Heart break for potentially leaving childminder

wexmum25

hi all, first time post.
I’m just looking for some advice/thoughts. Our 3 year old is with the most amazing childminder. He’s so happy there. However we recently welcomed another little one. Original plan was to send both to our childminder, but knew we would be stretching ourselves financially. So much that for the year both would be there we might need a loan to tide us over.
we have unexpectedly been offered a local crèche place for both kids from sept. Which would be significantly cheaper- less than half what it would be with CM.
We still have to go visit but considering taking up the positions in the autumn. financially this makes the most sense and the difference between struggling to make ends meet and being able to save.
but, my heart is absolutely breaking. I’ve spent so much time crying when trying to think about what to do. I also feel guilty as we are her only mindees. I love how much she loves our son and how good she is to him. In a world where money wasn’t a worry I’d love to keep them there but that’s not the way it is.
I’m also worried about the crèche transition as had a bad experience before.

Am I a bad parent to remove him from such a happy environment?

HoleyMoley12

What a tough decision!
Sounds like you have an amazing Childminder, one that is increasingly hard to find these days. As a mum to 3 kids (youngest now 7yo) I was lucky enough to find caring Childminders when kids were very young instead of using a crèche.
I know it will be tough financially for a year or 2 but getting the kids minded in a home setting for the first few years of life would be my priority…it is priceless for a child’s development.
Very best of luck whatever decision you make x

893bet

Being part of a bigger group in crèche will also do loads for their development also remember.

I think you are over thinking it. We had our son on a crèche a good way away from locality as it suited to drop and collect from wife’s work. When he started school more locally there was no one on the school he knew (everyone else knew someone from crèche locally). After a month he couldn’t even remember the names of his “friends” in “old school”.

Your child will be fine with the change and it will broaden their minds.

GreeBo

my 2c

Both my children are in full time child care, they move rooms with creche and also their minders change frequently, they just get on with it. Over the years they have had several minders that each of they was very close to, but again they just move on with life. They are very resilient, trying to protect them from "heartache" will just lead them to being very fragile emotionally. Life is full of "painful" moments, in the scheme of things this is irrelevant.

You are likely to have a bigger issue with bringing and leaving them at creche for the first couple of weeks. This is 100% normal and part of your child growing up and becoming independent. If your child stays home all the time then junior infants is going to be very painful for all of you in a year or 2.

I would strongly disagree with "minding the kids in a home setting" being a priority. Kids LOVE being with other kids in a creche setting and its excellent for their development. They are exposed to way more new things outside of the home than inside.

StevenToast

That childminder is worth her weight in gold...KEEP HER!

Creches can be fine....but sickness can be picked up very easily and you are left at home minding them and cursing the fact you got rid of the childminder....

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123077263#Comment_123077263

Children get sick no matter what, picking stuff up from creche is no different than picking stuff up from playdates, playgrounds etc.

Its not healthy to keep children "isolated" from whatever colds/flus are doing the rounds, thats how you build an immune system.

justwhatithink

We went through similar about 18 months ago. Our daughter was with a minder who loved her and our daughter was extremely happy there. However, we moved house and eventually we were offered a place in a creche much closer to our new home and at half the price of the childminder. I was so upset at the thought of what I was 'doing to my daughter' by taking her from her much loved minder and putting her in a creche and felt so guilty taking her from the minder who had thought she was going to have her for the long term. I cried lots of guilty tears too.

No surprise the transition to the creche went just fine, she is very happy there and has lots of lovely teachers who are so kind & caring to her. And she has lots of lovely little friends - it has done her the world of good as a covid baby who was very very shy. Yes she picked up every runny nose going for the first year…a pain, but she was never required to stay home unless she had a temperature or was puking, just like school. If she didnt pick the bugs up in the creche she was going to get hit with them once she starts school anyhow.

Do not put yourself in debt for childcare if you have another suitable option. Could you talk to your minder and see if she can give you a reduction on fees? I know childcare is such a complex relationship; the minders genuinely love your kids and its all very personal but at the same time it is a service and your minder will find new children if she wants to. And remember, one day they will have to leave the minder anyways to go to school. Were you planning on sending your children to do their ECCE? I assume they would get this in the creche you have been offered too so would be good to have the place.

My daughter does not remember her old minder - they do adjust so well, especially when they get some preparation for the change thats coming. Try to stop giving yourself such a hard time, this will work out fine once you've made a decision. Go see the creche and get a feel for it, ask around and get feedback, meet the owner and the manager if you can to get a feel for their ethos and the standards they expect, regardless if staff change etc. And then bring the kids to see it if you like it, you'll get great reassurance from seeing your childrens reaction to the creche and the different environment.

