Friendship issues

Benthere

I'm 54. I have had mental health issues. Addiction spin offs

I keep in touch with about 15 people.

Most I try to see once a year.

I have lost a few friends because of my issues. Lost it with them. Neurotic etc

I have recently probably lost a college friend. We were not that close.

I'm working on my issues

But I think it's time just not to bother with people that much. Because of the above but also because as I get older I don't want to travel outside my town. I have a few pals I meet here once a month.

I think it's enough for me.

I need to get a better handle of my life.

I'm just wondering how many people do you keep in touch with.???

I need to emphasise that I'm not all bad with people. I'm generally a good friend and have no difficulty with the majority.

NiceFella

The number of your friendships shouldn't matter a whole lot. If you value a friend then you should try your best to hold on to that friendship. Losing a friend generally doesn't just happen, and sometimes it's nothing you can do about it. For me I have many tenuous friends who I'm not majorly close with and few strong friends who I'd do almost anything for.

Too many people expect that the other person puts in the work to the friendship and at some point it goes astray. If you value someone as a friend, be sure to be a good friend to them.

Ted222

I think it’s dangerous to fall into the trap of not to bother with people because it’s becoming inconvenient. I think you need to fight that urge with everything you have and, on the contrary, make all reasonable efforts to stay in touch.

As the other poster has said, don’t expect others to do all the running but equally don’t flog a dead horse if your efforts to stay in touch haven’t been met in kind.

I’m a similar vintage to yourself and I find it’s really important to have a social circle. It’s more difficult to make new friends as you get older so hang on to the ones you have (as long as you like them of course).

And has been said, it’s the quality rather than the quantity of friends that really matters.

Benthere

I just need to be careful. I can be neurotic.

I also don't enjoy people as much as before.

I hate travelling into Dublin.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - As this seems to be more a discussion rather than a thread seeking advice, moved to TGL.

Local charter now applies.

Kurooi

Well I'm 30 and I've maybe 5 close friends? You're pretty good there, even if you're not as close dedicating time at least once a year to 15 people is pretty respectable. It's hard to do that with all the things in life.

Also hate Dublin, honestly it has become a pretty hostile place to hang out lots of bad seed on the streets. A hive of drugs too so small wonder a past addict might feel uncomfortable too. I've even made an effort to meet outside of Dublin go to local spots for meetups just to avoid the city.

rob316

Depends on the rest of your life, do you have a partner, kids? Im 37, I've friends I was attached at the hip to in my 20s but we are all just so busy now. I do at least once a year go on a lads weekend in Europe, great way to blow off some steam over the border!

Benthere

I have a marriage going down the tubes. One kid. But these issues are not important to this topic

I think the main thing for me is I'm less sociable as I get older. Plus with the mental health issue I find friends problematic at times

Oscar_Madison

Some good advice in some of the opening posts - it’s getting that balance right between making the effort to keep the friendship going and consciously deciding that you’re better off without that person .

As people grow older many but not all, get more insular - they socialise with fewer people - drifting apart is just one of those things I guess - I’ve very rarely consciously decided to cut contact with someone - but I’ve had to on occasion - I just felt I did all the running, was getting little or nothing in return - maybe I’m slow on the uptake but was happy with my decision and would essentially ignore some of these people now if I saw them.

That’s different to losing touch- I’d happily receive someone I liked in the past but just lost touch due to life getting in the way.

Quay_Koncept

Ide be similar to Oscar above, would consider myself a good friend however I noticed with many friends I was the one making all the calls and texts and organising things it was very one sided. Over months years I noticed I was the only one reaching out. One summer I decided to not contact any of them again and to see who would reach out to me……. Not one person did! That was 4 years ago. They are able to contact me if they wish but never bothered. Im happy doing my own thing now to be honest !