Fed Up

Icymilk

Hi,

Lately I have become really really fed up with my life. There is nothing in it that would be classed as fun, exciting or anything even in the same universe. It’s literally work, try to stay as late as possible, drive somewhere, stay as long as possible, then home to sleep/do laundry/shower, the basics and leave as quickly as possible.

I don’t want to give too much away, the internet is a small, small place. Suffice to say home is not home, it is a place I store clothes and have a bed. Better than some I know, but it is not a place I relax, unwind or even look forward to going back to.

Work is okay, like us all, some days I enjoy it others, meh. But those meh days are increasing. I had another job I was really starting to enjoy but with everything that went on during and after Covid it closed. It wasn’t just the work it was to an extent the friendships I thought I had gained. Maybe I am also regretting or upset about the fact that that they were not actually friendships. I don’t really allow myself to get too close to others, I have been let down in the past but hey, there’s nothing like repeating the same mistakes over and over to never learn the lesson!!!

But is this it? I never thought this is where I would be at this age. I feel like I have literally stayed in the same place since my late teens early 20’s but it’s like in the last few years I have slowly come aware that it’s really really crap. And I don’t know how to change it. I suppose I am afraid but I am also alone. And it’s the loneliness that is really killing me. I don’t have anyone I could rely on or go to. I don’t have anyone just for me. And I am worried that I have reached my 40’s and never found someone for me. And then who would actually want to spend time with me, most of the time I bore myself and I know what I am like so maybe it’s best not to inflict that in another person or living thing (it’s okay plants & animals are safe, I don’t have any!!)

And I know I would tell someone to find a hobby or a group, maybe this would help etc but to be honest I feel so weary, so tired I don’t know if I have the strength to follow my own advice.

And maybe I have just used this opportunity to vent, to not feel so alone. To feel that I have put what I am feeling into words to strangers on the internet because I really don’t have someone I could say this to.

So if you have read this far and not felt the life slowly leave your body with boredom! Or fallen asleep, Thanks 🙃

mark085

hi mate maybe consider getting a dog and get out more try to meet new people get some sort of hobby or sport you might really enjoy it and get fit and meet new people in the process

juno10353

Make your home space your safe welcoming space, no matter how small. Paint, tidy, fragrance, bedding, music.

Then try joining local walking group, book club, dancing class. Night classes which start in September can have some good courses which are fun, pottery is always a good laugh.

Volunteer in local area, soup runs, tidy towns groups, charity groups etc.

Remember, each step is a big one towards a new you. It's hard, but the first step is the hardest it gets easier and more fun

thefa

Few thoughts.

Make a plan short/medium term where you want your life to be and put in the effort to get there which will be outside your comfort zone.

Staying in work as long as possible isn’t going to solve your main concerns.

Hobbies as others have said creat social opportunities.

Nobody is going to land in your lap if you’re putting yourself down and hiding.

coolbeans

You could try a men's shed. They're a great outlet often and welcoming. If you're not handy there's always someone to help without judgement.

Re your relationship, are there kids involved?

itrip

Sometimes time away from your normal life can help.....book an adventure with some of the solo travel companies, you'll find something to suit your budget..it will give you something to look forward to.... you'll meet people from different walks of life, most of whom are also travelling solo, ...when you come back you'll feel refreshed...

Purple Mountain

Usually I can get a sense if a poster is male or female, but I have no idea from your post so apologies if I'm wrong.

If you are a female in your 40s I'd suggest getting your hormone bloods checked.

Mood changes and the feeling of doom can be associated with perimenopause.

If so, Dr can help.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120958273#Comment_120958273

What relationship? The OP never mentioned one.

OP, what is it about your living situation that's making it such a chore. Are you in a house share? Still living at home? Perhaps taking some steps to change that might be a positive move.

It sounds to me like you're suffering from what I call "Conveyor Belt Syndrome" - feeling stuck in an endless, boring cycle of wake, work, eat, sleep. Repeat ad nauseum. I've been there. And genuinely, doing something to break that cycle is the only way to change it. Move out/find a new job/start a new hobby. But I know that's easier said than done when you're stuck in the weeds of your current mindset.

Have you anyone you can speak to about this - friends or family? Or would you consider seeing a counsellor?

CelticRambler

Ah lads ... The OP said:

And I know I would tell someone to find a hobby or a group, maybe this would help etc but to be honest I feel so weary, so tired I don’t know if I have the strength to follow my own advice.

When someone's in that state, they're in no position to launch into any kind of a long-term engagement, and yes, even signing up for a local hobby group is a kind of long-term relationship.

What's suggested by @itrip is much more reasonable: make the one decision to take a break from the current situation, then follow it up with a second decision as to when and where to go, and how to get there. That's it.

Don't think any further than that, and certainly don't try to force yourself to suddenly take an interest in something that hasn't already had you trying to skive off work.

Run Forest Run

I like the suggestion from the poster above about booking some sort of adventure holiday.

Something very unusual, that takes you out of your normal comfort zone and perhaps challenges you in some physical/mental way that you haven't experienced before. The combination of something brand new, as well as a decent extended break from work and your normal routines could be good. And it might stimulate something in your mind to pursue a new path in life. The fact you sound like you're single, means this might be a possibility for you if you could get some extended time off work.

Other than that, I would say setting some big challenging goals and being really ambitious to achieve them would motivate you and give some more energy and enthusiasm in your daily life. You sound like you've just gotten a bit stale and board with your life because it's repetitive and not as stimulating as before. You could just pick some common goals that many people are working towards, like getting fitter/healthier or learn some new skill etc. Volunteering and helping other people, can be an effective method for just getting out of your own head-space and by focusing on solving other people's problems.

Goldengirl

Hi OP.

Sorry you are feeling low.

Most people do have times in their lives like this but don't tell anyone hoping it will just go away.

My first thought is that you need to see your doctor, male or female because there may be a medical reason for the low mood and tiredness, and not least of all you may need treatment, especially if they think you are clinically depressed.

Sometimes just allowing that you are unwell, getting treatment and /or a bit of time off work can help break the cycle

Otherwise nurture yourself for a while. Eat well, plenty of sleep.

Once you are feeling that you can cope, then look to improving your surroundings and make your home life more inviting, your nest and safe place. New bedclothes clean surroundings few cushions and nice pictures books, music . bits that cheer you up.

Then I woukd venture going swimming or cycling once a week and walking a few times just to get out of the routine of going home to bed.

If after this you feel better maybe think about longer term, a night class or hobby that would involve meeting people. Not with the aim of relationships but friendships.

And then maybe that bigger holiday or adventure, when you feel up to it.

One thing you need to do now though is stop putting yourself down. Talk to yourself in your head like a good friend that needs love and encouragement.

Your doctor may suggest counselling to help you break out of the negativity.

It is more than possible to meet new people and have good relationships at any age, really. The world is skewed to youth outwardly but there are so many people your age and older living single lives and fulfilled, some meeting people later in life. enjoying good times with friends

Aware Ireland have a good helpline and all confidential if you want to talk.