Upset by housing

birdonhead

I'm really not ok.

Father of my children just moved out 4 months ago

He has a history of cheating and I was spiralling mentally. He is paying bare minimum towards the kids and we were looking to buy in a few years but slow going as we were paying usual high rents. He cheated again and I had to ask him to leave it was the 4th time caught. It was too much for me.

Were about to start mediation and I've shared all the outgoings to him to show where all the money goes and what kind of half payments he'll need to make. What we had in savings is split but only comes to 5k each and I've already gone into it for car repairs

His new girlfriend he was cheating with lives in council housing and I don't think he's on the lease as he's refused to engage in any kind of financial transparency when I asked him about back to school costs etc and why he couldn't pay.

I'm so angry. I'm on my own with 4 children. Will probably never buy now. And will keep renting at huge costs but he gets to pay whatever little it is compared to me (he is on average industrial wage around 48k) all while saying he can only afford 150 a week on maintenance Nothing else. I'm tempted to tell the council he lives there but I know that's just vindictiveness but it's horrible he's living so cheap while not caring about his children. I make slightly less than him but at our current rent it was hard to save. The children are under 10 as well and we returned to Ireland so they could be near family I'm just so upset by it all

patrickc

I'm sorry to hear this, it's a horrible situation to be in. first and foremost seek legal advice.

Go the court route if necessary to make sure you get the financial assistance you need for the kids/ house etc

xyz13

Be aware he won't pay half of your rent plus half the children expenses.

If mediation don't work out, let a judge decide (be prepared to wait 3+ months for a hearing date, depending on your location).

https://mymind.org/

watchclocker

Sorry that you're dealing with this.

Bring him to court. Get yourself on local authority housing list and then apply for HAP to help with rent. I don't know ins and outs but sounds like single parent with not a high income you'd qualify.

spaceHopper

Apply for all social welfare you can get, hap, lone parents allowance… get on the housing list in your area. Apply for free legal aid. He has to live too so if you go to court the judge will take that into account. Talk to you solicitor about what we will likely have to pay compared to what he is paying now. Is it a fight you want to have.

Don't tell on him, if you do he'll have less money and that will only make things harder for you in the long run. He's living with his new girlfriend now but will that last if he's a cheater he'll do it to her too.

Can you get him to take the kids for half the week even two nights, then at least you have a break and he's feeding them for 3 days.

Xterminator

hi op

look after yourself and your children. ensure you battle for and get everything you are entiled to. HAP & allowances like https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/social-welfare/families-and-children/one-parent-family-payment/

Fight for proper maintenece for your children in court.

But stop worrying about his partners housing situation and the fact she has social housing& her lease etc. thats a rabbit hole your better not going down. Stop worrying about anything past your partner paying his fair share for your children.

Some advice here on going to court, if mediation doesnt work etc.

https://www.citizensinformation.ie/en/birth-family-relationships/separation-and-divorce/separation-and-divorce-children/#l71ec0

con___manx1

GeT yourself on the housing list people like yourself are the ones who should be getting it first.