Advertisement
If you have a new account but are having problems posting or verifying your account, please email us on hello@boards.ie for help. Thanks :)
Hello all! Please ensure that you are posting a new thread or question in the appropriate forum. The Feedback forum is overwhelmed with questions that are having to be moved elsewhere. If you need help to verify your account contact hello@boards.ie

Concern

Options
  • 09-11-2023 1:58am
    #1
    plane2556
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭


    So.. where do I start?

    My boyfriend has been invited to a stag and a hen soon, delighted for him! But here’s the thing..

    myself and him have had a rocky road not too long ago, he was sexting his work colleague , I found a whole lot of other stuff on his phone too more than once.. we have since resolved and agreed to try to move on. He hasn’t sent anything else since (from what I can see and from what he’s been telling me). He tells me he loves me, we are moving in together very soon too, he tells me I’m what he wants and only me and that he’s learned his lesson etc etc…


    now , here’s this:

    • one of the guys going on the hen was messaging my bf when me and him started going out , there were nudes sent etc.. I caught him in the act along with other messages to other men.. we have since resolved that and I have given him another chance.. (this was two years ago) , but I am still concerned since that guy will be at the hen.. yes , I do trust my bf now.. but I’m still paranoid and overthinking about the whole situation.

    • on the stag, well - there isn’t one but TWO guys that he has a past with also going on that stag. My mind is going crazy and I am very upset about the whole situation.


    should I talk about it with him? I have a feeling that he will go mad at me for challenging him on this.. or expressing my concerns about who’s going to be at the stag and what might happen.. especially with drink involved.. he will probably just ask me why I don’t trust him and if I don’t want him to go on the stag etc.. is it bad that I’m overthinking this too much? What should I do?

    good to have others input on this whole situation..


    thanks guys..



Comments

  • Options
    #2
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,814 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    I think let it go re the the past and move on with your future with him.

    You can't let the past keep eating away at you.

    Post edited by Annasopra on

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Options
    #3
    Facthunt
    Registered Users Posts: 567 ✭✭✭Facthunt


    I’m with Annaspora on this too! Might be time to move on! I feel your pain but don’t stay in a trapped unloved relationship!



  • Options
    #4
    Facthunt
    Registered Users Posts: 567 ✭✭✭Facthunt


    May unappreciated relationship rather than unloved!!!



  • Options
    #5
    Annasopra
    Registered Users Posts: 40,814 ✭✭✭✭Annasopra


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121356956#Comment_121356956

    No

    I didn't suggest leaving

    It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.

    Terry Pratchet



  • Options
    #6
    Facthunt
    Registered Users Posts: 567 ✭✭✭Facthunt


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121357271#Comment_121357271

    Ok! My mistake!



  • Advertisement
  • Options
    #7
    Jafin
    Registered Users Posts: 769 ✭✭✭Jafin


    Were there two instances of him being caught? You mentioned you caught him sexting a work colleague "not too long ago" and then mention that one of the guys going on the hen is someone you caught him sending nudes to two years ago. Are these two separate people or the same person?

    Personally if I caught my boyfriend doing this once, all trust would be gone and I would never be able to trust him again, so I would get out of that relationship. I know that some couples can repair their relationships and move on though. If this is two separate instances then...chances are it could happen again in the future.

    Think about your physical health in this too. Do you and your boyfriend have unprotected sex? What if he does end up sleeping with one of these men at the hen and potentially catches an STI? That could put your own sexual health at risk. Trust is paramount in a relationship, and it sounds like you don't fully trust him, which I don't blame you for.



  • Options
    #8
    plane2556
    Registered Users Posts: 21 ✭plane2556


    Thank you all for the advice and inputs.. I have decided to try and trust him. Not an easy decision but here goes..



  • Options
    #9
    Facthunt
    Registered Users Posts: 567 ✭✭✭Facthunt


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121426666#Comment_121426666

    Keep strong!💪



Advertisement