Dreading parents visit

Lisn

My parents are coming for the weekend. They live 5 hours away and gave me 2 days notice of this trip. I had annual leave this weekend as I normally work weekends I had the days planned.
When they rang and asked to stay they had already told my siblings they would be over and made plans to see them so I couldn't say no. I'm the only one with my own place so they can't stay with my siblings.
Everytime I visit they just sit all day complaining and criticising.
They ask me if I made any plans when I am in their place in the middle of nowhere where I know nobody but them. I always say I'm here to spend time with you and suggest an activty they always say no. They then always get furious that I didn't arrange to meet a friend (this is not the place I grew up I don't know anyone).
Then they go to their room leave me alone.
Then the stay is over and they get mad that I'm leaving despite me spending 2 days with them only for them to be on their phones the entire time.
This is the first time they will sleep at my house and I'm really feeling angry and anxious. Usually when they visit me they cannot wait to leave and won't even agree to lunch together (usually they complain about the traffic or weather being the problem). I know if I make a plan to do something with them they will get mad and complain the entire time and if I don't make plans they will get mad and call boring and be kind of rude to me.
I know I need to get over losing my annual leave and plans but I'm still mad about it and I just feel so anxious about having them in my house.
Does anyone else relate or have advice?

whelan2

Tell them you've covid

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122535492#Comment_122535492

Or tell them you have other long standing plans. Tell them they're welcome to stay but, that you won't be around to entertain or chauffeur them

kabakuyu

Get the number of a local hotel for them .

Princess Calla

So they already had made plans with your siblings but couldn't be arsed making plans with you!

They took it for granted that you'd be working as your usual routine....ie wouldn't be around.

You could play this two ways....say deadly I'm off too what are WE doing and absolutely scupper any alone time they had planned with your siblings...... extremely hard to say no to a host.

Or you could say the truth, you had plans having guests doesn't suit. Then as above recommend a hotel.

I suspect the sibling is the golden child and OP is a scapegoat.

tea and coffee

Do your plans and pretend you're working. They'll never know if you're not in the house.

Jim_Hodge

I feel there's a bigger issue here than parents visiting. The OPs entire relationship with thier parents, and possibly siblings, sounds decidedly strained and unhealthy.

YellowLead

If you have plans then just continue with the plans. Let your parents stay if you like but you don’t have to bother with them much, as you have plans.
You don’t have to be the poor put upon forever - stand up for yourself a bit and don’t let it get to you. Yeah they are family and generally need to be tolerated, but you shouldn’t be in a panic over them.

thefa

Myself and my wife had a similar thing happen recently. We only bought our house earlier this year. My wife’s home is a little over 2 hours.

My mother in law can be quite self centered and, from my perspective, plays some of her kids against each other. Her husband passed away in the last couple of years and part of the fallout was my wife doesn’t get on with her sister.

Basically my mother in law asks my wife can she come done on one afternoon to stay the night and collect the sister from an early flight from an airport a lot nearer to us. This would be her first visit to the house.

In all fairness to my wife, she called her out on it and it looked like it wasn’t going to happen. Eventually the mother talked to a friend about it and rang and apologized to my wife. She ended up staying for two nights and my wife took a full day off to hang out together and they had a good time.

I think one of the main difference is there was a good one months notice in this case as opposed to yours but it might be worth letting some of your feelings known to your parents. There needs to be more in maintaining the relationship as you seem to put in a lot of effort in comparison.