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Ex wont pay her share of mortgage

  • 30-12-2023 6:34am
    Registered Users Posts: 8

    Hi folks - looking for some advice

    Myself and ex separated in 2013 and a medicated agreement was made up - but never signed

    I pay 50% of mortgage which is 600 a month on a beautiful detached 4 bedroom house

    and 75 per week per child - totalling 600 maintenance = 1200 a month

    The simplest way was - I would pay the full mortgage of 1000 Euro and hand over the difference to her at the end of the month - in this case 200

    I've no where to live and staying in my dads garage conversion and kids have a place to stay with me over the years etc

    Eldest is now 24 and moved out - 2 years ago after getting full time permanent work - so my maintenance reduced by 300 and my outlay is now 900 a month (600 mortgage and 300 child maintenance)

    I have paid 50% of all back to school, I pay all medical bills, and their VHI and my job is a middle manager in civil service

    The mortgage now has gone up to 1300 - where i continue to pay the FULL amount to include my portion child maintenance and she still won't pay her share of the mortgage. I have written to her with registered letters outlining her share of the mortgage that she owe's and these are ignored.

    If I don't pay the mortgage - it affects my credit rating for going for my own house/flat in the future and/or it will look very bad on me in court

    My Youngest is 20 and just started college

    My ex works part time , qualifies for Working family payment of 200 a week based on this part time work, takes in spanish students x 2 at 200 a week for 9 months as they attend a local school and also runs a massage business from the family home - not declared to social either

    Her affidavit states that i discharge the mortgage but don't pay child maintenance which are all lies

    Now i still have no where to live - i'm 52 after having 3 stents in my heart and she takes home more money than me and still won't pay her share

    This is going on 2 years now and getting very distressed over the whole thing

    Twice its in court for non progression on her side and twice its adjourned - she spends her money on lavish weekends away to Castles in Ireland, new furniture bought in Arnotts - not Ikea like , oil paintings for 1000 Euro etc and I'm living week to week in my dads granny flat

    Any advice on how not to affect my credit rating or to get her to start paying her share of the mortgage which was medicated at the outset


  • Registered Users Posts: 8,805 ✭✭✭893bet

    At your age, you would only qualify for a 14 year mortgage. Do you really see that ever happening?

    Maybe time to let that pipe dream go? And **** the credit rating and let it go?

    Let her take the pressure and mental stress of the house as he is getting of Scot free for years. Enjoy your disposable income and be thankful you have somewhere decent to live even if not ideal.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,958 ✭✭✭kirk.

    That's some raw deal out of that breakup

    Sorry fella . I was like a mouse on a treadmill paying the ex , thankfully it's over these days

    Solicitor probably

  • Registered Users Posts: 10,507 ✭✭✭✭Jim_Hodge

    Solicitor, divorce and get your share of the house.

  • Registered Users Posts: 6,726 ✭✭✭Tow

    Once the children have gone you could force the sale of the house. As you have paid all the mortgage in theory you should get most/all the proceeds, but at worse half... This would go a long way to getting your own accommodation. As pointed out above the banks will not give a mortgage beyond retirement age.

    Is there enough equity in the house to buy two smaller houses/apartments?

    When is the money (including lost growth) Michael Noonan took in the Pension Levy going to be paid back?

  • Registered Users Posts: 9 anoner

    Sell the house

    Force her out on street where she belongs

    The youngest being almost out of maintenance window and your stints suggests

    She may very well be trying to kill you to get house

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  • Registered Users Posts: 55 ✭✭thatshowthelightgetsin

    Eh, why are you writing to her? You're doing so much wrong here. You need to, obviously, be strictly legal and keep pushing this through the savage inhumanity that is the Irish family law courts and all their delays and rewarding of people who delay. There is no alternative. In the meantime, find people going through something similar in the peer support meetings in Men's Aid (, in Talk2Us ( (meets in Phibsboro Monday 8 January at 7pm), in Saol Nua ( (meets in Stillorgan, Rathcoole, etc).

    Contact all of the above websites now, attend their meetings. You will see you're not alone and you will get a whole load of advice and experience. With your youngest being 20, you're almost free from your ex's control of your human dignity and independence. Keep a cool head, but stop being a walkover.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,395 ✭✭✭jj880

    Thats shocking. Maybe take advice from another solicitor.

    How did your mortgage more than double from 600 to 1300?

  • Registered Users Posts: 439 ✭✭mcgragger

    Your credit rating doesn't matter.

    Grow a set and tell her to pay up or everything stops

  • Registered Users Posts: 54 ✭✭MrRigsby

    When you see how unfairly men are treated in family courts in Ireland it’s surprising we don’t have more spousal murders taking place . Everyone has a breaking point

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,214 ✭✭✭Ezeoul

    Her affidavit states that i discharge the mortgage but don't pay child maintenance which are all lies

    You need to consult a solicitor about this falsehood on her affidavit, ASAP.

    While in theory, you'd think it would be better for you, that on paper she says you paid the full mortgage, but if she claims in Court it was agreed you pay the mortgage in lieu of child maintenance (which she will) it will get messy and hard to prove otherwise, and you could end up getting way, way less than your share of the property when it is sold.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 457 ✭✭chrisd2019

    You need a competent solicitor and gather and retain sound documented evidence of all payment.

    Why is the 2013 agreement unsigned?

    Alternatively you have the nuclear option, stop all payments and explain the full situation to your now grown children and let your ex deal with the problem. After all you yourself do not live in the house.