Having a crisis abroad

All that fandango

Hi all

I made the move to Australia almost 3 months ago and this week everything about the place not going to plan has kind of come to a head for me. I had awful luck getting hospitality work here while I waited for my teacher registration to come through (you must be in the country to register). I didnt mind working in hospitality or retail for the few weeks. But unfortunately despite all the CVs handed out and managers asked, I never got part time work. I had plenty of experience in hospitality before retraining as a teacher.

I really feel the weight of being alone over here affecting me (and this is coming from someone who really loved their alone time when I lived in Ireland!).

I am devastated at the money spent that I saved hard for to make this an enjoyable experience. Even if I only stayed half a year, I wanted to come home to Ireland with my head held high knowing I went out and worked hard even for a few months. Now I face coming home to Ireland with my tail between my legs, ashamed at what some in my family will think, all because it has been a really rough time out here for me and I cannot take any more. I have never experienced such highs and lows in quick succession. One day optimistic, the next a job offer has fallen through. I'm not homesick, but I would much rather be in Ireland. I have zero energy over here because I'm burnt out from having to walk to do errands in the muggy heat.

I got one job in a cafe and I was treated worse than a dog by the manager. I was happy to be there but the manager made life really difficult for me for the two days I spent there before telling me she had no more hours for me. I am still chasing her for wages owed.

I wanted to like Australia. But the truth is if everything was going my way over here, I still feel like I wouldnt be happy to settle here. And I feel like if you don't like Australia then there is something wrong? I know its better to try a place out and decide you dont like it than to never try it and stay at home wondering what could have been, but I am torn over whether to go home and say at least I tried it? I have lived abroad before and really enjoyed it. Have nothing but fond memeories, but this has been a disaster for me and I'm having a hard time trying to reconcile it.

notAMember

Go home. I always say if you're going to fail, recognise it, understand why it happened and fail fast rather than throwing more money at it.

I don't think there is anything wrong with saying, hey, it's not for me. Tried it but I'm not suited for the heat, culture wasn't a fit, whatever. You HAVE tried it, 3 months is plenty. You've absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, certainly you should be proud of doing this experiment, dipping your toe in.

I think you could reflect on what was different in this move to your previous ones, any factors in making this less successful. Then when/if you try someplace else you know what to do differently.

One is certainly the climate, I know I would never consider australia for this reason alone tbh. Dragging myself around in heat is torture for me.

Another factor could be the preparation to go there, maybe there was a way to get other employment before waiting for this registration. Or indeed have your teacher position lined up, perhaps they could support with registration. I don't know, just food for thought.

And your support structure. It sounds like you know very few people there. I know from relocation myself, that you need a cushion of supportive people in your destination country, either friends, family, future colleagues. Otherwise every single day is feeling like an absolute idiot because you don't know some very specific local thing with bins, or getting a SIM card etc. Someone who can get you over those first hurdles in another culture is really helpful for settling in.

Best of luck, and again, no shame whatsoever in taking a risk and acknowledging it didn't work! This is how people succeed long term. Try, fail, learn, try again!

Overdehils

There is NO shame in coming home if it doesn't work out.

Where are you based at the moment?

Speaking from experience. I would suggest you find the local GAA club.....if you have ever played, join them. If not, go along to a few matches and chat with people (or alternatively an AFL club) You will find that there are so many who have been in the exact same circumstances as you. Making contacts & new friends is key. It will open up so many new job and social opportunities to you.

Do that & give it another month.

Best of luck.

Kalimah

I felt I had to reply to this. One of my children has been very far from home for over a year. A similar career to you as it happens. They saved mightily to go and is enjoying it from what they say. If I thought for one minute that they were as miserable as you sound, I'd go out there myself and bring them home.

There is no shame in saying "it's not for me" and you wouldn't be coming home with your tail between your legs. You went, it didn't work out. I would have the highest respect and regard for anyone who tried it and said " no not for me" and came home.

I don't think I could stand Australian heat either!

All that discussion about medical people loving Oz is probably because of working conditions as compared to here, access to swimming pools, air con, decent pay etc. I went on a two week holiday there in 1993, thought it great for an interesting trip, but hell I would not live in that heat if you paid me a fortune. The fact you tried it as all part of life’s experiences and you could write a blog about it.

thefa

What did you lose going out there - some money, some time, some relationships? I don’t know how important each were to you but surely most can be recovered or replaced in time. I’m guessing you are relatively young and have multiple decades to go at the very least. What is a big deal now, will be a footnote in the not too distant future.

