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STRUGGLING WITH KIDS

  • 26-07-2024 8:49am
    #1
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭


    Looking for a bit of advice here. Have two kids, a two year old and a new born. I seem to struggling a bit since the new baby arrived. Been snapping at my partner and two year old for no reason. I don't know if its because of my age (became a dad for the first time at 45) or just down to tiredness. Also been feeling down the last few weeks and I am not the kind of person that feels comfortable talking to anyone about my feelings. Any bit of advice would be great



Comments

  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 499 ✭✭Green Mile


    Adjusting to life with a newborn is tough, especially when you have another young child to care for. The combination of sleep deprivation, the demands of parenting, and the changes in your family dynamics can be overwhelming.

    It’s not unusual to feel more irritable or down during this time, and it doesn’t reflect on your abilities as a parent or partner. Remember, it’s okay to acknowledge that this is hard. Sometimes just recognizing the struggle can be a big step.

    Try to find small moments for self-care, even if it’s just a few minutes a day. Communicating with your partner about how you're feeling might also help, even if it’s just to let them know you’re struggling a bit. They might be feeling similarly and it could open a door to mutual support.

    If you ever feel that talking to someone might help, even though it feels uncomfortable, it could provide some relief. There are also online communities and resources for dads that can offer support and advice from those who’ve been through similar experiences.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Dano650


    I really appreciate your advice. I just hate snapping at my partner and child. I am usually quiet and hate upsetting people. I can see the upset in my child's eyes when I snap at them and it hurts me seeing them like that. I just think trying to look after two kids will need time to get use too. Our two year old is full on but in a good way. Just full of energy. I use to look forward to when they went to bed so I could just sit down in front of the TV with a cuppa and relax. Now when there gone to bed the baby is due a feed and you don't have as much time now to having that relaxing few hours. I am going to book an appointment to see my doctor next week and see what they say.



  • Moderators, Recreation & Hobbies Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,915 Mod ✭✭✭✭shesty


    Do talk to someone.

    2 kids are exhausting.Newborns are exhausting, throw a toddler in on top and you don't have a second.

    The mantra for every mother of babies is "it will get better" and it will.Same mantra applies to dads.Promise, I am 3 kids a bit further down the line.😃The newborn is change, and we struggle with change, even if we have done it before.

    The one thing I will say to you that means you are further along the road to change than you realise, is that you can see it.You are looking at your own behaviour, noticing it and thinking "I have to change that".That's a huge thing, you would not believe how many people would just keep going like that and not even notice it.

    Taking a deep breath when you want to snap and making yourself respond differently is a massive cliche but....it works.Again...got the tshirt on that one myself too (thanks covid lockdowns).Instead of snapping back when you hear "Daaaaad", take that breath and wait a sec before responding.It helps you respond just that little bit more calmly, and over time that becomes habit.

    Everything is harder when you are tired, and that includes parenting.Do speak to someone - but hold on to the hope that you are in the trenches right now, and it will improve.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 13,663 ✭✭✭✭Flinty997


    Get someone to help out. Another pair of hands is massive help.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 253 ✭✭SmallgirlBigcity


    Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. Fair play for noticing your behavior. I found becoming a parent difficult and me and my partner made sure we each got time alone when possible, just to unwind and destress. I know it's harder with two kids but if you can even have an hour a day to unwind, that might really help. And its important to do the same for your partner so they can have time to themselves too. Best of luck, hope things improve.



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  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 230 ✭✭Dano650


    Thanks everyone for your replies. Things have improved over the last few weeks. Visited my doctor a few weeks ago and also sat down with my partner and told her how I felt. Speaking to her lifted a weight of my shoulders. She has been great. Haven't been snapping with either her or the kids so that has been great. Getting an hour to myself everyday has been a great help too. Been getting out for a run or walk has been helpful.



  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]


    Try to get out for some exercise. A good walk at the end of day is all you need, or whatever you prefer.

    Reduces stress massively.



  • Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 55 ✭✭Eldudeson


    The fact that you asked here for advice and also sought help is great on your part. Keeping things bottled up is the worst you can do.

    Keep going with the run/walks. They're as important for the brain as well as the body.

    Also, as SmallgirlBigCity said, just make sure your partner gets the same small time out whenever possible. We were at that stage 5 years ago and it really is a team effort. The fatigue really grinds on you in the early days.



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