Is there a way to fix this friendship after all that was said ?

makeuplover

I’ve been best friends with this girl for a good 5 years when I say we clicked instantly I mean it we had the same style interests and she reminded me so much of myself. We got close started wearing matching outfits the odd time just to be goofy and cute and got on really well.

We have travelled the world together been to 5 different countries and we always go just the two of us. We planned a trip to Mexico and she told me she couldn’t find a babysitter and that she can’t go now the thing is I paid for the accommodation through love holidays and all she had to do was give me the money for her flights.

We got into a argument over her not going I got very angry over the situation as there was nobody else that I could get to go with at such short notice in such a Short time she told me she couldn’t go a month before we were supposed to fly out. It was no time to mess around as I payed my part for my holiday and wasn’t going to go alone she had months to sort out her plan with getting her child minded. In case I didn’t mention already every time we go away she is late paying travel agents to the point i am stressed out to the max as there is deadlines and I panic that the holiday will get cancelled she’s the type of girl that would pay the day before last minute with everything I had to pay her deposit last time for her or our holiday would have been cancelled the deadline with travel agents is 4 weeks beforehand.

Now that I’m angry she can’t go after we planned she said she will try one more time to sort something and let me know she then texts me to tell me to put pressure on somebody else and she’s giving me the tickets back! I in anger told her she better pay me the money she owes me and that it’s not fair! Her response was she wasn’t going to pay for a holiday she’s not going on! I called her a coward and that I wanted the money or I’d be stung with cancellation charges.

She rang me on the phone calling me obscene names at 4am that night she started off screaming saying you will not get a penny off me you stupid fat cow I am so much better looking than you you are a fat c u next Tuesday and that I’m still fat after getting weight loss surgery and that it didn’t do anything for me! I look like a man and that she will smash my house up and will physically “have it out with me” her brother and friend were also screaming at me on the phone I could barely hear what they were saying but the brother was threatening me saying you don’t know me I’ll sort you out! I was just in shock they were all clearly drunk she then calmed down and said look your not fat and you know it we weren’t getting anywhere on the phone so I hung up.

Her friend kept ringing my phone too that I never even met in my life. She then texts me saying she’s sorry for everything she said and that she didn’t mean any of it I just said to her there’s obviously some resentment through the years because all that doesn’t just come out of your mouth from nowhere! She said she didn’t mean to stoop that low and that she always thought I was gorgeous and that I should look in the mirror and forget what she said because they are just common names that don’t apply to me! What I found worse is that I only came clean to her about my eating disorder and she goes and says all that I told her that was a low blow and she responded yeah I was very concerned about you then why did she say it?! In the back of my mind im thinking that she was in competition with me our entire friendship or thinking she’s better than me because to be honest words like that don’t come from nowhere deep down she’s thought that before. I realized I don’t want to be friends with someone that shallow and who thinks she’s better than everyone.

I then hit back at her telling her she needs to do her makeup better it’s fucked up and her hair looks like it’s about to snap off at any second and that she’s 31 going around thinking she’s a Barbie doll with 30 inch Moore street fake sewn in extensions that you can clearly see in her hair I told her she was dead to me and I blocked her!

I kicked off a few days later when I seen her at work and the manager just told us to sort it between us we then talked privately face to face and she said she was deeply sorry I told her our friendship had started to become more distant in the last few months. She said she needs to work on her anger issues and what she says to people but was Adamant she didn’t mean anything she said I told her the best thing she can do to prove she is decent is to give me the money and she said she would but we will see! I told her what she said ruined the friendship and that I don’t think we can come back from it. She said she was open to fixing it but I’m leaving the ball in her court actions speak louder than words. Would I be crazy to forgive all that? And to mention I lost over a grand of money I paid because the holiday got cancelled! I rang love holidays and they said to cancel her off the holiday I’d have to pay another 800 euro on top of the cancellation fee so I just cancelled the lot!

YellowLead

Why on earth would you want to be friends with somebody who spoke to you like that???? Though given you said things to her also it sounds like maybe you’re that type of person yourself 🤷🏻‍♀️

Also, you could have just gone by yourself? As you were paying for the accommodation anyway you wouldn’t be out of pocket by her not going. Obviously it’s disappointing she had to back out but it’s not easy to get somebody to mind children for a week or however long so it’s understandable.

makeuplover

I’m still in shock tbh you don’t expect a close friend to come out with all that or bail on a holiday

Big Bag of Chips

...and that she’s 31

This is the biggest surprise! I thought you were going to say you were both 20/21.