Many of the people whose opinion you worry about will have failed in some element of their life at some stage like work, relationships and more. If any of them would be the type to not be supportive of you returning, you might need to ask how good an influence they are on your life.

My best friend was abroad for years in Canada before coming back. I used to be thrown because I thought he was more concerned with being seen to be doing well than actually being happy. The grass is not always greener.

SuperBowserWorld

Try a different part of Australia. Melbourne instead of Sydney for example. Or even Tasmania.

You are currently in Australia at the hottest time of their year. Give it 12 months if you really can.

Get more contacts as the previous poster described.

It would be really good for you if you could get your chosen career option, Teaching, out there.

And don't beat yourself up. You've changed careers, saved money and travelled and are living abroad. You are leaning loads of skills and improving your confidence even if it doesn't feel like it.

miamee

OP there is nothing wrong with not liking Australia, it's just another country not heaven on earth. Also, I am assuming due to your work situation that you really haven't seen very much of it other than the city you headed for when you got there to pursue employment. Could you move to another area for a while to see if that improves? If your heart is fully not in in, time to investigate plans to come home if that is what you want. There is no shame in it at all.

wanderer 22

A small thing, but if at all financially possible I'd write off those wage you're chasing - you only have so much mental energy right now. Good luck!

tamara25

Absolutely agree with all the advice you have been given here so far! Hats off to you for going to Australia & giving it a go. Life is too short to be unhappy & if you are very homesick hop on a plane & come home. I’m sure your family would only be delighted to have you back & anyone making judgemental comments are not the type of friends worth keeping. You know the saying when one door closes another one opens 🤔

Tork

Some great advice above. I just wanted to add that I know somebody who went out to Australia and came back within a month or two. He had lived and worked in Australia before and still knew people there. The second time around he struggled to settle and decided to come home. Maybe it was a case of "You can't go to the same party twice" or simply that he had changed too much since he'd last been there.

Having said that, I wonder would you feel better if you weren't lonely? You mentioned being happy with your alone time in Ireland but I don't believe you're comparing like with like. Even when you're alone in Ireland you usually have friendly faces within reach. If you're on your own in a country that's far far away, in a different time zone you're bound to feel more isolated. Have you tried to connect with any Irish people in your area or to befriend the locals? Loneliness is corrosive.

Having said all that, if your gut is telling you that Australia isn't for you, then come home. We only really hear about the people who went to Australia and are having a great time. I'm sure there are plenty who never took to the country and quietly left. You haven't failed - you just found out that Australia wasn't for you. Nobody in your life is going to judge you, or particularly care really. Good luck, whatever you decide.

CelticRambler

@All that fandango I wanted to like Australia. But the truth is if everything was going my way over here, I still feel like I wouldnt be happy to settle here. And I feel like if you don't like Australia then there is something wrong?

Nope, nothing wrong if you just don't like the place. Even with a bunch of same-age cousins and miscellaneous other relatives living there, I couldn't/wouldn't move to Australia (continental Europe suits me far better). A few years ago, a young graduate I'd planned to take on for a job in France told me during her interview that she was waiting for an answer for her "dream job" in Australia. She got it a fortnight later and withdrew her application. Six months later she got back in touch to ask if she could re-apply for the French position, because the Australian dream was as much of a nightmare as the Irish version she'd left.

So you wouldn't be the only one to decide that Australia's not for you. That said, it's a huge country, and there's quite the difference culturally and climatically between the different cities, so before you pack it in completely, maybe you should spend a month or two pounding the streets in another town, another state?

LilacNails

OP u were and are so brave to gone so far-away alone. I wish I had the balls to have done the whole Australia thing, but I had no one to go with and I really regret not taking the chance.

It doesn't matter it hasn't worked out for u. I know if I was ur age I would be thinking the same, this is so embarrassing, feeling silly for having gone away in the first place but honestly, when u look back on this period of your life, u will see how brave u were , u will appriate u done it, and will see all u have learned, u just don't realise it yet. It will all stand to u. forget about the money, thats the whole point of it, to spend. Its not as if u gambled it away!

I wonder did u follow up.on jobs u applied for?

It is a difficult time ur going through, and sometimes it's best to keep going, but it does really sound like ur sick of it there.

If u really don't think u have anything left, then I would come home. Do some travelling if u can afford to before u come back, like Asia/Thailand or around Oz. Give urself a break.

When u do come back, keep ur head held high, no one will be laughing at u. and if they are, their only jealous u jumped at the opportunity. Iv heard of many people coming back after few weeks/months. After a while it'll be forgotten about anyway.

