Thanks

clarerose

Thanks everyone

Hannibal_Smith

Well OP, I think you should step back a bit. This relationship with your sister in law is ruining your marriage to the point a recent argument about her has you sleeping in separate beds. Your husband, going by your last thread, has been extremely supportive to you regarding your issues with your sister in law. If things got so bad this time that your relationship is impacted it's only natural that he would seek support from someone. Granted telling his parents everything wasn't the greatest of ideas, but no one hands you a manual on how to handle upset and I would take a breath before being too hard on him.

I think you need to work on a way of living in the same family as your sister in law and stop letting your issues with her damaged your marriage.

zoobizoo

Hard thing to deal with.

He was trying to solve the issue by the sounds of it and presumably so your marriage would get back on track.

My wife doesn't get on with my sister and vice versa - it's a really hard and stressful position to be in and causes issues for us; family occasions, kids get-togethers etc

Maybe his parents will see things a bit clearer now and will understand the situation better.

It's not nice to have your position exposed without prior knowledge.

What is he saying now? He was probably feeling so much pressure that he resorted to this strategy.

YellowLead

What happened that he painted you in a bad light in to protect the sister? Were you completely without fault?

In a way I can see his reasoning, he is likely trying to keep the peace and telling his parents about all of this so they don’t arrange lunches where you are both present seems sensible. If you are arguing with the sister in law I’m sure she knows that you don’t like her.

I do think it would have been better had your husband invited you to join the conversation with his parents so you could tell your side/perspective. But would you have been willing?

zoobizoo

I just read your other thread.

It is right that he told his parents about your family background in order for them to understand how your sister in law's behaviour is unacceptable.

He's working towards a solution.

Are you just presuming that his parents now think this way about you?

Murt2024

I presume your 100% innocent in all this? Your making a mountain out of nothing and can see why your husband is annoyed. He's obviously realized something about your marriage and you as a person.

You don't have to talk to the sister in law. Your making things very stressful for your husband when there's no need to make it awakward. Just be polite to the sister in law and be the bigger person.

Its nearly like your making your husband choose between you and his family.

Your coming across likes its all about me, me, me, me ,me.

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Warned: Posts falls very short of the standard expected in this forum.

YellowLead

Ah I remember your other thread, had a look back. Why is all of this so urgent? Have you talked to a counsellor at all? It seems irrational how big a deal you are making of all of this, you shouldn’t let one person affect you, you don’t have to live with her, just forget about it and focus on your marriage.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058335588/urgent-help-needed-husband-told-his-family-i-dont-like-them-behind-my-back

It's true that when you married your husband that you also married into his family.

But you're married first and foremost to your husband, not your sister in law. She's well down the pecking order.

So when you say "I understand that he bizzarely meant well" - just believe it and trust that he was trying to sort matters out as best he thought.

Big Bag of Chips

You are allowing your SIL to cause trouble in your marriage. You are giving her exactly what she wants. Drama and conflict. Your husband, by your own admission seems to be trying his best to smooth a difficult situation. He sounds like a good man caught in an impossible situation.

In your last thread you mention that you grew up in a house with your parents always fighting. Do you think you may have brought that "normal" into your own marriage? It was a horrible atmosphere for you to grow up in, but it's also a familiar atmosphere for you so maybe you turn back towards that when times get tough.

I'd see this as a positive. Now you don't ever have to be in your SIL's company again. Ever. You don't have to go to lunches. You don't have to attend "family events". Let your husband go as the representative from your family and you do something much nicer and more relaxing - like waxing your bikini or something 😉

Make peace with your husband tonight. Do not let his sister end your marriage. It is perfectly possible to continue your marriage without having any relationship with his sister, and minimal relationship with his parents if you wish. I hope you are getting some support for your traumatic upbringing. Because if you don't you will carry the scars of it and it will impact all your relationships, the most important one being your marriage.

Hannibal_Smith

OP deleted, thread closed in the circumstances.