Why do you want to fix the friendship? After your first couple of lines you have not one good thing to say about her. She sounds awful - and you're not much better. You blocked her after saying some pretty nasty stuff to each other - but then you kicked off, in work.

Cop on. Move on. If you two "fix" your friendship it's only a matter of time before you start with more of the same.

Stay away from each other.

Big Bag of Chips

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121123402#Comment_121123402

She didn't bail on a holiday. She has a child. I'm guessing she's used all her favours with family/friends and nobody wanted to take her child for an extended holiday. Your mistake was organising a holiday in such a far away location without considering that she is a single mother.

makeuplover

Yeah I hit back if I get attacked my first response is to hit back in Defense. I would never get personal with a friend the way she did me but I felt like the apology was gaslighting it was bizzare to call me every name under the sun to im perfect don’t listen to me! Yeah I shouldn’t have kicked off at work but I couldn’t help myself after all that went on

makeuplover

Actually yes I would have been out of pocket as I still needed her share of the holiday money till it was paid in full I paid my part all she had to do was pay for her flight which was just under a thousand! So I wasn’t going to pay for her as she wasn’t going just so I could still go fyi it was through loveholidays so it was a deal for 2

makeuplover

Yeah we have been away around the world loads of times I didn’t expect this time to be different her child is a teenager btw and trip was only for 6 nights it seemed like nobody wanted to mind the teen

Big Bag of Chips

Well from what you say - you're the one who got angry first. So you attacked first. You two are not compatible as friends. No reasonable friends would talk to each other like you two have.

Ezeoul

If she is 31 and has a teenager, she must have had them very young. It sounds like she has some financial pressures - or maybe has other financial priorities.

You've both behaved pretty badly, but it sounds like she really did try to apologise, until you kicked it all off again in the workplace.

You don't start on someone in work. That's not on.

Let the friendship go. It's come to a natural end.

Tork

Wow. This reads like an episode of Fair City. All that's missing are some fisticuffs and a flying handbag. Like the others, I don't think there's any way back from this. The insults the pair of you flung at each other are pretty awful and it's going to be very very difficult to forget what was said. It would be better to just let this friendship drift. I also think you might need to consider looking for another job. There's a possibility this isn't really over and that things could get a bit toxic at work.

As an aside, you aren't the first people I've heard of to fall out over a holiday booking. A good friend of mine fell out with a pal of hers for a few years over something similar and they didn't really speak for a few years. They've since patched things up but it helped that they never resorted to the sort of insults you've described here. This is a cautionary tale for anybody planning on taking a holiday with a friend.

Neames

I think it's the end of the friendship for both of ye. Your post has a real Vicky Pollard ring to it to be honest. No one comes out looking well out of any of the interactions, I think you should just cut ties and move on.

Hannibal_Smith

This isn't a friendship per se....its a friendship of convenience. Neither of you have any understanding of anything going on in each others lives. It sounds like you're using each other for holidays etc, but there's no depth of friendship there.

I then hit back at her telling her she needs to do her makeup better it’s fucked up and her hair looks like it’s about to snap off at any second and that she’s 31 going around thinking she’s a Barbie doll with 30 inch Moore street fake sewn in extensions that you can clearly see in her hair I told her she was dead to me and I blocked her!

You've both got a very low opinion of each other.

What are you trying to 'save' exactly?

makeuplover

I can assure you we weren’t using each other for holidays we had a good friendship and we’re really close and got on well abroad every time we enjoyed each others company we only ever traveled with each other. Yeah what I said wasn’t the nicest I never expected it to get that out of hand. We’ve had one or two small fights before but never like this with insults.

maninasia

So childish and immature.

Ask her to pay a portion of the money and move on.

HalloweenJack

Just leave her alone for now. If she wants to fix things, she can start by paying back some of the money, if only as a sign that she wants to do the right thing. I've had it out similarly with a friend yeas ago where lots of internal resentment came flowing out. It was patched up, to an extent, but it never fully healed as a lot came out in the open. A lot of work will be needed to save this friendship, from both sides, and you need to decide if it's worth it.

In future, if you're going on holiday with someone, have them sort out their side or don't book anything until you they hand over the money first. Or travel solo. You said she usually leaves things to the last minute so you should have been wary. Unfortunately, you learnt the hard way. Friendships shouldn't be so much stress.

People will say you should take into consideration her situation and stuff but, from the sounds of it, she didn't have problems before and was happy to sign up for the trip.