It'll all be OK in the end.

Irish_Aus

Hi, I am in QLD and the heat is horrible right now, but it does cool down. It's the worst I have experienced since moving here. It's been mentioned about moving somewhere else, Tasmania might work out better for you. Lots of work in Hospitality, cooler climate and it feels more like Ireland. It's also worth noting that there is a teacher shortage crisis across Australia and you would walk into a role (I work in the sector). If it doesn't work out, who cares. I was feeling the same 11 years ago, but I stuck it out and it worked out well. Just my 2 cents...

Jafin

First and foremost do not feel one bit ashamed whatsoever if you decide to come home. Moving to Australia was a huge move for you, and something like this is always a risk. You took a risk, it isn't working out and that's completely fine. Nobody will think any less of you if you decide to come home, and anyone that does think less of you isn't worth your time.

musicfan1ie

Hi OP,

Definitely no shame in coming home - 3 months is a good period. I struggled when I did it back in the day too. It took me nearly 2 months to get a job and money was starting to get low.

I had worked for 1 of the accounting firms, so my Irish technical knowledge in tax didn't quite click in Australia, so my regular CV didn't work in Australia. I completely changed my CV to demonstrate every practical/administrative thing I did in my job and dumbed it down a bit. So, I'd mention creating invoices for clients, building excel files, managing filing systems etc. I also mentioned some personal work I did for friends and again, detailed regular tasks, like creating financial statements.

Maybe, re-do your CV and emphasise all your non teacher work for retail/office jobs and also, emphasise the administrative/menial tasks of your actual teaching job. And best of luck with whatever you decide.

HildaOgdenx

I wanted to like Australia. But the truth is if everything was going my way over here, I still feel like I wouldnt be happy to settle here. And I feel like if you don't like Australia then there is something wrong? I know its better to try a place out and decide you dont like it than to never try it and stay at home wondering what could have been, but I am torn over whether to go home and say at least I tried it? I have lived abroad before and really enjoyed it. Have nothing but fond memeories, but this has been a disaster for me and I'm having a hard time trying to reconcile it.

Ah don't be so hard on yourself. Yes, I'm sure lots of people love Australia, but equally it's just not for others. There's nothing wrong with deciding that it's simply not for you. Nothing whatsoever.

You're probably feeling a bit low in general which is understandable, and so you're overthinking what others might say or how people will react if you return home. You won't be coming back with your tail between your legs, not at all. You will simply be saying it just wasn't for me, longterm. I'm glad I went, and gave it a shot, and I liked x and y, but now I'm glad to be home.

When we are in the middle of an unhappy situation, it's easy to start imagining what others are saying about us. In truth, everyone else is so caught up in their own lives that they aren't thinking that deeply about us.

I have younger relatives who have lived abroad at various stages. If I heard one of them was returning after three months, or whatever, I would probably have already forgotten how long they had said they intended to stay, and be only delighted to see them again.

Mind yourself and do whatever is right for you.

Pauliedragon

OP no shame in coming home no one will bat an eyelid. In fact they'll applaud you for trying. I lived there for nearly 20 years. I did get lucky I walked straight into a job full of Irish people who took me under their wing. Nobody can answer your question only you. Any idea on the time line when your teachers registration will arrive they do love Irish teachers over there. I would try stick it out. Summer is coming to an end soon. March/April are warm but bearable (in Sydney anyway) Best of luck don't give up on hospitality there are a lot of chancers there but some really nice ones. If you can try in an area where there's a lot of Irish people living they usually welcome Irish staff and you can get to meet Irish customers at the same time. Best of luck.

GAAcailin

Some good advice here OP. Be kind to yourself; Oz is so far away its not possible to get home easily. I did a year in Australia and really didn't like it; well more that it just wasn't for me. Didn't like the work environment / culture and found the summer too hot. I would be quite open about how I didn't like the country. Nothing wrong with coming home and admitting that its not for you.

LimeFruitGum

If you don't particularly want to go home straight away, would you consider changing scenery and go to New Zealand, Singapore (e.g) for a bit? It makes no odds to people at home where you are really, once you're abroad. No point sticking around the city/region if it isn't gelling for you.

Undertow

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121759456#Comment_121759456

I would agree with this - I did a fair stint in Oz and never really settled... gave NZ a go and fell in love with it!

yagan

Have you looked up any Irish in Oz facebook groups, someone might have a better temp work opportunity to get you out that current situation.