Co parenting holiday

2lazytogetup

I'm looking for some advice. I'm going away with ex wife and two kids. Ex wife wants to be there for kids holiday. My head knows reluctantly marriage is over but my heart won't let go. Any advice on how I should approach this holiday. I expect that I should stay out of her way so she can spend time with kids. Though I want to show her that the door is open should she want to reunite.

Any experience on these holidays and advice?

RIRI

For what it's worth & without knowing the backstory of your separation & divorce, I think this is a terrible idea. You are no longer a couple, why can't she take the kids on holiday herself?

I don't think a family holiday is the place to communicate your wish to reconcile either.

Str8outtaWuhan

This is so many levels of a bad idea, OP.

CatLick

This sounds like an argument waiting to happen. And that's before travel delays, sunburn, tired kids, upset stomachs and too much wine....

Dial Hard

I literally cannot think of a single reason anyone would want to do this. As others have said, it's a terrible, terrible idea on so many levels.

You've split up. That means you simply no longer get to do certain things as a family, and holidays are one of them. Both you and your ex need to realise this.

feelings

Need more back story to this OP? But from what you've posted... absolutely not! Go away with your kids without your ex-wife. Have your own time on holidays with your kids.

Big Bag of Chips

Are you living separately? If not I can probably see why your (ex)wife would want you to maintain the facade of a united couple for the sake of the children. If however you're separated, living separately and going through the process of formally separating then it would only mess with everyone's head to go on a family holiday. There is absolutely no point going on a family holiday just for you to stay out of the way to give her time with the children. If that's the plan then she should just go on her own.

Maybe it's time to sit down with your wife and see if there's any chance of reconciliation. It's worth one last shot before walking away completely. But if she's sure the marriage is over then she has to also respect that that means you can no longer act like a united family. Your children will be ok. But it does need to be clear where mam and dad stand. Mixed messages will confuse and worry them.

This is going to end in tears for both of you.

As observed, we don't know the back story. Specifically: who initiated the divorce, and who initiated the idea of a post-separation "family" holiday. We also don't know if this is your time with the children, and she is a tag along, or if it is her time and you are the tag along. And we don't know the children's ages. These are all relevant.

If the marriage is over, as in completely over, then this is a bad idea. It could have shades of one side seeking to take advantage of the other being still in love with her and seeking to continue control and the tensions which led to the marital breakdown. I think that, if the marriage is dead in the water for at least one of you, this is a decidedly awful idea. At worst, it could be an attempt by the stronger side to continue controling the weaker side. Know your boundaries, and build some sort of respect between you around those. You have separate lives now. Each of you deserve a holiday away from that tension. It won't be a holiday for the weaker one in the relationship if you are together.