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38 and never had a girlfriend

  • 29-11-2024 12:29pm
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2


    I'm 38 years old and I've never had a girlfriend and it's now really starting to get me down.

    I was always very shy around women (abd still am in a romantic sense) so that held me back but i always thought I'd become friends with a girl and eventually it would progess to a relationship. In recent years I've met a couple of women who became close friends but unfortunately they had boyfriends so friendship is all it lead to.

    Appreciate any advice and help.



Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 93 ✭✭Lauras5839


    I Even though it's scary you have to try to put yourself out there. I can only speak from my experience and how I met my BF. I was a late starter that way too and I was 34 and I joined OKCupid, it's been a good few years now so I don't know what it's like as a platform anymore but I had to wade through a lot of guys looking for one night things and I myself was really clear that I was looking for a relationship with a view to finding something that would last.

    I was so terrified on my first date I really, really nearly backed out but while I was waiting for him to arrive my sister was talking sense into me on the phone and I stayed and it was grand. I had waited for someone I found really easy to talk to so if nothing else I knew it was going to be someone I could talk to even if there were no sparks of attraction.

    I know it might be different for guys and the platform or method you prefer might be different but my advice is just try. Make it a project and even though it's scary and intimidating feel the fear and do it anyway. You definitely can do it but to get there you have to try.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭Sunny Disposition


    Focus on yourself more than developing a relationship. If the shyness is v intense try to wok on that. Nothing necessarily wrong with not having had a relationship but if there are underlying issues that have held you back then address them.

    Are you generally happy in life?



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2 JoseFlanders123


    I guess I'm happy enough outside of this issue, although I wasn't for a long while but I went to a therapist for a couple of years and that helped me alot and brought about some great improvements in my life.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 3,318 ✭✭✭DellyBelly


    Maybe if you are overweight losing some kilos may help...although people say looks don't count i think they do....



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 2,922 ✭✭✭Sunny Disposition


    If you still have the issue with shyness maybe going to the therapist again would help?



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,968 ✭✭✭growleaves


    Read up on Exposure Therapy and the book Feel The Fear and Do It Anyway.

    Breaking through your shyness to come out the other side is doable but not easy. The TL;DR of "Feel the Fear…" is you have to force yourself to expand your comfort zone despite how difficult it feels in the moment. It gets easier with practice though.

    It's like you have an emotional muscle and you have to break it down and then build it up again.

    If I were you I'd be going to every party and night out you can; don't turn down any social invitations for the next 6-12 months. Try to just talk to as many women as you can. Try to build general social comfort to start with, then later you can get flirty. Try to talk in groups also.

    Be brave and don't let life pass you by. Good luck.

    Also:

    Sometimes social anxiety can be a by-product of low dopamine so you could look into your diet and add certain healthy foods, supplements and exercises that will help boost your dopaminergic system. A nutritionist can give you advice about this.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 460 ✭✭Rooks


    If you are near an urban centre I'd recommend joining lots of social groups, such as hiking/walking groups, amateur drama, etc. That way you'll meet a lot more women in a setting that isn't about romance and the chances of you befriending a lady that might lead to romance is increased with these groups. As a bonus, it'll get you out more and you'll make more friends.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 60 ✭✭_Quilombero_


    Hope it works out. at least you havent wasted years in pointless relationships which is what a lot of people do. Dont lose hope OP there is no doubt someone out there for you!



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 11,101 ✭✭✭✭J Mysterio


    I had my first genuinely serious relationship at 36, and got married to that person two years later.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 780 ✭✭✭ledwithhedwith


    I mean you only need the one, I’m early 30s and have had 5/6 but single so same position as yourself really!



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