Will the love return?

country girl 55

I am no longer in love with my husband. It began when I had to deal with some difficult situations which impacted me for a few years. He didn’t fully understand the impact it had on me so wasn’t able to be supportive. When I brought it up he brushed it under the carpet in the hope it would go away/sort itself out. He also worked abroad for a while and this seemed to have been a turning point as I haven’t felt the same about him since he returned. It was a difficult time while he was abroad as I didn’t have his support with the children and my job can be demanding. He is a good man in many ways and he is a good dad but we just no longer connect.

when I try and discuss our relationship he thinks everything is fine.

I no longer want to be around him. Can the love return or will I always feel this way about him now?

Breezy_

what age are ye? Age of kids?

Do you want it to return? I was never in your position but I'd say yes.

If he's not listening or getting where you are coming from then write out how you feel and give it to him and tell him to come back to you in 24 hours when hes stewed in it for abit.

Sometimes you really gotta explain it for some people.

You have to talk about it first then see where you are.

standardg60

Writing a letter is a great suggestion, sometimes getting past the denial that there's anything wrong is the hardest part. Lay everything out, the not in love and not wanting to be around him anymore especially.

Sounds like you would want it to OP which is good, if you're completely honest about your feelings now and there's no change then at least you will know you did your best.

marilynrr

How long have you felt this way?

I think resentment about lack of support at a previous time in the relationship is often a huge relationship killer in the end even if a couple manages to struggle on for some time.

You don't need to say what the difficult situations were if you don't want to but sometimes I've heard stories like yours and think "yep that'll kill a relationship alright" and it's because of a serious lack of support during say postnatal depression or something like that. I think some things like that can remain quite a significant trauma in a persons life even after they've recovered so it is extremely difficult to get past how a partner behaved or didn't behave.

Again you don't need to say what the difficult situations were if you don't want to, but I suppose just look at the situations themselves and assess how significant they were and see if you are healed from them. Maybe you might benefit from some therapy in relation to things that affected you in the past, even if it's just for your own healing, or perhaps it could also help your relationship if you wanted that.

Realistically I think the love has very little chance of returning if your husband is being dismissive of your relationship concerns and wants to brush everything under the carpet.

Big Bag of Chips

I don't think so.

Marriages can go through rough patches and come out the other side, but it takes a lot of work and effort, from both people. If your husband is happy enough to ignore everything and pretend that nothing is wrong then the resentment you feel is unlikely to just go away. It will remain, and fester.

Maybe marriage counselling might help, but only if he commits to engaging with the counsellor. I'd suggest you get some counselling of your own, regardless.

country girl 55

Many thanks for the replies, it is really appreciated. Writing a letter is a great idea as we’re not able to discuss it properly. I want the love to return but I’m so unhappy with him. I’ve felt like this for about two years. We do have moments when things are better but they don’t last for long.

Our children are getting older now so life is easier compared with when we had years of sleepless nights yet our relationship is worse so I’m not enjoying life as much as I used to. Christmas will be interesting as we’re both off and will be together for most of the break.

Thanks again, I will look into therapy