Parent with Dementia

Sinus pain

Hi all, just wondering if anyone has a parent with Dementia? Currently waiting to go in to a nursing home but is very distressed in hospital at the moment. She calls me a lot complaining or confused and I do my best to help her although she gets quite annoyed with me at times. There are a few siblings and we take it in turn to go to her everyday and will continue to do this.

Mentally it’s taking its toll on me though and I’m am feeling very anxious at the minute. I am quite a resilient person but feel like breaking down crying regularly. I am her confidant so she calls me a lot more than she calls the others - who sometimes don’t answer.

Is there any support groups for family’s of loved ones with dementia?

Princess Calla

There's the "forget me not" support group. I haven't used their service and a quick google their website doesn't look the easiest to follow...I think it's very much region by region.

It's a very difficult time. Do look after yourself too, you're no good to anyone running on empty.

anewme

Hi I hope you are keeping well. The Alzheimer’s Society of Ireland has a support helpline and they are excellent. They run workshops for families as well. Our Dad was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s and dementia and was in A and E for six months. The hospital planners wanted to send him miles away but we held our resolve.

This is the most difficult part for the family. The person is in purgatory; the point where they are still with you and know something is wrong. It’s the most horrible time.

Dementia is a cruel disease, where you grieve the person but they are still with you. We still have our Dad, only glimpses.

widgeonidolized

I'm hoping all is well with you. There is a great support helpline run by the Alzheimer's Society of Ireland. Additionally, they host workshops for families.

ebbsy

Ive seen my Uncle, Aunt and Father fall victim to it.

Do not take it to heart. Let the experts deal with it.

Jnealon

Thats a tough one, the fact that your mam is able to call you just shows that disease affects each person differently. My old man had it for nearly 10 years while others I know had it for 2 or 3, it is a cruel disease.

Talk to the alziemers society, there is a group in Lucan that meet every Wednesday afternoon that my Mam volunteers at, you could pop in to one of these.

I would also talk to a solicitor and look at the whole power of attorney side of things, by the sounds of it this will be left to you.

Good luck

Upthewalls1

Hi there,

I sympathise greatly. My mother is 72 and has Alzheimers. She has just moved in with my family 2 months ago. I have no other family at all to help out so its just me, my husband and 3 kids doing it all. I would say my Mam is moderate now. Shes physically very healthy but needs constant attention and wouldn't eat or wash or anything if not told to and wouldn't complete the task unless supervised. Her short term memory is practically non existent. I can tell her we are going to town so get your coat on and if I turn my back for 20 seconds to grab mine shes forgotten what I told her to do and where we are going. Its actually soul destroying. I'm finding it so difficult. I feel smothered, like my life has been taken over. I feel like I've no freedom. I was getting to the stage where my older 2 kids are working and at college and my younger is 16 so my hubby and I were getting a lot of freedom back and now I cant go away for a night without it being this big planned out event with other people involved. I realise this sounds very selfish but its how I feel. We do get out etc, my kids are great to help out but its the feeling of being trapped that gets to me. My Mam is constantly on the go and I'm bringing her everywhere she wants. She goes to a day care for a few hours 3 days a week, bingo twice a week, Mass another day, a carer comes in 2 days while I work for 3 hours 1 day, 2 the other (I had to cut down from 5 to 2 days in work), I bring her to the cinema and plays and seasonal events but she could be busy from 9am to 6pm but isn't happy if she just has to relax and watch tv, look at books/photos for a few hours before bed.

I'm being of no help to you here lol but to answer your question, the Alzheimers society is amazing. You'll have a local coordinator who can give you all kinds of advice. Their helpline I've heard is good too. The public health nurse will help you out with services and the Family Carers Association are good for info too. But as for the emotional toll its taking on you, all you can do is look after yourself, accept that theres really nothing you can do to change things, her reactions etc arent the real her and just telling her what she needs to hear is all you can do. It took me a while to realise this as I felt like I was lying when I agreed with things she said that were wrong but it doesnt help her or me to go against it.

I'd love to know if your mother got in to a nursing home since your last post and what stage shes at, as at some point I will have to look at this option too.