Mortgage with family member

Anna2834

I am not looking for any legal advice as I know this might not be the place for it. However, below is the story to date.

Property bought around the beginning of 2008, however as I was relatively young, my mum decided to chip in, as I couldn't have afforded the property on my own, plus they were also renting so this was the best option at the time or so I thought. The mortgage was taken in her name and mine, however the property was registered only in my name as I was a first-time buyer.

The agreement was that they (my parents) will stay in the property for a few years, initially it was decided that they will be here for approximately 6 years, that never happened, and they are still in the property with me for the past 15 years. The house is big enough however, as you can imagine there are always disagreements, I am questioned all the time (by the way am 40)…what I do, where I go, who I am with, comments about my friends…checking my social media (deleted it as I COULDN’T take it anymore). Asking me what time I come home at, if am not in by a certain time, they block the door etc.

They have been raised in a communist country so the old way of doing things hasn't left them, which I understand to a degree.

One of my parents is retiring next year (well the other parent has been retired for the past 9 years)…and they initially said they will be moving back home…recently they advised, that this wont be happening (I absolutely wanted to die that instance).

I do not want to be mean, but I cannot live like this anymore…it has affected me greatly…

I am seeing someone new, and I would like to move in with them…however I pay half of the mortgage and if I were to move, I am not sure they could afford to pay the mortgage on their own, actually I know for a fact they couldn't.

I want to move on with my life at this stage, as I just feel am their carer…and cleaner. I feel trapped and constantly questioned.

I have been to a solicitor and after a consultation that costed me €225 I was basically told to be nice and that there isn't much that I can really do.

I personally just want to sell and move on.  The culture I come from unfortunately lets parents believe they own their offsprings.

Am I being ungrateful and mean? The minute I start the conversation about moving and figuring out next steps, this becomes a huge argument...when mentioning that I would like to move on with my life i get the nasty comment of "what life is that, that you have"!

Bluefoam

It might be an idea to sell the house and allow them the oportunity to find somewhere smaller for themselves. You can then either invest your share or buy a smaller place yourself...

You're current situation doesn't sound healthy and I'm guessing you're relationship with your parents would probably improve with a bit of seperation.

Anna2834

The issue is that I have mentioned selling several times, but for a split second they agree and then change their mind...is there a way I can force selling?

I have even started looking at apartments in Drogheda at this stage in the hope they understand I am serious.

I try speaking to them, but it just turns into this big big argument and I just end up leaving the house...my mum is the problem, not my dad. She is very controlling and always has been this way...my sister actually moved out of Ireland to get away from mostly her.

They do have several other properties but not in Ireland. So they could easily go home.

Given the issues had with them, I don't think my relationship with her (especially) will be good.

Believe it or not, I don't mind having them around...I do however mind the constant meddling, interfering, talking down to me. The usual basically - that I am good for nothing.

Bluefoam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120951770#Comment_120951770

You can force the sale of the property, your mother has no entitlement to force you into any commitment. You solicitor should have informed you of this, he should also have talked you through your rights in terms of ownership... The fact that your name is on the title for the property and you are both on the mortagage is complicated, but may mean that you could consider yourself the property owner, sell up and benefit from the full value... not advised, but these are things that your solicitor should be answering.

Mrs OBumble

Since only your name is on the house, then of course you can sell.

You will have to pay off the entire mortgage, though, and get a new one just yourself if you want to buy elsewhere.

Another alternative would be for your partner to move in, and to assert himself as the new man of the house and refuse to allow you to be spoken to that way. Only you can tell if that would work in your culture.

Anna2834

Thank you for your reply.

The solicitor just basically said be nice, it should work itself out. Well it hasn’t so definitely I want out of this deal and I truly regret doing this. I should have never bought a house with her. Never! If I could turn back time, I would.

Anna2834

Oh that wont work. She will have him buried in the back garden long before he would be able to open his mouth.

He has his own property which I want to move into, but I can’t pay my half of the mortgage and give money to him also. Well I can but I don’t want to. I just want to sell the house and have no more ties with my mum especially.

Bluefoam

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120951840#Comment_120951840

You paid good money to the solicitor. You should demand that he provide you legal advice rather than social advice...

Anna2834

Yes I agree, I did, but thats all I was told. Which did upset me greatly as I saw no way out. There is another 15 years on the mortgage and I was planning once the fixed rate ends to just move the loan onto me, this way she can’t use the usual well the mortgage is in my name too.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120951878#Comment_120951878

We're you told to be nice? Or told that there is no possible legal way for you to sell the house?

Anna2834

I was told to be nice actually, and that I don’t have much choice. Just be nice!

whippet

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120951851#Comment_120951851

The bit in the middle sticks out to me.

you have the ability financially to move out but don't want to. Time to wear the big girl pants and make a decision on something you can control.

remember that your contributions to the mortgage is ultimately financing an asset that based on your OP will be 100% yours and your parents are also contributing to the finance on your substantial asset.

Ezeoul

Do your parents work? Scrap that, I re-read and saw one parent is retired and the other due to retire. So a mortgage is out of the question.

Would selling the house to them / signing the title over to them be an option if they could raise the finances to buy you out? If they can't get a mortgage you could suggest they sell the properties they own in their home country to raise the finances.

If they are unwilling to do this, then I'd tell them the only other option you have is to put the house on the open market. Though how you'd get them to leave, is another question.