How honest do you really need to be in a relationship?

vithit

I'm 24 and have been with my BF for 4 months. I shouldn't get ahead of myself but it's going really well. He seems to be the nicest BF I've ever had. He seems mad about me too!!

We met on Tinder and the first date was very fun, but frankly, I was still reeling from my last breakup. It has only happened 4 weeks early and I wasn't really looking for a boyfriend. By the third date I wasn't just having the craic with a cute lad, I started to really like him, but it was obvious he liked me from the get go. Bare in mind, these 3 dates happened within a week and a half, so not exactly a long span of time. Thing is, around the time of the first 3 dates I had a crush on my male friend and in hindsight it was probably returned.

The male friend was a shoulder to cry on. A great lad. I have to wonder if my feelings for him were even real. He was a mutual friend of my horrible ex BF and he was the only one who took my side initially (others have since changed sides, he was a real wolf in sheeps clothing). I only fancied him 2 weeks or so and realistically, it was probably because he was so sweet and I wasn't used to it. I think I romanticised him being nice to me as opposed to liking him like that.

We don't talk much at all now. By the 4th date, I was mad about now BF and that was 3 months ago. I'm in love for the first time since I was 19. But I feel like I did something wrong by liking someone else, but I'd never leave my BF for him and anyway, I haven't hung with him one on one in 3 months and he's moved to Dublin. I can't think telling him this would do anything other than worrying him about someone who isn't a threat and never will be. We weren't officially "exclusive" until the 7th or 8th date anyway and any momentary attraction I had to the friend had vanished by my 3rd or 4th date with my BF. Does he need to know?

zoobizoo

Eh..... no.

You fancied someone.... you had a crush....... not something that needs to be brought up.

thefa

Like unless there’s more to this, I don’t think it’s necessary to bring up. Bit out of left field, 4 months into a loving relationship.

Is it possible you still have some feelings for the crush?

You make it sound like you still have some contact with the crush. Given the circumstances, probably best to end that if committed to this relationship.

TheadoreT

You either love drama or you're not being fully honest with yourself about your true feelings. If all is trully well then there's absolutely zero issue here.

Would also advise taking longer between relationships to heal. Emotions can be very hot and cold after a relationship breakdown and i think thats evident in your writing here as its not particularly in keeping with someone who is blissfully in love.

Dial Hard

Why you're even thinking about this at all let alone considering telling your boyfriend is beyond me. A complete and utter non-issue.

lbunnae

Surely you can't be serious? You think you should tell your fella you were fancying another fella aswell when uz started dating? Madness , don't say a word.

Buddy Bubs

I fancy my GFs 2 sisters and 1 of her friends......not going to say it to her though!

She asked me once or twice if I find her sisters attractive (they look a bit like her) I point blank refused to answer. No good answer to that one.

Move on with your BF, there's a non issue here.

lbunnae

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120933942#Comment_120933942

Hahaha that gave me a laugh. Although I'd be giving it a sharp and fast no!!

Purple Mountain

It's OK to have a crush on other people, even when you're in a relationship/married.

Just so long as you don't act on the crush or let your feelings show or be known to the other person, then it's just a harmless feeling.

That chapter of your life is over now.

Unless you are thinking you might be tempted by this other lad when he comes home again, it's a non issue.