A random occurrence has me totally confused and left me feeling like worthless dirt.

niallpatrick

My wife isn't well our marriage is a bit shaky, my mum isn't well either and I'm stuck in a trap going without sleep or even a day to myself when I'm desperate to get out fishing on my own for just one day. My wife works mostly from home and I work locally so same faces same people same streets every single day. I'm always on call 24/7 while my family refuses to acknowledge that I deserve a break. Theres always next week to go fishing! thats their attitude while they get holidays and can go wherever they like.

I was in Lidls on Sunday in no hurry to go 'home' had enough money on me for an 18 pack of Carlsberg but instead of going to the cashier line directly in front of the booze aisle I went to the one next aisle over. I'm in zero hurry counting over the exact money again and again. Lady in front of me with 10 items, a very attractive woman aged about 40 insisted I go in front of her. 'No thanks you were in front first' Then she kept turning to me smiling for some reason, I looked like crap. Eye bags disheveled appearance run down and pretty down in the dumps not wanting to converse with anyone.

She said something to me when she was bagging up her items before rushing off, something which didn't register in my head. When it came time to pay for my beer it was already paid for, what? Lady in front paid for it. Why? dunno mate. It really messed my head up making me feel worse, the people behind all they probably seen was some bum scrounging beer. Maybe she was in a good mood won a load of money or found out she was pregnant, she did have a wedding ring on.

I can rule out she was hitting on me, I was at least 12 years older and we were both married although because of my weight loss my wedding ring doesn't fit me any more so I don't wear it. I didn't know her either, highly unlikely we'd ever met elsewhere or if she was someone who felt she owed me a nicety for doing something for one of her family which could be plausible but doubtful. I'm a complete nobody, what I do for others I keep it low key and I can rule out telepathy and mind reading. Why would a complete stranger do that? for sick kicks teasing or letting me know I look like a bum loser so 'here have a drink on me'?

TheadoreT

There's some really oddly specific and irrelevant details in that story. But you'll never know why she paid for them so no point ruminating on it.

Feel you're fairly brushing over the more important aspects of that post. Those would be more advisable to seek advise on if you share more details.

RurtBeynolds

Maybe she just wanted to do a nice thing for someone?

lucalux

Had the cashier taken your 18 pack and scanned it while the lady was still packing and paying for her items without you noticing?

Sonic the Shaghog

Ah I get ya man. Like it's nice someone did something like that but on the other hand I think we'd all feel like wtf do I seem to that they randomly did that? Just take it as a small win with all the stress you've been having and now you've the money to buy something else to treat yourself 🤪

niallpatrick

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121624793#Comment_121624793

Honestly I was a bit phased out in a daze but I do know the pack was the other side of the till and had been scanned through and paid for. Nobody is going to pay for somebody elses item singular item a pack of beer unless it was intentional. Otherwise they'd have said something, just one of those things I can't make sense off.

niallpatrick

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121624776#Comment_121624776

Belfast somebody doing something nice is a rarity, especially if they're under 50 years of age. I'm of a different era and there aren't many like me left but there are a few. Ughh somebody elses problem walk on by, I'm not like that and neither were my parents

NIMAN

Maybe it was a 'pay it forward' act of kindness?

Perhaps someone had done something nice for her recently, and she was reciprocating?

niallpatrick

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121625267#Comment_121625267

Feasible but I'll keep an open mind

lbunnae

maybe you looked a bit broke counting over the cash and the person thought they were doing a good deed. Happy days haha

Hannibal_Smith

Regardless of how you looked on the day, the other person paid for the cans to do you a kindness.

It sounds like you have a lot going on OP and it might be worth chatting to your GP about how you're feeling and get some advice from them?

Rubberchikken

Take it as it was meant..a kind gesture.

Maybe she saw someone who's just in need of a small break.

Try and get some fishing in when you can. Life does go way too quickly.

NIMAN

I think what happened in Lidl isn't the issue here, its something more important than that.

You need to sort out the other issues. Make time for yourself. Take a stand. What would happen if yoi just went fishing for a day, leave your phone or turn it off. Take a day to yourself, chill out, don't worry about the rest of them. Leave them a note to say you've gone fishing so they won't worry about you. You sound like you deserve a day out.

SEPT 23 1989

The computer simulation is acting up

try to ignore it

Oscar_Madison

I’d consider talking to a counsellor OP (get a referral from your doctor to ensure you get the right person or use your company service if available)

It sounds like your bottling up a lot of stress or at the very least a lot of sadness - it would be good to bounce these thoughts off a trained professional so you can try and determine what the real issue is here.

Family life can be a mundane place to spend time but you do need the support of your spouse- sounds like there might be some aspects to address to get things back on track again

TheadoreT

You need to break the groundhog day syndrome, not doing new things/seeing new places is horribly regressive for our brains long term. Doesn't have to cost too much either if regular travelling is too expensive, you seem to love the outdoors so camp outside from time to time, preferably with your wife if her health is up to it. But if not still try to make time for yourself, you'll be a better care provider if your mental health isn't on the floor.

Dial Hard

I would also agree that if such an innocuous - if somewhat unusual - interaction has you feeling like "worthless dirt" then there's a lot more going on here and you'd definitely benefit from speaking to someone.

Best of luck.

Airyfairy12

Youre over thinking it! It sounds like you want someone to tell you that she fancied you, you might of had a chance of sleeping with a younger woman and thats not impossible but it's more likely that she's a kind person and likes to spread kindness to brighten peoples day. It says nothing about you at all but says everything about her and the person she is so id suggest you try and move on from this. Id suggest you go to therapy. You said youre in Belfast? Belfast has unlimited mental health supports, organisations that offer free & low cost therapy, different kinds of therapy and services to support you.

bobbysands81

Your story of what happened with the lady paying for your beer is not the important piece of your post.

The important piece of your post is the first paragraph where you describe the stress you are under, how worn out you are, how far down the “food chain” you perceive yourself to be and the lack of validation you receive from your family. You sound like your in a negative spiral, your thoughts are centring on the negative and low self esteem is coming through in your choice of words.

Either call your Doctor to arrange a chat to go see a Counsellor or go pick one from this fully qualified and accredited list of Counsellors. www.iacp.ie

You deserve a break, you deserve to recharge your batteries and you deserve to do things that make you happy.

Shoog

All I can say is people will always judge you by your appearance, so maybe you need to think about making more of an effort about how you appear and this will help your self esteem far more than ruminating over this incident.

Hannibal_Smith

Thanks for the latest posts folks. I'm sure the OP will appreciate people taking the time to offer help. However as they haven't been back in a few months now I'll close the thread off.

Crackpottle I've deleted your post as videos aren't permitted in this forum.

Niallpatrick, if you want the thread reopened for further advice, please pm one of the PI mods.

Thanks

HS