Friend has really let me down

runningbuddy

Hi folks. I was part of a group of 6. We are all in late 40s early 50s. I was particularly close to 'Megan' for over 15 years. Hubbies good pals too etc. However, I introduced her to a larger group of friends and it has all gone tits up 😗 (no pun intended). I subsequently found out that 'Megan' told another friend ('Sarah') in this group that I said something awful about her, that I was not to be trusted, etc... I am totally shocked and upset by this.

'Megan' has completely ghosted me as it has now come out and she has blocked my number. I wanted to have a chat with her and see what happened and hopefully move on but nothing. The entire group has now also gone to ground. I spoke to one and she said what was said by 'Megan' to 'Sarah' was absolutely horrible. It is all totally untrue and has all been taken out of context.

I am utterly heartbroken by 'Megan' as we were extremely close. She obviously felt different about the friendship - I know I need to move on as it cannot be salvaged now but unsure where to start. Thanks for reading folks

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Mod note: Edited for clarity

sydthebeat

"Untrue but taken out of context"

So does that mean there WAS something said ?

runningbuddy

Sorry meant the whole situation has been taken out of context - should have said blown up out of all proportion. When it got out that 'Megan' had told the other woman ('Sarah') I said something horrible (which is totally untrue) I just wanted to ask 'Megan' what was going on but when I messaged her to chat, she completely blocked me

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Mod Note: Edited for clarity

If what was said was substantially untrue I personally would want to defend my honour and put the record straight. If ghosted, send a letter, registered if necessary, waiting a little while so things have cooled down a bit. Others here will likely say turn the other cheek, walk away, move on, and that might be the better step to take in all practicality. Personally it would eat me to think somebody had a completely wrong take on me, but that’s just me. I would want to put the record straight.

Big Bag of Chips

Are XX and XXX two different people?

I'm not really sure what happened as your post is difficult to follow but it seems you did say something. But you are claiming it was misunderstood or taken out of context by someone.

All you can do is try meet up with whoever you have upset and try explain. But maybe think about what you said and if explaining will only make the situation worse. Don't lie. Don't minimise. Don't say you didn't say something if in fact you did.

It's very unlikely that the group is likely to be as close knit now. But if you want to clear the air you should try.

runningbuddy

Sorry if my post is difficult to follow XXX is same person but shall call her "Megan" for simplicity - I did not say anything about the other woman at all, who is also a good friend. She has been going through an awful lot lately and I have been very supportive of her. Megan had commented to me when we were out for a run together that this other woman seemed quite low/depressed. These two have only known each other a few weeks as I introduced Sarah to the group. All I did say was that this other woman will be fine, she manages her mental health/self care very well. Absolutely nothing else at all

Big Bag of Chips

@runningbuddy I've edited your first post to make it clearer. Can you check that it is correct. There was a lot of 'XX' and 'she' and 'another friend' so I'm not sure I have clarified who you are talking about correctly.

893bet

Work on repairing the damage with Sarah.

Cut Megan loose entirely ( easy if she is ghosting you).

Let your hubby find his own way then with regards his friendship with her hubby.

Don’t beat yourself up.

runningbuddy

I will really miss sarah - we have been through so much together. I don't know if she is ghosting me because she knows she has been caught out lying about me or is no longer bothered to be friends. I feel really hurt by this and feel I should cop on as I am 52 !!!

peacock_lane

Do you not find it strange that Sarah would take Megan’s word about something like this without coming to you? And that the whole group would aswell? Is there something bigger going on with the history or dynamics of the friend group that you haven’t mentioned?

runningbuddy

Peacock, I am in the dark. However, Sarah (who I would have been very close to) and Megan have become very, very close over the past few weeks. Megan is let's say, prone to drama. Sarah does not know her as well as I do and the two of them fed into some bullshit, i really do not know - it is horrible. I did call Sarah and she was really cold/distant on the phone then immediately blocked me and came off all threads we are on (running, book club etc)....it is very odd. My gut is telling me she knows she has been caught out but cannot face me

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121108260#Comment_121108260

What's done is done, let things die down with the rest of the group, don't cause drama, don't ask them to get involved. You will never be able to trust Megan again you will have to forget about her. She's just somebody you used to be friends with.

If anybody else says anything to you just say as little as possible , you could say don't want to go into but she's really let you down.

If Megan comes to you listen to her, tell her she really let you down - make peace with her. Don't be the one in the group causing tension. Then keep her at a distance.

Hannibal_Smith

I'd be absolutely livid! What on earth did Megan say you said? It must have been horrendous. You never said any such thing though, right?

Two friends of mine did similar to me before, only difference I did say it and I was right too! 🤣 Person A was supposed to be my best friend, Person B was a good friend but was annoying me and I said something I shouldn't and Person A went and told Person B, the two of them became best buddies. Now we were in school at the time, so it didn't really make much odds to me because there were other friends and circles I mixed in. I moved on safe in the knowledge the friendship between the two of them would implode at some point because they were both pains really. Sure enough it did. Person B managed to weasel her way back into my life and I even introduced her to her now husband. But she took the hump with me over something else (this time I didn't do anything) years later and flounced off a second time. I blame myself for not sticking to our first cold War and letting her back in 🤣

All that is grand if, when you look at it, the friend you have is a pain in the hoop and you keep it between you. But for a grown woman to cause an issue between two friends to the point they both have you blocked, I'd be absolutely livid. Having said that, I wouldn't do any more about it. If they're that dramatically hysterical just move on. Or maybe I'm just fickle!

Big Bag of Chips

After reading all your posts I'm still not sure who said what to whom! But there does seem to be a lot of people telling a lot of people what other people said. It's always a danger when Chinese whispers starts and nobody has directly spoken to each other.

I would try make contact with whoever is the most wronged here and clear up what you did or didn't say about them. I would avoid/ignore the other(s) because they just seem to be sht stirring. Although if you're hearing from someone what someone else said then it's difficult to decipher which of those two "someone's" is stirring.

DellyBelly

Don't really have any advise bar think you might be wise not to use people's names...Meagan and Sarah may be on boards and it could lead to even more complications

runningbuddy

Sarah and megan are not the real names lol. Sarah has blocked me so absolutely I will not get in touch with her

miamee

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121109717#Comment_121109717

I think they are just made up names to make it easier to follow.

@runningbuddy I'd tray again with 'Sarah' to explain your side but if she has you blocked I'd leave her to it and bide my time. I have no doubt that Megan will do something similar to Sarah or one of the others in the group and it will be apparent then to everyone that she likes to tell porkies.

Man Vs ManUre

This sounds like an episode of ‘Desperate Housewives’. My missus watched it but I never did so I cannot advise u.

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Warned: This is an advice forum. If you can't advise, then don't post.

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121108489#Comment_121108489

What has Sarah done wrong to be "caught out" for. She was told you said something hurtful by somebody else. Looks like she believes them. I'd let things be for now, there is nothing you can do to turn this around, you spoke to her, told her you didn't say is and that is all you can do. The more you do now the more people will take sides and if you are the one asking them to take sides they will hold it against you.