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Maintenace & Mortgage contribution

  • 29-02-2024 12:36pm
    Registered Users Posts: 1

    My ex husband and I are separated 14 months after 25 years married, he moved out of the family home and is renting (by choice) in an affluent area of Dublin which is selfish & not shocking as that is how he behaves nothing matters but him. He even lied to me about paying his parents €1,200 per month when he lived there for the first few months anything to not pay towards his kids.

    He is paying €750 per month maintenance for 3 children, (he is not involved in their lives at all I am 100% single parent no help) and half any health/educational expenses but not a penny towards the mortgage or house insurance. That works out at €62.50 per week per child which at his salary is not excessive and it is what I asked for anyway as I don't want to rinse someone but I want him to face reality.

    I work fulltime decent salary which is so hard to manage with 3 kids to get to and from school/college etc you cannot expect an employer to be understanding of your personal circumstances all of the time but if something happens or an appointment I have to go. My weekly expenses are huge and things just keep popping up on top of utilities, groceries etc.

    He earns almost double my annual (good sized) salary and I did up a calculation of what he should pay towards the mortgage and what I should pay based on our net pay per month. Him & his solicitor have ignored that and I had to get a court order for maintenance to make sure it gets paid as he wanted to lower that to. He cancelled the DD for the mortgage the day he left and stopped paying, he thought giving me €400 towards a mortgage of €2k per month was acceptable it is not. He did the same with the house insurance cancelled that on top of lying about how much it was as the new policy I have covers everything and is not €200 per month.

    The mortgage fell into arrears for a few months when the bomb went off so to speak as I got sick with stress and could not work & was in a bad place mentally trying to cope, got the kids into counselling had to be here all the time for them for the first while then but pulled myself back together within 4 months back to work started paying what I could off the mortgage and still am. All is fine with the bank no worries about then coming after me they worked with me and have been very good. He has not put a penny off the arrears him and his solicitor said that is my responsibility and that he is "concerned" about the roof over his kids heads but won't be paying. This has to be illegal/wrong.

    When we were together, he paid the mortgage and never shut up about it it was awful like we should be on our knees thanking him, but I paid the utilities, shopping, all kids stuff, vhi etc but that didn't matter apparently I was the useless one he was the hero mortgage payer. He got us into arrears so many times over the years he seems to forget that part and that is why the repayment is so high it had to be recapitalised but I never told anyone maybe I should have spoken out years ago.

    He has expensive hobbies, holidays and a social life while he has basically abandoned his family physically & financially. We are a lot happier since he left and I would not change a thing the kids never want him back here they said the house is a home again which makes every sacrifice worth while.

    I need to know is this right he is getting away with not paying a penny towards a joint mortgage?, making out that his living expenses take priority, yes he has to live but we all have choices and putting on a show to cover up the state you left your family in is a joke at this stage.

    He went on holidays for Xmas and didn't send his kids so much as a Xmas Card. He is in a new relationship to that is more important spending money on a stranger than his kids. His attitude is the kids have his number if they want to contact him he is not "chasing" them. His words.

    Where do I stand here have I a right to enforce he pays towards the mortgage on top of maintenance. I am outside of threshold to get legal aid and I cannot afford a solicitor at the moment and he refuses to do mediation yet can pay a solicitor who I beat in court 4 times already as regards maintenance they tried to bully me into agreeing to his terms but I refused and got what I wanted but the mortgage is a massive issue. He is bitter about what happened and why he had to leave and he wants us homeless he even said at one stage we should have moved out and went to the council and he would move back in himself and pay the mortgage so it is not about what is right it is about painting a picture to make him look like the victim.

    I know separated/divorced Dads that are paying the full mortgage, maintenance, have 50/50 custody etc so how is he getting away with this it really is my fault I need to get tougher I just feel the less engagement with him the better.


  • Registered Users Posts: 1 MSkelly83

    If you have a joint mortgage with a partner, each person owns an equal share of the property. This means that if you split up, you each have the right to remain living there. It also means you're equally responsible for the mortgage repayments. If your partner doesn’t pay his share unfortunately it falls on you to make the shortfall as it’s the risk you sign up to with a joint mortgage. It will go against him when he looks for a credit line again. If use can’t come to an agreement your option is to probably sell up the property to pay off the mortgage, and split whatever money is left, then maybe downsize and get a smaller mortgage on your own.