Handed in my notice

med020

Hi, looking for a bit of advice on the below situation …

I recently handed in my notice at a job where I've worked for the past 2.5 years. I'm leaving for a better-paying position, and while I’ve enjoyed my time here, I’ve been feeling undervalued and just haven’t been enjoying the work anymore.

During my time at this job, I became friends with a co-worker who is much older than me. We've spent time together outside of work and have been in regular contact. I thought of them as a friend, even though they are technically my supervisor. However, over the past few months, they've become really nitpicky about minor things and have been difficult to work with. This has made the work environment unpleasant for me.

For some context, I actually handed in my notice three months ago, but this co-worker convinced me to stay (I guess I’m a bit of a pushover). I’ve regretted staying ever since. When I recently handed in my notice again and told this co-worker, their response was a cold “okay” and “when’s your last day?” I know I might be a bit sensitive, but I was expecting a warmer reaction. Now, they're giving me the silent treatment, only saying "hi" and "bye."

I don't want to burn any bridges and have given the required notice. Any advice on how to handle this situation?

med020

I should add that this co-worker is not my manager. So when I handed in my notice, I handed it into my manager before telling them. I don't know if this is what upset them.

JVince

So what's the issue?

You get people like this in every workplace. Their issue, not yours.

If they want to know your last day - tell them to ask your manager.

med020

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556771#Comment_122556771

The issue is that I'm being ignored by a supposed friend.

Vestiapx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556782#Comment_122556782

WWork Friends aren't like real friends

emo72

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556782#Comment_122556782

Look, there's nothing you can do about that. Just be thankful you'll be gone soon. People can be rude, it's an unavoidable part of life. But equally you can ignore him too. So don't sweat it, he is a dick. Feck him

Tork

You mentioned that you're a bit of a pushover. I wonder did that feed into the relationship you had with this colleague? The age, power and personality differences may have made them think they held some sway over you. Perhaps they were a bit controlling as well and it's something you didn't notice. That might explain why they're now annoyed at you - you bypassed them the second time around when you handed in your notice.

As said already, work friends aren't like real friends. That doesn't mean that you can't form lasting friendships with colleagues but these ongoing connections tend to be rare. Most of the time you will drift quite quickly and on the law of averages, that's exactly what would've happened here. Leaving that aside, why would you want to stay friends with somebody who has made your workplace uncomfortable for you? You didn't do anything wrong yet you're being punished for it.

It's good that you're working out your notice and that you'll soon be leaving this person behind. You will lose contact with them and that's for the best. They don't sound like they're particularly nice as a colleague or as a friend and that's something you might think about when you've moved on. In the meantime, don't bother trying to extend the hand of friendship or conciliation to them. Be polite but leave it at that.

JVince

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556782#Comment_122556782

Not a friend then.

And it's their problem if they behave like a spoilt child.

Forget it and move on.

witchgirl26

If they're acting like this, then they're being a bit immature (despite their age) as maybe they're disappointed that you're leaving or it's highlighting to them that they should have left before too & explored other opportunities but didn't. Either way it's their issue, not yours. Does it suck when you thought they were a real friend? Yes but doesn't mean you should do anything to try and fix it. Be polite & head off when your time is up.

Pauliedragon

As mentioned above just because your friendly at work with someone doesn't make them " friends" IMO. Some of my closest friends I have met through work but I worked with them for years and we socialised outside of work and became good friends that way.

Rescue Blues

I've had silent treatment in the work place without hi and goodbye!

LimeFruitGum

They're not your friend, but I get that you feel let down, only natural. They were probably being nice to you because it helped get the job done.

Ted222

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556730#Comment_122556730

It doesn’t really matter either way.

Friendships can have certain lifespans and they sometimes just come to an end. It’s nobody’s fault.

Don’t apologise if you’ve done nothing to apologise for. Be civil with the person but conscious that the friendship isn’t what it was.

Don’t burn your bridges with this person but don’t feel you necessarily have to resolve matters before you go.

miamee

Do you regularly help them with their work? Will they have more work to do when you leave? Are they as unhappy there as you are but just haven't made a move? Any or all of these things could cause them to feel resentful but that is not your problem. As others have pointed out, work friends are very often just that and once your common bond of the workplace is removed, the friendship fizzles out.

Kurooi

My advice is to be more determined in the future. You handed in your notice but stayed ? Did you get that stay agreed with manager or HR in writing? because why would you put yourself in a situation where your employer can actually turn around and say nah you gave us notice you're out as of last Friday. And now you served a second notice? What?

Stick to your guns and power through with the second notice. Have a chat with your actual real manager about leaving date, and what you might do about any remaining annual leave etc. You can also reason with them to let you out early, you have after all given them ample time by now to deal with your departure, your manager doesn't have to grant that, but if they do get it in writing. Get them to acknowledge and confirm the last day in writing. Respect that commitment and stick to it.

Oscar_Madison

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122556784#Comment_122556784

This 1000%

OP- Yes you can make true friends for life via work- but in general many or most “friendships” tend to be temporary at best - see them more as alliances - I’ve seen many apparently good work friendships dissolve very quickly when the going gets tough in work - some have truely surprised me how quickly and badly they ended - I tend to be respectful in work and keep colleagues at arms length in general - I never see “getting on well” with a colleague in the same way that I view “getting on well” with a non work colleague and I rarely view it as a “friendship”