Personal dilemma affecting mood and confidence

Mamsnow

In a bit of a personal quandary – and its really starting to get to me in terms of mood, confidence etc.

I am in my early 50s, married with teenagers still in the school cycle. Parents both in their mid – late 80s, relative good health (some challenges), living independently, but do require some practical support, and assistance with hospital appointments etc. Only girl in a family of boys – lucky that they are very hands on and nobody is really left with too much of the heavy lifting.

I am currently in a professional office based role – have been there for a number of years. Over the years, my company has been very good to me – and have facilitated a shorter working week. This extra day or so allows me to support parents with shopping, appointments etc etc – and they have become somewhat dependent on me for that.

The company is being taken over, and some roles, including my own, will no longer be viable. I would imagine I have approx.. 3 more months before I will be let go. There is no opportunity to stay on in my current company, and while redundancy will allow some breathing space, I do need to work.

Part of me is looking forward to the prospect of a change, but I am extremely worried about my ability to land a role that would facilitate a shorter working week / condensed hours so I can continue to look after my parents on that 1 day. I am a hard worker, have been accoladed over the years for my work ethic and various projects I have worked on – but my confidence to secure a role outside is shattered – Not only am I searching for a shorter week, I am also conscious I am the age I am, and some companies may not want to hire someone at this juncture. Not sure where the lack of confidence has come from – but I am extremely disillusioned and worried to the point of making myself feel sick.

While my siblings are great – I do feel more of an onus to help out with parents - esp. my mother who does rely on me a bit more. I am conscious they wont be around forever, but also conscious of my own family situation that I need to keep working – would love to be in a position to take a few years out, but don’t think age is on my side for that either.

I am lying awake at night worried about all of this – which is affecting my mood with my own family. I have a very supportive husband – doesn’t ‘worry’ about finances – more practical in the ‘ we will be fine’ – so to be fair, puts no pressure on me either way.

Not sure what advice I am looking for to be honest – really wondering if anyone ever had to navigate something similar and how they managed it.

HildaOgdenx

My advice would be to break it down a bit, separate the various strands, and work on what's within your control for now. Can you find out exactly when your role comes to an end? At least that will give you back some degree of control and certainty, believe it or not.

Uncertainty is a difficult thing to deal with, and changing jobs, when it wasn't necessarily your choice is also a source of stress. There are companies who help with cv preparation and interview skills. It's helpful too, to document for yourself, the successful projects you have handled, and any feedback you received along the way. It boosts your confidence, and is helpful in going for interviews too, rather than thinking - oh where else would take me on.

I fully get what you mean about wanting to continue to support your parents. But you're important too. Maybe have a chat with your siblings, and that might ease that worry a bit for you. Also some companies will have flexible options in place, so you could make up time, if you had to take a few hours off to help with a hospital appointment or whatever.

Best of luck, it's natural to be stressed, in this situation. Look into ways to alleviate the immediate stress, and as I said, separate out the various parts.

I know it sounds like a cliché but like lots of a clichés, there's truth in it - try to take things one day at a time.

3DataModem

You need to sort your own situation first and foremost, vis-a-vis work, and not focus too much on the what-ifs. Get your work situation sorted. If you lose that day for a while or for good, you have to manage the consequences with your family, siblings and parents only when the time comes.

While it might seem your parents are dependant on that day, it is probably more correct to say they have adapted to it and are used to it. There are lots of options for additional care for parents, and the state provides support to those who need it (I have direct experience of this).

John_Rambo

Would you ever consider going out on your own? I’m constantly amazed by how the most competent, reliable, and capable people often shy away from self-employment. You’d be top of the list, I’d put money on you being a success if you decided to take that step.

Mamsnow

Thank you all for your replies - really do take them on board.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123559504#Comment_123559504

When you mention going out on own - do you mean consulting, contracting? Something I have considered to be honest - just wondering on the best route to get myself going in that direction..

John_Rambo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123559583#Comment_123559583

Yes, consulting, contracting, sole trader or set up a small business. A small business where you will be "booked up" every Friday. You're in a good position, age, experience, maturity and contacts.

zoobizoo

There are places looking for experienced candidates and also offering part-time and hybrid opportunities. Check in with some recruiters and see what's out there.

You could consider taking a part-time role and set up your own business as a consultant during your spare hours. Less risky than going it alone at the start.