big Bag of Chips

I have fallen asleep when I was in sole charge of my young children. My children have been in the kitchen with access to all the knives without my direct supervision.

I do think you have to weigh up the real dangers and the perceived dangers. And just try talk to your es. His parenting style is a bit more relaxed than yours. But are your children in any genuine danger?

I do think a 4 and 6 year old should not be out of sight of the house. They should not be unsupervised where they are not easily seen by a look out the window. But I don't think your ex needs to sit on them and be constantly watching them every minute. That's neither practical or helpful. Your children will learn two different styles of parent and will have their own relationship with each of you. Your ex won't do things the way you do, and yes your kids might cut their finger, or get pushed over, or any other thing that happens most children growing up.

You do need to decide what's real and what's an overreaction. What's an actual problem, and what's you simply being in conflict with your ex. Your children are very young. You have a very very long road ahead of you both being in each others' lives. You can't control what he does when the children are with him. You can't make him be the type of parent you are. If you think your children are genuinely in danger then you have to take steps to remove their access to your ex. If you just wish that your ex was a bit more attentive then you just need to bite your tongue and let him figure it out himself.

Dial Hard

It sounds like a Section 47 assessment is what you're looking for, but that will have to be court-ordered unless both you and your ex agree to it, which I'm guessing is not going to be the case, and it is a pretty nuclear option that's going to be intrusive and stressful for everyone involved, including your kids.

Obviously your children's safety is paramount here, but is there nobody your ex will listen to about the realities of parenting two young children??? It sounds like he needs a dose of cop-on more than anything.