Maintenance

Clairec1

Hello, just looking for a bit of advise.

move recently gotten out of an extremely toxic 5 year relationship (6 months ago) we have a one year old together. He sees his child every other weekend, but it’s actually more like one day of that weekend, so at most two days a month. This is his choice. He is paying €50 a week in maintenance to me. I’ve been wanting to ask for more as now she is in childcare I’m spending roughly €75 a week childcare €50 food and that doesn’t even cover the other costs like clothing, nappies etc.

I work three days a week and also get a one parent family payment.

I get €500 per week including his €50 maintenance. Total income.?

he is a teacher and his income is €850 after tax per week. His outgoings are €300 mortgage €100 petrol for car.

Food etc etc.

I am and have always been better at budgeting than he has, I put away money into a savings account each week and also save €130 into my credit union savings a week although this can be very hard sometimes after rent petrol food and childcare expenses are paid.

He is a spender and spends his money on unnecessary things. I can’t approach him about the subject because whenever I do he screams and tells me that how can I do this to him when I already know how poor he is?! The truth is he is skint every single week but it’s all his own fault he flits his money away spending his spare €450 on unnecessary things meals/ takeaways/ a brand new computer €5000 and he says I’m the one that’s able to save €130 per week I’m the one who has more money than him, I earn much less than him however he is right I do have savings but that is because I scrimp and save and get by on the little money I do have.

If he was genuinely struggling I would leave him well and truly alone but the fact is he has a good income just chooses to spend it every week and then I feel like I am the one scraping by.

shall I just leave him alone and accept the €50 in maintenance?

XsApollo

Are ye married.

I think 50 is unreasonable if he spends that little time with your child.

maybe go to court to seek an order for more maintenance.

Clairec1

No we aren’t married. He tells me he will kill himself if I take him to court!

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175449#Comment_121175449

Take him to court. Don't fall into manipulation.

I'd bet the farm he won't kill himself!

@Hannibal_Smith @HildaOgdenx can this be moved to relationship issues.

Hannibal_Smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175504#Comment_121175504

We're not moderators in feedback so can't move it. I'll report it and asked it be moved to Divorce and Separation.

ETA actually I see you're difficulty, you can't report it for some reason @Spear is it possible to move this thread to Divorce and Separation?

Ezeoul

HI clairec1,

Before I say anything, I will say that I firmly believe all child maintenance payments should be court ordered, no matter how high or low. I agree that you should seek to have the amount formalised in a court order, and shouldn't be manipulated by threats of suicide. The amount can be agreed between you before hand and simply rubber stamped in Court. It's best this way if only so that everything is above board for Dept of Social Protection.

The fairest way to calculate child maintenance is this:

• Add up all your child related costs over a week / month. Childcare, Food, Clothes, Medical, Dental, Educational.
• Deduct the cash value of Child Benefit and Single Person Child Carer Credit (€64 @ €32 each per week) from that total.
• Split the balance 50:50.

So if you have €64 per week from CB and SPCCC, + €50 from Dad, + €50 from you, that is €164.00 per week for your child.

Deducting childcare costs of €75 per week, that leaves €89 a week for your child's food, clothes and everything else.

If this is not enough, then you have grounds to seek a higher maintenance payment.

But remember, just because someone earns more, doesn't necessarily mean they should be paying more than 50% of the costs. Both parents are equally liable to maintain their children.

If you were not married, he has no legal liability towards maintaining you, or any of your costs. Your ability to save / your savings are not his business, and what he spends the rest of his earnings on, is not your business.

All he is legally obliged to do is maintain his child. Focus on that, and forget about what he does with the rest of his money.

Alonzo Mosley

Hi Claire,

All you need to do is go to your local District Court and find out where the offices of the court are. They are normally close to the court. Apply for a maintenance order. You can fill in the documentation on the same day. Once you file the order, your partner will be notified of the court date within the week.

You and your partner will be asked prepare a statement of means for the court. This lists all your income and outgoings on a weekly basis, not monthly.

I would advise you to lodge your documents, with a cover letter outlining the situation, with the court clerk 2 days before your hearing. This will give the judge a chance to review your situation before making a decision on court day.

The judge will ask if you are in agreement with maintenance and obviously you will state no. The judge will review both statements of means and may ask you and your partner questions. To save a few bob, even though it sounds daunting don't engage a solicitor, you will be well able to conduct matters yourself. If you are unsure about anything the court clerks are very helpful and are there to help.

I am in north County Dublin and if you were to file an order today the earliest hearing you will get is the second week in January.

Best of Luck, it's not as daunting as it sounds.

Shield

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175606#Comment_121175606

Mod: Moved to Separation and Divorce

-Shield

Clairec1

Thankyou so much for your help. Yes I absolutely agree I think it would be so much better if we have something formalised.

Clairec1

Yes I agree I do believe it should be 50:50 and I absolutely do not want any more than what he is obligated to pay towards our child. I do believe I spend far more than that in the last month alone 2 first pairs of shoes and a winter jacket were €100 an unexpected trip to a&e €100 her passport €25 and that doesn’t even factor in everything else. I feel like all these costs add up and I will have to keep receipts and figure out how much exactly I spend each month. I appreciate all your help thank you!