how to deal with a guy that doesn't accept 'no'

Night owl gal

Hi everyone,

Got a situation I'd like you're advice on

So I know a guy who is very into me. He asks me for sex and I say 'no' (for a few different reasons). He seems to accept it for a while, but a few weeks or months later I get another message with the same request and my answer is still the same!

He's not getting my 'no'

What do you do in this situation? Block him on Facebook/block his number?

Breezy_

Do you have in person interactions? How you meet him to begin with?

Is he a thick stupid gobsh1te?

Why haven't you blocked him already? Is he dangerous?

Jim_Hodge

Block him. Block him in everything, including face to face.

Night owl gal

Do you have in person interactions? How you meet him to begin with?

Is he a thick stupid gobsh1te?

Why haven't you blocked him already? Is he dangerous?

Hi there

We originally met through secondary school, we lost touch but got back in touch earlier this year, through facebook. He sent me a friend request

We don't have in person interactions

Generally speaking no not a gobshite

I was debating on whether I should block him, but I think I will

No he's not dangerous

ThreeGreens

Instead of "no", try being more direct. No can mean "not interest at the moment" or "I'm in a relationship at the moment" or "I'll never be interested in you". If he really likes you he probably is hoping it's not the last.

Instead try:

"No. Not now, not ever. Please don't contact me again and delete me from your contacts."

If he does contact you again after that, tell him that if he does it again you'll report him to the gardai for sexual harassment.

That should stop him. If he does, then you've given fair warning and do report him.

YellowLead

Definitely block. Or if you want to give him a chance be very clear as others mentioned - tell him that you’re not interested and to stop asking. But only if you feel you want some kind of friendship, though I think that would be an odd decision here.

Also, just an FYI - a guy repeatedly asking for sex doesn’t mean he is into you, in fact it typically means he’s not really into you, has no respect and just thinks you might be an easy lay.

spaceHopper

Tell him you think he's a nice guy but you don't have romantic feelings for him and the chemistry just isn't there. Your very flattered but it's a no that he needs to respect.

Honestly he's probably sending the same message to other women and hoping one will say yes.

If he doesn't stop block him

Edit left out the word "don't"

Breezy_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121486582#Comment_121486582

Not a nice dude.

He missed the friend part in friend request.

Block him.

Eclectic Econometrics

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490210#Comment_121490210

There is too much positive in there. I assume you missed out the "don't". Even still, there is too much there to start a conversation. "Why don't you have...what can I change...you think I am nice".

Some people can extract positives from far less than you have provided. I realise you are being polite, and that is a good reflection of you, but polite isn't what's needed.

artanevilla

Block and report to the Gardai for sexaul harassment.

skallywag

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490464#Comment_121490464

There are some negative things in life that you can rectify yourself, without the need to go to the Gardai. Maybe this is one of them?

OP, ignore this nonsense about the Guards. By all means do block him though. If he then continues to harrass, you could of course think about involving the law, but based on what you have said so far it appears way OTT at this moment in time.

ads20101

Not to be repetitive, but I really need to say this

If he is continually coming back after just one 'no' never mind multiple 'no's' - this just isn't normal behaviour. It doesn't matter if you know him from school:

BLOCK HIM ...... NOW!!!

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490210#Comment_121490210

Why give him any positive feedback at all. Block him. He's trouble.

artanevilla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490511#Comment_121490511

Sexual harassment is not one of them, it's not harmless and I'm sure OP is not the only victim.

No means no, it doesn't mean maybe later. Maybe when the Gards start knocking on doors people will get the message.

A2LUE42

Just to take a slightly different perspective.

Do you have any contact outside of these Facebook interactions?

If not, it may not even be the person you think it is, there are so many cloned or fake profiles on FB these days.

But either way, as others have said, BLOCK!!

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490511#Comment_121490511

Yes it's an attempt to let them down gently but clearly, there is no chemistry, you need to accept its a hard no. But honestly I think they are sending the same message to other girls hoping one will say yes. They aren't taking the no personally or giving it a much head space as the op. I'd even bet it's sent after 11pm drinking alone at home.

marilynrr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490210#Comment_121490210

OP, don't encourage this kind of behaviour by saying he's a nice guy and you're flattered. It's insulting more than flattering to have someone act like they can just repeatedly ask you for sex.

