I just ended my marriage

thefinalstraw

Married 10 years, together 18. Ended it today. Long story short. We are both in our fourties. Had our issues, but we have been doing way better the the last 7 months.

She's been very attracted to another man for about 4 months. The go to the same gym. She wakes thinking of him. Younger than me, fitter than me, huge, tall muscular guy. The attraction is very much mutual. Over the last few years, I have had divorce threatened in fights were she was completely wrong, she threatened to take my son away for similar reasons. She secretly was talking to her sister to leave the country with my son. But I took it.

Today, she told me she wanted a break in our marriage of a month so she could met him and hopefully get over him.

I can't. I've accepted this as a crush. We have been doing better in our relationship than we have in months but I always said if I was made to be a consolation prize in this, I was done. The idea that she thinks that taking a break from to see how it goes is something I'll stand for. I can't.

Dazler97

Your right to be honest especially as she wants a little break that usually isn't a good sign at all ,and especially so that she is interested in another man etc as for the taking the child off you and fleeing the country she's obviously wanted to leave your marriage from what I can get out of it , just focus on yourself and your child ,try keep busy and distracted as well so your not overthinking **** etc if you can take a break away out of the country for a few days I'd say you could do with it 😀

thefinalstraw

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121086933#Comment_121086933

Every threat to leave coincided with me not putting up with her **** and sticking up for myself.

YellowLead

It sounds like you made the right decision. Well done for being brave 🤗🎉

893bet

I am sure there will be a few more bumps along the road before “ye make it or break it”.

Sounds rough. Mind yourself and mind your son.

Dial Hard

I've never, ever known of a break that wasn't simply a pit-stop on the way to a permanent break up. It's a way for people to test drive being single and a complete cop-out, imo.

It sounds like there's been issues in your marriage for a long time, OP, and this guy is simply the locus around which your wife has coalesced. This is purely a hunch, but would I be a million miles off if I guessed that she's either Eastern European or South American?

Goldengirl

Thats rough.

Can I ask have you tried counselling just to see if there is a relationship to be salvaged.. You have a child together.

While I don't condone what she has said at least she has been open with you which is a good thing. How does she know the feelings are reciprocated? Has the other guy said so or is she fantasising? Have they slept together? He might not be interested in her further than that.

Does she want to leave anyway.?

You both need to have a clearer picture before you make this decision. I know you are hurt and right to be buta 10 yesr marriage and 18 yrars together is a lot to give up on.

It could be boredom and fantasy.. Keep communication lines open.

However I would go see a solicitor about custody and access etc asap if she has been talking about taking your son away. Mostly custody goes to the mother but you have rights and no way can she take your son out of the country.

Hope it works out for you .

Princess Calla

Guaranteed the mutual attraction won't be as strong once he realises she's free!

Take care of yourself

SEPT 23 1989

Today, she told me she wanted a break in our marriage of a month so she could met him and hopefully get over him

She will be left with nothing make sure you have your son

talk to a solicitor now

In time all this will seem like a distant nightmare

best of luck

MEGA BRO WOLF 5000

Fcking hell man. I'm so sorry. For what it's worth I think you're right. That's a horrible place to be.

worded

My advice ....

Plan to get over this as soon as possible and find someone new ASAP. Your 40s is OK

Becomes way more difficult to find a significant other in your 50s

Look after your mental health .. you are no good to your son or yourself without it. You are number 1 now.

Looka after your physical health. Join a gym other than hers and get fit and stay fit

This will take years to sort out and remember it's all your fault. Buy the T shirt. I told my X that once when she was continually, relentlessly blaming me for everything

Lastly .... beware being a scratched record to your mates about the separation .... men are not good listeners and mostly dont give a bollox about their mates feeling. Careful not to loose too many fair weather friends ...

backwards_man

She has ended your marraige. You are just the one who said it out loud. I wish you the best of luck. Fight for access to your son.

CPTM

Be careful about moving out of the house. Know you're rights and try to learn from the mistakes of others. There are a few threads on here.

theguzman

Post deleted. Please do not recommend to the OP that they do anything that might be a breach of Irish laws.

cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121088188#Comment_121088188

Also check any bank accounts you had , especially if you also had a joint account with the same bank

Ezeoul

Hi there,

Your spouse asking for a month's break so they can go off to meet another person would be a deal breaker for most people.

I am sorry you're going through this. When you're ready, the Separation and Divorce forum has some good info.

But starting now - prioritise your son, prioritise your mental health, do not move out of your home under any circumstances, and make sure your bank accounts are separated and you know where your son's passport is.

rowantree18

As someone who was married and lived abroad - your ex wife cannot remove your child from the jurisdiction without your consent assuming Ireland is the normal domicile of the child. This means that unless you agree she can't go "home" and take the child with her.

Regarding divorce - Ireland is a bit of an outlier in terms of most of Europe where essentially you keep what was yours prior to marriage including property. The commonly owned things get split and houses tend to be sold and each party moves on. If she's the primary carer for your child, she'll likely get to stay in the family home assuming there is one.

Do not move out and seek legal advice.

Wanderer78

ah enough is enough butty, you re probably doing the right thing, take some time out for yourself, and dont go anywhere near dating/relationships for some time, maybe consider some counselling to, all that sounds very rough, best of luck....

Beta Ray Bill

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121092453#Comment_121092453

100%

Do not move out of the house (if you own the home that is, not sure how this applies while renting).

I did this and I wasn't even married and it ended up costing me in the long run.

yourdeadwright

You making the correct choice here,

Don't dare move out of the house until everything is signed off and sorted in that regard,

Do yourself a massive favour & don't fall into the trap of getting into a relationship with the first women that comes your way,

Lots of people your age & stage in life feel a pressure after a break up to get into a relationship to show "others" that you have also moved on & that your doing good & look at me i can get a women, Take your time & find yourself first, You'll be a completely different bloke than last time you where single given how much time has past in them nearly 20 years take your time to find out who you are & what you really want in a new partner, Don;t try to save face of a broken marriage by jumping into something ,there is nothing shameful about your position so take your time ,

Remember we only get one life so enjoy yourself & look forward to a new beginning,