Feeling awkward

Airyfairy12

Deleted

yagan

When you say he said he'd cover the cost of the hotel and flights had you agreed a budget for that together?

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379404#Comment_122379404

No, he wanted to go and I said I couldnt afford it at the minute, he booked them for a surprise

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379412#Comment_122379412

Maybe he had to have a rethink about his finances and felt he might have over committed. Is the newer booking cheaper than the original hotel?

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379427#Comment_122379427

delete

JoChervil

Well, say from your side it would be McDonald's and one drink a day then…

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379439#Comment_122379439

Fair enough.

Is there anyway you two could compromise with something that less pricy than the first without the negatives of the second?

I don't think he'd mind if you asked if you'd like something nearer.

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379457#Comment_122379457

I asked and he did mind, he said its already paid for and he cant get a refund

I dont want to go anymore tbh, im that upset

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379470#Comment_122379470

Ah crap.

Have you expressed your bathroom privacy issues with him? It might never have entered his head.

SteM

Like a lot of new relationships, you just haven't learned to communicate properly yet. If you're not comfortable going then tell him, no point in going on the trip and being miserable. Neither of you will enjoy it then.

Airyfairy12

delete

JoChervil

OP, you don't have to go. He didn't include you in a decision making, so he took a risk.

Pauliedragon

You won't enjoy yourself or relax OP which is the point of a holiday. You have to have a difficult converstion with him. If you go it will only cause friction between the 2 of you if you can't relax.

wildwillow

Lots of red flags there. He's taking control, not listening to you or consulting you, making you uncomfortable and then getting angry. I'd rethink the whole relationship and wouldn't go on the holiday.

Tell me how

It's not ideal, and unfortunately, its really just down to poor communication which is something lots of couples have to experience.

If you don't go, he'll be upset, probably, if you do go, you'll be upset, probably.

Would it be an option to not go, but to go somewhere in Ireland for a night away and you maybe pay for the accommodation given he is out of pocket already.

If you guys can talk through this and stay together, its a sign of a strong foundation in the relationship, but it is a situation that could often be a precursor to a split, particularly in a younger relationship.

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379584#Comment_122379584

He just got huffy and said he'd go by himself, he didnt communicate with me through the entire process, I know he's paying and I appreciate it but it would have been nice to be considered.

Tell me how

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379596#Comment_122379596

If he's reacting in this way, and means it, a parting of the ways might be best for you both.

His idea was well intentioned, and he probably feels he did consider you in paying for it, but you're valid in not feeling as if you were involved.

You seem pretty secure in your own thought process and logic, I wouldn't necessarily see anything you 'should' change in this respect. It's tough, but things like this are part of learning how to live life.

Tefral

When people show you what they are like, believe them!!

This isnt gonna get better for you.

yagan

At best he probably thought the city break was more important than the hotel, and at worst he's shown disrespect by not consulting you about changing the hotel.

Just because he said he'd paid for it doesn't give him control over where ye stay, it is after all a couples trip.

It's not about him being cheap, it's about him not being respectful. I'd tell him go with a friend and he can watch his friend take a dump in the hotel room.

Airyfairy12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379651#Comment_122379651

Its not about the money at all, thanks for being understanding.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379573#Comment_122379573

This, 100%. The fact that he's reacting repeatedly with anger to your entirely reasonable concerns about the new hotel is extremely concerning. What's his temper like in general? Is he always a bit like this if he doesn't get his way?

I think you have a lot to think about here, tbh.

standardg60

He booked a lovely hotel close to the centre and great reviews. Then out of the blue he sent a message with a link to a different hotel he'd already gone ahead and booked and cancelled the other one. 

Seems to me he decided you weren't worth the original hotel anymore OP. That's the message I'd be getting.

juno10353

This is a new relationship where he seems to want to control the situation and not discuss in advance, then gets annoyed if not agreed with. This for me would be red flags everywhere. Run girl

Augme

I can see why he's been angry. Getting a free holiday and then being pissed because he didn't get you an expensive hotel because you couldn't be arsed travelling on public transport strikes me as a fairly self-entitled attitude. The toilet thing I can somewhat understand, but it also seems like a really easy thing to compromise on/work around too with a bit of adult communication.

extra-ordinary_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379754#Comment_122379754

lol

Meeoow

Much better to go halves or don't go. At the end of the day, he booked this cause he wants to go, even though you can't afford it. So he is really being selfish.

tohaltuwi

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122379651#Comment_122379651

Sounds like a prison experience to me. No way would I be comfortable with that, I’d be telling him to get outta the room during that process and I’d be leaving the room with him taking a dump in front of me. Time enough when you get to the nursing g home stage.

JoChervil

OP, he booked nice hotel to bait you. When you agreed to go and cover other costs, he then cut his expenses.

It reminds me a situation, when a guy offers to pay for the first night and take a girl to a rubbish hotel and then chooses the most expensive one, when the partner is supposed to pay for.

The fact that you are paying for drinks and meals doesn't mean, you will pay less. It might occur quite expensive.

When I am going anywhere, we just set a kitty money and cover all expenses with it.

Airyfairy12

Its really not about money at all, but thanks for the replies.

YellowLead

I think the only way around these things is to go 50/50 or don’t go at all. Though he doesn’t seem like he cares too much, if he did what he did. I’d be recommending moving on.

xyz13

Who pays for what when he is at your place? And vice versa?

Did you explain to him I can't afford now but we can go in X months? And he had no patience to wait for your timeframe?

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122380005#Comment_122380005

No idea why posters can't see this, he's fixed his costs to the bare minimum and is now about to ride the OP for meals and drinks.

That was the intention all along, no wonder he's getting angry when the OP disagrees.

Run.

SteM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/122380054#Comment_122380054

You've mentioned that a few times, but do you mean it's not about money from your point of view or from his point of view? What did he say when you asked him why he had changed hotel?

It must be about money in some sense, you've already said you couldn't really afford to go.

Hannibal_Smith

As the OP has deleted their post I'll close this off now.

Thanks to all who took the time to offer advice.

All the best OP

HS