Joint Custody maintenance order advice

benny79

Hi All,

Just a quick one my Ex of my son who is nearly 14 has gone to court looking for more maintenance. Im split up with her nearly 7 years yet she still cant let go. I was in a relationship with another girl for 3 years where we planned and had a baby.. Then found out she was cheating on me the whole relationship had to get DNA test done and was a very bad time and whole different story last year.

I have since start seeing someone recently after been through a lot with my mams health, previous relationship and baby the last year. My Ex found out and went mental hence the court order. I take my son 4 days a week every week, bring him on holidays, buy him clothes or whatever he needs. I decided a long time ago to just treat it as I'm a single parent. so when I buy him stuff or go on holidays or if he joins something I dont ask her for a penny. I actually have a very good bond with him & would love to have him full time but know the law favours the mother.. Unfortunately my Ex does nothing with him (one of the main reasons we split years ago) She doesnt work, hasnt in years even though she has a masters degree! has a brand new counsel house etc Where as I work and have a mortgage. Plus I care for my mam who is 80 years of age and in very bad health at the moment and take my other son 3 days a week and pay maintenance there also. I am actually have a good relationship there even though she cheated and Id never go back and she knows this.

My Ex is obviously getting free legal aid. I cant afford a solicitor so people are telling me to represent myself. I have never been in court so its a bit daunting but because I have him so much I been told by friends she wont win.. I just cant afford to give her more plus I know she wont spent it on him. I prefer for my son to come to me which he does when he needs something. Plus his mams house is only 15 mins away so hes always round. My Ex isnt a bad person she just isnt maternal cant seen to let our relationship go and has mental health issues.

Any advice be much appreciated!

Ezeoul

If you have your son four days a week, that is more than half the week, and she should probably be paying you maintenance.

I don't think you've anything to worry about in court (depending on what you're paying already). You also have the right to ask for the order to be discharged or varied to Nil, based on the above.

Just stay calm, outline what you have here about your responsibilities towards your children (all of them) but leaving out the details of the past and current relationships as Judges don't care about that stuff. Some useful stuff here:

Preparing for Family Law Court (courts.ie)

Change or Appeal an Order (courts.ie)

Keep receipts of any costs, and go prepared with an Affidavit of Means already completed. The court should look for one from you in the days prior to the hearing anyway.

Are you currently cohabitating? If not, you should qualify for the SPCCC tax credit, as you are working and your son's mother is not.

Single Person Child Carer Credit (SPCCC) (revenue.ie)

feelings

Are you paying child maintenance or spousal maintenance? Or both?

"If you have your son four days a week, that is more than half the week, and she should probably be paying you maintenance."

This. Why would you even entertain the idea of giving her maintenance in this parenting reality?

I think, aside from visiting a family law solicitor, you would benefit from connecting with parents who are in similar circumstances as there's a wealth of experience there. If you're in Dublin, check under 'Events' here for the next Saol Nua meetings in Stillorgan: https://www.meetup.com/saol-nua-dublin-support-group-for-separated-divorced-people/

Also, Talk2Us has a regular Monday night meetup in Phibsboro with 20-30 people who could advise you, but they are on a summer break until Monday 4 September. You could, however, ring one of the three people at the top of this page and speak with them today: https://www.talk2us.ie/

benny79

I am just paying maintenance we aren't cohabitation we split up about 7 years ago and she has her own place. Thats for all the advice guys I really appreciate it! As I am seriously stressing..

My mam is in serious bad health which she knows so timing couldnt be any worse. She texted me Wednesday saying child was back to school Monday his stuff came to €600. So can I just give my son €300 or transfer it into her account thanks. (hes going into second year) normally I would just give her the €300 (as its the only thing she does getting his school stuff every year) She wrote everything down on piece of paper ie shirts €30 x 2 etc.. Anyway because she is bringing me to court I said are you deducting your back to school allowance out of that? and I will need receipts please and I havent heard from her since. But I feel bad as I dont want my son to suffer..

feelings

OP are you paying spousal maintenance or child maintenance? Or both? That's important to know if you want advice.

Ask for receipts for the 600 euro before paying a penny over.

benny79

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121046211#Comment_121046211

I did and she hasn't even acknowledge it. I just give money by DD suppose it be child maintenance as we were never married or anything. We just went out as BF/GF

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121047127#Comment_121047127

Spousal maintenance only applies to married people or those who were in a civil partnership.

DO NOT make any payments in cash. Ever. Bank transfer / Revolut / traceable payment only - and note it on your statement as "school costs". Do not give the money to your son, don't get him involved between you.

You're fully entitled to see the receipts for the costs she is claiming, and are correct that you should only pay half after Back to School Allowance has been deducted.

GarfieldandPookyBear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120990395#Comment_120990395

Good advice there 👍

GarfieldandPookyBear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121036960#Comment_121036960

Firstly, don’t stress. It will be okay. Ignore the usual opinions that judges are biased towards mothers, they are very fair if the circumstances warrant it.

Don’t worry about not being represented, the judge will usually walk you through it.

I would go in and file to vary or discharge and they will add it to the court date they assigned your ex.

As for the €300, do NOT give money to your son. Do not involve him in this. Tell your ex that you will reimburse her on receipt of all the receipts/proof of payment.

You have him 4 days a week so no maintenance should be paid. Suggest to the judge that you are willing to pay 50/50 on medical, dental, school etc but day to day maintenance for food etc should not be paid. That is pretty standard.

Good luck to you 👍