I've had my fair share of persistent, won't take no for an answer men but none have been so blatant to just keep asking me for sex. I'm sure plenty of them wanted sex alright but they would at least ask could they take me out on a date etc

No means no, and you don't need to offer an explanation or let someone down gently when they are sexually harassing you.

I would definitely block him, sounds like he has no respect for you. At the very very least mute or restrict him so you don't see his messages and don't reply, but personally I would block.

Idle Passerby

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121490210#Comment_121490210

But he isn't a nice guy, he's a total creep. Why would anyone be flattered by some weirdo who pesters them for sex? He's not looking for a date or to get to know her, he's saying "can I f*ck you?...how about now?....what about now?" That's disgusting, disrespectful, predatory behaviour!

Big Bag of Chips

So I know a guy who is very into me. He asks me for sex and I say 'no' 

He's not very into you. If he was very in to you he'd ask you out. He'd talk to you. He'd message you. He wouldn't ask for sex, disappear for a while and only come back when he's horny again.

He is the absolute complete opposite of very in to you.

Block him. You don't have to be polite to someone who treats you like that. I'm guessing you're quite young. At your age I would have been hard wired to be polite, give people a chance, not be rude etc. Slowly I'm realising it's ok to cut off people like that. He's not interested in you as a person. He's interested in one thing only. If you're not interested in that then you 2 have nothing in common.

Block him.

Tork

I think OP is quite young too. The behaviour from this fella is straight out of the "It's Friday night and I'm at a loose end" playbook. Most of us can spot the signs a mile off, usually because we've encountered chancers like him. If he was very into you, as you say he is, why isn't he trying to meet you in real life or asking you out? He isn't backwards about coming forwards if he's asking you for sex. No, he's trawling through his contacts hoping for a Yes from someone.

Night owl gal

Thanks guys. Blocked him from Facebook and blocked his number

I am youngish yes, I'm in my 30s

Someone asked if we had any contact outside of Facebook, we didn't no, I would sometimes see him in my local town (in the distance, as I was walking through town, he was on the opposite street to me) but I was normally in too much of a rush to go over and say hello to him

Oscar_Madison

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121537747#Comment_121537747

So I’m male and a bit older than you but have enough experience of life to know that this guy is bad news- block today but if it escalates do consider reporting- badgering people for sex is not normal, regardless of what others here might say- it’s a fcking huge red flag to me.

If nothing happens after blocking forget about it- but don’t hesitate to report if he takes further steps to make contact

Night owl gal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121564856#Comment_121564856

I will, if he attempts further contact

Wanderer78

possible autism here, i.e. not understanding social norms, block, and keep blocked

salonfire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121567169#Comment_121567169

Never mind this aul rubbish OP. It only serves to try legitimize poor behaviour from someone who's trying to get the ride. Too often the latest fad mental issue is used to excuse unacceptable behaviour.

Breezy_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121567806#Comment_121567806

The OP not him I believe he meant...no?

Mellor

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121486582#Comment_121486582

I find it very strange that it went from lost touch after school, to connecting on Facebook, to asking me for sex - without any in person interaction and/or dating. So strange that I think there is possibly some part of the story being left out.

If it were two exes, or former booty callers, or whatever. Then asking/hinting at sex might be not uncommon. But a random school "friend". WTAF?

Night owl gal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121613385#Comment_121613385

So do I to be honest. His behavior was strange. Was completely sex obsessed. Didn't leave anything out. It doesn't matter any more as he's out of my life now

Sounds a bit creepy to me. If he asked you “out on a date” I’d say that’s normal, you’d say “no, I’m not interested in dating you” and he’d leave it at that. But to simply ask for sex, very likely how’s filling his diary with sex nights with other women and the most you might get is an std. Block him, cut off any connections.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121486582#Comment_121486582

Thays very strange behaviour.

No man that I've ever gone to school with has ever messaged me asking me for sex.

Its not normal.

And if you have repeatedly said no, he is sexually harassing you.

Block him.