Preparing for Children

keevz

Myself and my fiance are preparing to buy our first house together but cannot decide on where to settle down. I live and work in Meath and he lives and works in Roscommon and we are currently commuting to see each other.
This house will be where we decide to start our family and me coming from a big family here in Meath, think we should live beside my family as support when there are kiddies in the picture.
My finance being a man that has never been exposed to young children, pregnancies or any aspect of this world just can’t wrap his head around why we need a support system around us. He comes from a very small family so when I say having loads of family around will be so important for our future children and for me (I will be the one that takes time out of work so he will return to work after a few weeks into birth of our first child) he just will not listen to me.

He is being so stubborn because he wants to stay within a commutable distance to his job in Roscommon. He has a really good job but there are others out there, a job isn’t half as important as family in my opinion. In his mind, a well paid job is more important than a good family system.

I basically need anyone with stories about their experience with having children to help me out because he might listen to peoples actual experiences. He is just allergic to listening to me I think.

Cheers!

Kurooi

That's a 2 hour drive, 4 hours both ways. So it's absurd to argue someone spends 20 hours of their week commuting. That kid won't have a dad, for the first few years they'll be fast asleep by the time dad is even home, is that the dream? . Inquiring whether that's a forever job or whether other better opportunities exist near Meath might make sense, that'd be my opinion.

I'm fine raising a kid without a support system, have a 10 month old, and he hasn't spent 5 minutes not being supervised by either mother or father. That'd be my experience.

Charles Babbage

I suggest that apart from being allergic to listening to you, he is also a bit intimidated at being in the middle of large family. Lots of stories here about similar situations where the in laws are always dropping in without notice.

That said, Meath is well situated for a range of employments, family support is indeed valuable and it can be good for children to have cousins etc nearby.

chooey

I have 2 young children and would be lost without family support. My kids see their cousins pretty much daily which is great for them and as we’re both working full time it’s amazing to have help if we need it though we do 99% of all the dropping/collecting ourselves

herbalplants

Go with Meath 100%

HazeDoll

I don't think this is a 'where should we live' question. I think this is a question about whether you and your fiance are on the same page with regards to your future.

Maybe he's not willing to be swamped by your large family. Sometimes people who grew up in large families have very loose boundaries when it comes to privacy. I couldn't handle the sort of intrusions that some of my friends think are perfectly normal.

Maybe he doesn't think kids are in your immediate future, or he doesn't think he'll play much of a part in their upbringing. This might be a real compatibility issue.

Maybe he's having second thoughts about the whole thing. This might just be a convenient issue to argue over.

You need to force this conversation. If he won't participate then you have your answer.