Annoying co-worker

cloudatlas

I've been at my new job for 5 months now. All is going well apart from where I've been seated.

They put me next to someone who is hyperactive and needs constant attention. She has told me that all her friends are from work. She doesn't have social awareness or understand boundaries. She has asked me to spend time with her outside of work a few times and if you say no the message is not received. She is very pushy. If you say you are doing something at the weekend she will try to invite herself. She announced to me that we would go somewhere together and it wasn't a question.

She kept on asking if I was okay? Telling me I look tired and stressed. Eventually I asked her to stop and she objected saying 'how will you know that we care about you?' and started to sulk. She has also told me that she 'loves' me and that she 'misses me'. The next time she did it I lost the head and told her to stop. Instead of apologising she said 'okay' and sulked.

She was constantly chatting as well, and gets up and goes around the office chatting and distracting others. These aren't work related questions and she wants attention.

I asked management if I could move desks. Despite the fact that there are free desks they said I couldn't move because those desks were alloacted to a different team even though those desks are vacant and are not going to be filled. They said I could work from home two days and she would work two days and we would only work together 1 day.

I'd rather just work from home one day. I heard her complain loudly that I am not working from home two days. She has complained to her former manager about me also and he is now looking daggers at me across the office. Is this reputational damage? What can I do?

She behaves in a child like manner, has a teddy bear that she brings to work, changes her voice to sound like a child. Nobody wants to change desks. Other people seem to think she is a bit of a character and find it funny but they can walk away from her and go back to their desks, I cannot. She has marks on her arm from self harm. She is married to someone who is almost 20 years older than her. She obviously has mental health issues.

I'm being driven mad and simply want to move desks. Any advise?

Mrs OBumble

Speak to your manager about the fact that the company must provide a safe workplace for you, and that you find being so close to ZZZ emotionally unsafe due to her lack of boundaries. And that you are concerned about reputational damage.

That said, management probably don't have a lot of options. If everyone is moved away from her, then she is being bullied due to her mental health issues (yes, isolation is bullying).

I'd take a guess that every new person gets to take a turn at "the desk", and you either have to tough it out until you're not the newest any more, or leave. And that the chance of reputational damage is small, provided you can stay professional.

I sympathise re not wanting to WFH 2 days/week. My home setup isn't great for it either, and my being in the living room all day really isn't fair to Mr O'Bumble. Is there any intermediate option, eg could you work from a cafe, hub - or even some other friend's business? (Yes, there may be a cost).

As a strategy, don't engage in any personal chat with her, ie don't give her any (more) ammunition. Give only vague answers to direct questions, and immediately turn the conversation back to workplace issues, eg "what did you get up to over the weekend" "Oh this and that. Say, did you solve that problem for Sally in Accounts?"

Wrong thread!

Augme

Don't report her. You'll only be damaging your own future. If you can't get past working together one day a week then find a new job or else grind it out.

Wrong thread!

wandererz

OP, what about your kids (James & and Sarah).

Your time is taken up with minding them and driving them in the evenings and weekends (grinds, basketball, football, extra tuition...)

Plus there's your aunt in the carehome.

It's all a bit much and you struggle to have any free time at all.

BTW, would you remind me how old they are again?

Also, did you get those Earbuds so that you can listen to Classic Hits or Q102 or 98FM (or whatever)?

ballyargus

noise cancelling headphones are a good investment

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121489479#Comment_121489479

What the hell are you going on about?

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121489502#Comment_121489502

I need to be able to hear others if they need me.

Be right back

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121491523#Comment_121491523

They are making up excuses for you to use so that you don't have time for work social activities.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121489322#Comment_121489322

We are both new members of staff in this area of work but she worked in this department before so most people know her, there is no changing of seats to accommodate us, people retired. I think emotionally unsafe maybe going too far, it's annoying and unnerving to have unpredictable conversations with her but that's it. I feel apprehensive about going into work when I know she is there.

I don't engage in any personal chat anymore but I'm coming across as unfriendly to other people I'm sure (which is unlike me). I'm lucky in that my work is unrelated to hers so I don't have to work with her so to speak. Our work entails a lot of attention to detail and concentration. She isn't from the British Isles. I don't know if it's a cultural thing but she has been here long enough and has a husband from here but seems to not understand social norms here.

I don't know what is acceptable to management for me to complain about without it becoming a 'I don't like her conversation'.

I simply said to them before that I am being distracted and want to move, my line manager was hugely sympathetic but her manager said it wasn't possible.