10-10-20

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123077281#Comment_123077281

There's definitely a sharp increase in bugs picked up in a creche versus a minder - we, like many other parents around us, went though the difficult period of weekly bugs and illnesses before our kids immune systems caught-up. It was relentless for around 6 months from the start for both.

But overall creches do benefit the kids socially, but a minder is nicer to have, especially a good one. Tough decision though.

wexmum25

sincere thank you to everyone who has replied on this thread xx

It’s really helpful, and reassuring particularly that those who have transitioned have found it work out well. My LO has picked up plenty of sickness along the way as although he is currently the only mindee, our CM has two of her own around same age so I’m not too worried on that side although I know he’ll likely pick up more (And will expect it for my youngest who would be starting age 1)

I think my uncertainty and emotions also come from a really bad experience with another crèche - where we took our one out (I know of many people who had to do similar with same place down to the owner’s behaviour) - which is how we ended up with our CM, so I think I’m also afraid of something similar although I know logically that’s unlikely in this new place

And the other side is I feel we are somehow letting our CM down.

wexmum25

Thank you that is really good advice and I’m glad your daughter adjusted well.

We are also thinking, similar to an earlier comment, that our eldest may benefit from a year in the bigger group before school in 2026.
But emotionally I think I’m finding it hard to leave

Sono

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123077281#Comment_123077281

could not agree more, many benefits of crèche v child minder, they’ll never let you down, social element is huge in my opinion and really helps them before they go to primary school. Both of mine went to creche from 1 years of age, yes there picked up bugs but they pick them up everywhere, it’s part and parcel of it.

dulpit

Just to weigh in - don't think about what's best for your child minder. At the end of the day that's a business transaction, they'll move on too.

My sister has worked as a childminder at various times and she sees children come and go. Some she gets more attached to than others, but it's still normal that it's always a time-gated type job - children grow up and move on. One thing she has done for parents who she particularly liked was offer to be a babysitter of a random evening to help the parents out - much more ad-hoc relationship then. That might be something you could do?

But at the end of the day, it very much sounds like the obvious thing to do is go with the creche, your children will adapt not a bother.

wexmum25

thank you so much- I guess we always knew they would finish with her and practically once oldest starts school we would probably need the younger in a crèche nearby as in different directions. But didn’t expect places this year as most had already said we missed out this year. So had originally made peace with financial issues but obviously this changes things.
I guess I’m so emotionally invested as we get on so well- we get Xmas and bday gifts for the kids, she goes over and above in so many ways. But I guess if it’s putting the family under strain (with the cost of two being minded) that’s when I need to prioritise…. As hard as it feels :(

StevenToast

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123077281#Comment_123077281

My point is that alot of creches will not take children in when they have a temperature over 38 degrees.

Before the age of 2, children will always be getting high temps in a creche...so you could be landed with minding them yourself instead of the childminder on unplanned random days.....

I would stick with the childminder until the kids are over 2 years old...then creche them.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123078535#Comment_123078535

You could investigate the possibility of using the child minder as a babysitter on occasion, but make the decision based on whats best for your family and your child, not the child minder.

shesty

I am dropping back in here, but just some things to consider:

Discuss the financial situation with the childminder and see what she has to say

What are your school plans for the kiddos? Would the minder potentially drive them to and from a school pickup, and do after school care, and would the creche also do this? The creche might be fine for a year or two but if it then leaves you stuck for school pick ups and after-school care, then you are back to the start again.

Go part time with the minder if the cost is an absolute sticking point.

Socially, I wouldn't be too concerned. My kids are with a minder and a flexible minder is worth their absolute weight in gold. I wouldn't be giving her up easily, to be honest.

There's nothing wrong with going the creche route, I'd just suggest thinking a little bit longer term, and around all angles of the sitation where possible, when you already have a good set up.

GreeBo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123078722#Comment_123078722

I guess the opposite is also true, when your childminder is sick or on holidays what do you do?

wexmum25

thanks- unfortunately for school neither our current CM or the potential crèche are options. She is too far away for our schools (two potentials nearby) and will need to be doing school pick ups for her own kids.
Similarly, the creche doesn’t offer afterschool.
so unfortunately for that we will need another soliton (have names down for other after schools)Which is why when eldest starts in 2026- the younger one would have to leave the minder also as the travel in two directions won’t be possible.

We’d thought also about part time but sadly our jobs won’t allow. And grandparents have said they can’t commit to 1 or 2 days a week.

We get to see the crèche next week and then will have an option conversation with CM whether we can work anything out- although I know I’ll probably be a blubbering mess