Texting/ringing while getting to know someone, how much is too much?

Cherry Wood

I am female, early 30s, single a few years. I decided to get back dating and I am not sure about what is normal and what is too much texting or ringing.

I enjoy time to myself and need time to myself but it seems like guys want constant communication.

I got chatting to what seemed like a nice guy, we swapped numbers and I told him that I prefer texting first to get to know each other but he does not like texting and prefers calls. So instead of texting. He rang me 6 times on the Sunday. Since he had my number, he also had my name and he looked me up on Facebook and added me as well which I thought was a bit odd but I did not add him.

The next day, I was in work and he knew my working hours and he sent me a text while I was in work. He didn't get a reply in 30 minutes and he started to ring me. He first rang my WhatsApp but I was in work and could not answer as my phone was in the locker, so he rang my phone like a normal call and left me a voice message. At this point, I was like no. We hadn't even met up at this stage and he seems quite clingy already.

I met someone else online, and I was straight with him from the start. I need space to myself and I do not like constant messaging. He understood, he seemed nice, so we swapped numbers. We messaged for a bit and then the next day, he messaged me and sent me the same message on the dating site in case I didn't get his message already. You really don't need another messaging platform after having my number and nothing is that urgent early on that you need to message me and message on the dating site as well.

Just wondering is all this normal behaviour now while dating someone? Or is it me just liking my own space too much? I am out so long that I do not know what is normal anymore.

drury..

Drop him immediately

LambshankRedemption

Thats way too much.

6 phone calls on sunday??

I would be running away.

I prefer to text and if possible, 1 video or voice call in the evening every other day or so. Of course people are working so a voice call is not ideal. Surely everyone understands that.

I met someone else online, and I was straight with him from the start. I need space to myself and I do not like constant messaging. He understood, he seemed nice, so we swapped numbers. We messaged for a bit and then the next day, he messaged me and sent me the same message on the dating site in case I didn't get his message already. You really don't need another messaging platform after having my number and nothing is that urgent early on that you need to message me and message on the dating site as well.

Oh no.

Just wondering is all this normal behaviour now while dating someone? Or is it me just liking my own space too much? I am out so long that I do not know what is normal anymore.

No, that is not normal behaviour in my opinion.

Im seeing someone at the moment and I know she works long hours, so I send a "Good morning, hope you have a great day". Some days we chat a bit before she starts work, sometimes not. Some days Ive not heard anything until the next day. No explanation made and none needed. Honestly if I worked her hours there would be days I would go to bed as soon as I get home from work. Which is probably what she does.

I think you have been unlucky meeting two nice but too needy guys.

Dial Hard

6 phone calls in one day is insane. Tell him thanks but no thanks now, and block him after that if needs be. I don't think I've spoken to my OH on the phone 6 times in the entire 2.5 years we've been together.

The second guy just sounds a bit John B.Keane and possibly inexperienced with it. I'd maybe reiterate that you're not always on your phone to respond instantly, and that there's no need to message you on the app too, and see if he cops on a bit. If not, thanks but no thanks again, and move on.

YellowLead

Why are you giving out your phone number? I don’t give mine until we meet and it’s exactly for that reason. You don’t need to ask what’s normal in general - what’s right for you is what matters as everybody is different. If somebody doesn’t understand or respect your boundaries then jog on.

It’s really hard to find people on the apps, I get it. But don’t settle for eejits and clingers because you want somebody - you want the right kind of person as the wrong kind will cause you more stress than being single ever would.

Padre_Pio

Dont give out your phone number or your last name until you meet for real.

Too easy to look some one up on FB and insta. Even linkedin, since it has a whole load of public info like where you work.

And yes that's far too much communication.

charlessmith22

Id only ever text/call to set up dates when getting to know someone early days. Long conversations between dates kills all passion and anticipation.

Don't care about what you think is 'normal', care about what feels right for you. And don't settle for someone that your gut is screaming at you to run from, it's usually right. Some people ignore or minimise early red flags like heavy drinkers and then complain 10 years down the line when stuck married with kids with an alcoholic. People generally don't change.

You'll meet someone compatible eventually once you stick to your expectations and don't be disheartened by the ones that aren't right for you.

watchclocker

If my partner of two decades rang me six times I'd expect someone to be dead

That's so far from normal to be concerning